


The Bet and The End

by raiseyourpinky



Series: The Bet and The End Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Teenagers, bet, dean/cas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-09 03:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 61,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean asks Castiel out to win a bet, he never counts on the consequences. It turns out Castiel isn't as ordinary as he presumed. And Dean isn't as heartless as he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean didn't like these people, but he still labeled them as friends. Ruby was hot, but she was a slutty bitch half of the time. Benny was an asshole and a bully, but he always had smokes. And Zachariah was a rich douchebag who seriously lacked some brains.

They were all leaning on the wall of the empty building across Lawrence High School, smoking together during lunch.

"I'm bored," Benny said, letting out a puff of smoke from his mouth.

"The hell you want me to do about it?" Ruby said.

Benny tossed the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "I got an idea."

Ruby snorted. "In your dreams."

"It ain't about you," Benny said, laughing. Zachariah joined in, but Dean tried his best not to listen to their pointless conversation.

"Is this about another prank?" Zachariah wondered, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets.

Benny shook his head, still staring ahead at the campus. "How'd you guys like to start a bet?"

Dean raised an eyebrow. This immediately caught his interest. He didn't like to brag, but he was a pro at all things betting and gambling.

Benny was already looking at him, smirking. "This has everything to do with you, Winchester."

"What are we talking about, exactly?" Dean said, before agreeing to whatever it was Benny wanted to bet about.

"You know that nerdy-as-fuck guy in Math?" Benny said, rubbing his hands together and shivering from the cold.

"Castiel?" Dean said. There were a few people he'd call nerds in that class, but he knew that Benny only ever wanted to mess with Castiel. Dean never understood why. The guy's only fault was being intelligent.

Benny grinned, nodding. "That's right. He's always looking so lonely, ain't he? Doesn't seem to have many friends around."

"Get to the point," Dean groaned, exasperated.

"I bet you a hundred bucks that you can't get him to date you," Benny deadpanned.

Ruby choked on her diet coke. Zachariah looked confused.

"By dating," Dean started, cautiously. "Do you mean going on one date or starting a relationship with him?"

Benny shrugged. "One date, whatever."

"Hold up," Ruby said. "I want in on this, and I'm sure Zach does, too. Let's up this to three-hundred bucks total. Three dates, and you gotta give us all the embarrassing details."

Zachariah nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that dude's probably never gotten laid before. I bet you fifty extra bucks that he sucks at kissing."

Dean considered this bet. He could use three hundred and fifty bucks, and all he had to do was take some guy out on a date. It wasn't like he minded. He was an open bisexual. The tricky thing would be to get Castiel to trust him enough to agree to go out with him. If he was as smart as he appeared in Algebra II, then he would at least suspect something was up.

Dean was, after all, always tailing Benny. And Castiel was Benny's favorite target.

"Well, I do need a new stereo for my Impala," Dean said, stretching his hand out to Benny. "It's on."

Benny smiled, shaking his hand. "It's on, brother."

***

It was a simple plan, but when it came down to it, things looked more complicated than they initially appeared.

Dean sat at the same table with Benny every day, but today, he waited at Castiel's table, which was at the far corner of the room. Some guy named Chuck was the only one willing to be Castiel's partner. No one else really enjoyed Castiel knowing every answer to every problem the teacher asked, or that he aced all his tests, or that he always had his homework done but wouldn't share the answers.

Castiel was the black sheep of the class.

Benny sat alone, now, looking humorously at Dean. He wanted a show, and Dean was gonna give it to him.

When Chuck walked in, he stood in front of his usual table, glancing at Dean, perplexed. Dean waved casually at him.

"Mind if I sit here today?" Dean said. "You can go make my buddy company over there." Dean tilted his head to Benny, and Chuck looked in his direction. Dean held in a laugh when he saw Chuck swallow nervously.

"I—uh, can take the other seat," Chuck said slowly, pointing at the empty seat besides Dean.

"But where will Castiel sit when he comes in?" Dean said, forming an incredibly cheesy frown. "I really want to talk to him about something important. But don't worry, Benny doesn't bite."

Chuck looked a little scared, and Dean wasn't sure if he feared Dean or Benny more. "Have you ever even spoken to Cas before?"

Dean raised both eyebrows, defiantly. "You're testing my patience, Chuck."

Chuck nodded hurriedly, pacing to the table and tossing his backpack on the floor as he sat down. He looked grim, but Benny was ignoring him, his entire attention focused on Dean.

Castiel entered the classroom, walking down the rows of tables, his eyes set on his feet. He finally looked up when he got behind the table, ready to sit down. He froze before his ass laid on the seat, his blue eyes staring at Dean in complete shock.

"Take a seat," Dean said, winking smoothly.

Castiel's eyes widened and his ass finally fell on the chair. He pulled out his Algebra book, notebook and two perfectly sharpened number-two pencils. It was eerie how meticulous he was, but Dean kinda liked it.

Dean registered Castiel's outfit. He was wearing dark jeans, a fitted blue sweatshirt and gray Toms. Castiel's hair was undone, almost like he just rolled out of bed and didn't bother with brushing it. Dean tried to come up with something flirty to say, something that sounded genuine, and he went with the first thought in his mind.

"Your sweater matches your eyes," Dean blurted out. Castiel looked over at him, blinking.

"Why did you take Chuck's seat?" Castiel muttered, his hands turning into fists on the table.

Dean thought this would be a whole lot easier, but Castiel didn't seem too into him.  _It's fine,_ Dean thought.  _He still hasn't seen the ol' Winchester charm_.

Dean scooted his chair closer to Castiel, but the other guy just leaned away. "I thought we could be friends," Dean said. "We've had this class together for so long, and we've seen each other in the hallways since freshman year. I mean, don't you agree with me? We should be friends!"

Castiel squinted, pushing his chair into the table. Dean gave him some space, but kept his easy smile.

Mr. Fitzgerald walked into the classroom, then, carrying his usual briefcase. He probably had their tests graded by now, a test Dean was sure he'd failed.

 _Shit._ "What do you say, Castiel?" Dean pushed, knowing their time to talk was running out. He glanced over at Benny, who looked irritated with him.

Castiel rolled his eyes. Did he seriously roll his eyes—at Dean?

"I don't know who's paying you to say all this, but I don't buy it," Castiel said, sitting straight up in his chair.

Mr. Fitzgerald was already addressing the class about yesterday's assignment, but Dean was not listening. "I'm being serious, man," Dean said, softening his voice. "I want to get to know you better. Why don't we have lunch together today?"

Castiel shushed him because the teacher was now starting the lesson and Dean grew impatient. He pulled out his own notebook, which was filled with senseless scribbles and fragmented lyrics, ripped out a clean page and began writing.

_Lunch today?_

Dean shoved the note to Castiel, and he spared a quick glance at it. Castiel sighed after a while, and then took the piece of paper and wrote on it. He slid it to the middle of the table for Dean to get it.

_Why?_

Dean took a deep breath, writing again.

_Because I need better friends._

Castiel read the note, and his response came sooner this time.

_Where?_

Dean smiled to himself, already feeling three-hundred-and-fifty bucks richer as he wrote down the reply.

_Steak-n-Shake. On me. I'll drive._

Castiel read the note, and then looked up at Dean, frown creases on his forehead.

Dean shrugged innocently. Castiel wrote a response.

_Where will you leave your other buddies?_

Benny kept turning back to stare at Dean's table, and it was making Dean a little uncomfortable. Castiel would notice soon enough.

_They're a bunch of jerks, we don't need them._

Castiel licked his lips before writing on the note again.

_As far as I know, you're also one of them._

Dean nudged Castiel under the table with his foot. Castiel pretended not to feel anything, staring attentively at the teacher who was plotting graphs.

_Dude, take a hint. I like you._

When Castiel read the note, a bright shade of red crept up to his cheeks. It was sort of endearing. He didn't write anything down immediately, and he didn't look at Dean at all for at least five minutes. Then, he simply turned with a smile.

Dean smiled back, feeling successful.

When class was over, Castiel rushed outside, leaving the note behind on the table. Dean picked it up, noting the swiftly written phone number underneath their conversation. Castiel was his.

***

Dean walked with Benny to their next class, handing him the note as evidence.

"I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, brother," Benny said. "I gotta make some copies of this, then I'm gonna frame it."

Dean patted his shoulder. "You better get that money ready. I'm going to start looking for some stereos online."

Benny laughed as they parted ways down different hallways. Dean wondered if he should at least feel a bit remorseful, but all he could think of was that brand new stereo on his beautiful Impala.

***

When the bell rang, dismissing the students for lunch, Dean texted Castiel to meet him in his car. Everyone knew the gorgeous black classic car in the parking lot belonged to Dean.

Castiel didn't reply, but he showed up a few minutes later. He waved at Dean through the passenger window before climbing in.

"Hey," Dean said, putting his sunglasses on. He looked in the rearview mirror and liked what he saw. Nothing like his favorite leather jacket for a first date.

Castiel cleared his throat as Dean turned on the car, it roared to life. "Hello, Dean."

"We're gonna have a good time…buddy." Dean smiled as he drove them away.

Dean opened the door to Steak-n-Shake and Castiel looked taken aback as they entered. They sat on a booth for two, and Dean stared at Castiel as he looked through the menu.

"Aren't you ordering anything?" Castiel said, eyeing him over the menu.

Dean removed his sunglasses, folding them onto the neck of his shirt. "Of course I am, baby. I'm just enjoying the view."  _God, that was pathetic and sleazy._

Castiel made a face at Dean, and then rolled his eyes again, as if dismissing his entire behavior. "This is just a pity date, I know."

Dean leaned forward, confused. "What?"

Castiel put the menu down, staring at Dean. "A pity date. Benny's always messing with me so you're taking me out 'cause you feel sorry for me. I get it, I don't mind it. I like free food."

"You really don't trust me?"

"I'd like to say I don't know you, Dean, but I do. Three years together at the same high school lets you learn of even the most insignificant people there. You're just like Benny and his gang of useless friends, though you pretend not to be."

Dean winced at the coldness of Castiel's voice. "Is that really any way to talk to the guy who's paying for your food?"

Castiel sighed. "Guess not. I  _will_  take advantage of this situation, though. I want the biggest milkshake and I want a triple-decker, with cheese fries. Do they have onion rings, too?"

"Gold digger already," Dean remarked, leaning back in his seat. "I like it."

Castiel raised his eyebrows animatedly, and Dean laughed.

After they ordered and their food was brought over, Dean tried to move his game up. Castiel was onto him.

"So, Cas—Can I call you Cas?" Castiel nodded, eating a fry. "Great. So, Cas, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"Hmm. Well, after Gym I just have to walk home, maybe do some homework before helping my aunt with dinner."

Dean decided to take a different route. Getting to know his date's family members was always a nice tactic. "You live with your aunt?"

"Yeah, Aunt Anna," Castiel said, looking down at his food. "After my parents died a few years back I had to move in with my aunt. She's nice, but I'm moving out when I start college."

Dean nodded, listening. "How did your parents die?"

Castiel told him about the tragic night when a burglar snuck into his house to rob, but his parents walked in on him, and he managed to shoot and kill them both while Cas was sleeping upstairs. Dean finally started feeling guilty about doing this to him, especially because Cas didn't completely mistrust him, but he pushed the feeling aside.

"Hey," Dean said, placing a hand on top of Castiel's. "I'm really sorry about your parents." Dean cleared his throat and removed his hand before going on, "If it's any consolation, my dad passed away last year. He had a clogged artery and died before getting to the hospital."

Dean looked away. He never talked about John. Ever. To anyone. And to spill his life story to a guy he was just using was the last thing he wanted. But somehow, he felt he owed it to Castiel to share something about his life as well.

"That must have been hard for you," Castiel muttered, regarding Dean with a soft look on his eyes. "I'm sorry, too."

Dean finished his milkshake rather than speaking more on the subject. Cas was already done with his load of food, and Dean checked the time on his phone. They had ten minutes to get to class.

"We should head back," Castiel said, getting up. Dean silently agreed, paying the check and holding the door for Cas on the way out.

Dean decided to go all out and opened the car door for Cas, too. Cas gave him a funny look as he climbed in.

Dean got behind the wheel and turned on the engine. Cas messed with the static-y radio on the dash, and Dean felt a little guilty again.

"Your stereo stinks," Cas complained, turning it off, again.

"Tell me about it."  _But you're going to fix that problem, Cas, so thanks, ahead of time._

Castiel started humming a song on the drive back to school, though Dean didn't recognize the melody. But then, as Cas got more into it, air-drumming and everything, a few lyrics slipped out in a velvet voice. "And now's the time, the time is now, to sing my song…"

Dean jerked to a stop a block away from school. He turned to Cas, shocked and astounded. "You're singing a Zeppelin song? You're singing  _Ramble On_?"

Castiel looked scared for a fleeting second, and then he scratched his head, confused. "Does my singing bother you? No one ever comments on it, so."

" _Dude_ ," Dean said, excitedly. "Dude,  _Ramble On_ 's my favorite song! I can't believe you listen to Zeppelin. Where the hell have you been hiding all these years?"

A car honked behind Dean, and Dean finally pulled into the school parking lot, getting in his previous spot and cutting the engine. Castiel checked his watch and Dean knew it was time for class, but suddenly he was too excited to let Cas leave.

"You have any plans for tonight?" Dean said, staring hopefully into Castiel's blue eyes, which completely matched his sweater.

Castiel shook his head. "You can text or call me if you want to hang out, but I have to get to class, now. Bye, Dean."

"Bye," Dean whispered, watching Castiel run out of the car and speed through the parking lot into the building.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was cornered by Benny and Ruby as he made his way to his last class of the day. He was already five minutes late, but he was forced to make a full stop to cease the questioning.

"We went out for lunch," Dean said. "That's date one for you. I'll give you a full-length essay tomorrow if you want. I gotta get to class."

Benny pressed a hand to Dean's chest before he started walking again. "Easy there, brother. There have been some slight changes to the bet." Ruby grinned mischievously. "We don't trust that you'll give us every detail, so we want you to record your dates. Which means that this lunch date is out of the bet, consider it as a warm-up."

"Are you fucking  _kidding_  me?" Dean said. "I'm not some fucking spy! What the hell do you want to watch our date for? You get a kick out of it, Benny?"

Benny scowled, his nostrils flaring. "You want the money or not? We made a deal and you can't break it."

"Oh but you can change the rules just fine, can't you?" Dean said, realizing how defensive he was sounding. Who was he trying to protect? It wasn't like Cas even really cared about Dean.

"I got the camera for you already, sweetums," Ruby said, pulling out a plastic bag from her backpack. "It's tiny, so he won't be able to see it. You can put it on your jacket, here." She handed him the small bag that contained the camera. It was microscopic, indeed. Dean knew he could hide it with ease, but the quiet voice in the back of his mind told him this was plain wrong.

"So, what?" Dean said, turning from Ruby to Benny. "I go on these dates with Cas and you get to watch like shitty perverts and that's it?"

Benny grinned, folding an arm around Ruby. "I think the real challenge here will be to see the torture you go through with that queer. And our prize will be to laugh at both of you."

Ruby shrugged. "Worth it."

Dean groaned, infuriated. "Fine, whatever. You'll get your three dates and I'll get my money. Just don't mess with him while we're 'dating,' alright? He's not as gullible as we thought."

"Hey, your job's to make sure he stays under control," Benny said, laughing. Ruby joined in. They sounded like dying crows.

***

After school, Dean waited for Sam at the parking lot. Sam approached the Impala swiftly, and Dean wondered if he was running away from someone. Sam opened the door and got in the car, catching his breath.

"Everything okay, Sammy?"

Sam glared at Dean. "It's Sam."

Dean smirked at his little brother. "Even when you get as tall as me, you'll still be Sammy, so suck it."

"Let's just go."

"Why were you going all Speedy Gonzales back there?" Dean asked, pulling out of the parking lot. "Someone after you?"

Sam shook his head. "Just wanted to rush home to work on my homework. Education is important, Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, we don't have to talk about it. But if something  _is_  going on, you know I will find out, right?"

"The only thing you will find out is that you need to pass your tests to graduate this year."

"Low blow, Sammy, low blow."

By the time they got home, Mary had their dinner ready and was waiting on the cherry pie in the oven to be done. Dean loved walking into his pie-smelling house. There was no better feeling in the world than knowing his mom never forgot his favorite dessert.

Sam kissed Mary's cheek before heading upstairs. Dean just knew something was up with that kid, but he decided to worry about it later.

"Hi, mom," Dean said, pulling out a soda from the fridge and heading to the staircase.

"Dean," Mary said, without even turning around. "Put that soda back in the fridge. You don't want to spoil your dinner, do you?"

Dean sighed, placing the can back in its place. "I'm actually going out tonight, so don't wait up for me."

"Hmm and where are you going?" Mary asked, facing Dean. Her smile was welcoming, and Dean had the type of relationship with his mother in which he felt no desire to lie to her. Besides making the best pies in the world, Mary was also perfectly trained to listen without passing judgment.

Dean sat down at the dinner table, while Mary leaned against the counter, taking off her mittens. "I'm going on a date with this guy from school."

Mary nodded, still smiling. "Anyone I've heard of?"

Dean wondered if he should involve his mother so much in this particular situation, considering the reason behind his dating, but he never refused her the joy of knowing. "Probably not. His name's Castiel. Castiel Novak. I've kind of known him since freshman year, but we never really talked."

"Castiel," Mary repeated, taking a quiet breath. She looked out the kitchen window, thoughtfully. "Angel of Thursday?"

"What?"

"I've heard that name before somewhere," Mary said. "I'm almost certain it's the name of the Angel of Thursday. Pretty name."

Dean shrugged. "Anyway, sold many scarves today?" Dean asked, wanting to change the subject before Mary asked more about Cas.

"As a matter of fact, business is booming," Mary said happily, putting her mittens back on and taking out the pie from the oven. "Winter is always my busiest season, of course. Lots of cold necks to cover." Dean smiled over at his mother. Mary had an online scarf shop on Etsy. She knitted these wonderful scarves with original designs and people were always eager to order more and more. Dean had a full collection of them, in every color of the rainbow.

"Maybe you could bring Castiel over for dinner sometime," Mary offered, putting the pie in the cooling rack and removing her mittens once again. "I'd be happy to knit him a scarf, too."

"Mom, come on," Dean said, feeling queasy. "We don't know how long this is gonna last. I mean, it's really nothing serious. Just going on a few dates, that's all."

Mary sat down at the table with Dean, placing her chin on her hands. "Well, even if it isn't love, Castiel is welcome at our house anytime. Now, go get washed up for dinner. And tell your brother the same." Mary stood and busied herself with the plates as Dean walked up the stairs.

***

 _Where does Castiel even live?_ Dean wondered as he changed into a different set of clothes after dinner.  _Shit._

Dean buttoned up his plaid shirt while simultaneously dialing Castiel's number. He was relieved when Cas finally picked up at the third ring.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas, I'm picking you up in a few, but I don't know where to find you."

Cas sighed. "I live close to the school. Do you have a pen and paper?" Dean emptied his backpack to find the needed supplies and then proceeded to jot down the information Castiel was providing.

"Got it," Dean said. "Be ready in five."

"Oh I'm already dolled up," Cas said seriously, emitting a chuckle from Dean.

Dean hung up. And then he put his leather jacket on, and carefully attached the damned spy camera on it. Dean hated the feeling of others prying onto his date with Cas, but the thought of a brand new stereo managed to cheer him up.

Dean waved goodbye to Sam and Mary on the living room couch on his way out. On his way to Castiel's, Dean received a text message from Benny, letting him know they had full view from the camera. Dean didn't reply as he parked in front of Castiel's house.

Dean knew better than to text Castiel he'd arrived, so he cut the engine and walked to the front door, knocking firmly on it. Castiel opened the door, looking puzzled.

"Ready to go?" Dean said, grinning.

Castiel looked behind him and then slid through the door, shutting it behind him. "My aunt's napping right now. She doesn't know I'm going out, so I hope this won't take too long."

Dean tried not to show the disappointment he was feeling. He opened the door for Castiel, again, and then ran to the driver's seat.

"Where are we going?" Cas asked, buckling his seatbelt.

"Did you eat already?" Dean said, looking over at Cas. The other guy looked a little bewildered. But then Dean thought maybe he was scared. And that guilty feeling surfaced again.

"Yeah," Cas said, trying to smile at Dean, but it was gone before it was fully formed.

Dean gripped his hands on the wheel, trying to decide where to take Cas. Anywhere he could take them, they would be watched. Castiel had every reason to be scared.

"We can just go to the park," Cas said suddenly. "Take a walk, breathe the fresh air. I haven't done that in a long time."

Dean nodded, taking them to the closest park. Dean parked and then tried to open Castiel's door, but Cas was faster. "After you," Dean said, as Castiel started walking on the sidewalk. Dean caught up to him, walking besides him.

The park was nearly empty, except for a couple kids on the swings and their assumed mother watching on a bench nearby. Considering it was seven o'clock and the sun was already setting, the park was three people too full. Regardless, Dean and Cas kept walking together in silence.

"It's very nice," Cas said, breaking the silence. "The simplicity of walking around the park and enjoying every second of it."

Dean wished he could feel the same. The constant feeling of being watched wouldn't leave him. He felt he had to watch his every word. "Why haven't you done this in a long time?" Dean finally asked.

Cas shrugged, swinging his arms. "It's kind of silly, but I don't feel safe outside of my house, or even my room. It's also stupid since being in your house can as easily get you killed as being outside it."

Dean looked over to Cas, but he was looking away. Dean took his hands out of his pockets and left them hanging on his sides. At times, he allowed his right hand to brush against Castiel's left hand and they pretended not to notice.

"How long have you been a Zeppelin fan?" Dean wondered. Castiel looked to him, and even under the poor lighting on the lamplight, Dean could see the clear blue of his eyes.

"I like a lot of music, Dean."

"Yeah, but not a lot of people I know even know a single classic rock song. You really took me by surprise."

Cas smiled, looking ahead. "That's a first."

"I still can't believe we just never got to talk," Dean said, and his hand brushed more insistently against Castiel's. Cas sighed before folding his hand over Dean's. Dean bit his lower lip in response.

Cas looked at Dean, frowning. "Dean, I'm still not really sure about any of this. After years of putting up with Benny, Ruby and that other stupid guy teasing me with every chance they got, and you always being on the scene and just watching, sometimes laughing—"

"Cas, I don't know how else to tell you, man." Dean came to a stop, holding Castiel's hand tighter. Cas was facing him, and Dean could see every fear in his pretty face, the worry in his forehead, the frown in his lips. "I'm being completely honest when I tell you that I like you. I'm not like the rest of them. Give me a chance…I promise not to hurt you."  _I am going to hell for this._

Cas watched Dean with something unrecognizable. Dean could feel the warmth of his hand he was holding despite the cold around them. Cas bit at his lower lip and turned away. Dean reached for Castiel's chin, making him look at him again.

Dean softened his expression. "Hey, don't take your eyes away from me, okay?"

"Dean," Cas said, licking his lips. "I—I'm so scared and you don't seem to care, or even notice. For fuck's sake, I've liked you since the day I met you. How do you expect me to react now that you come to me like this? After all those years I had to spend watching you hanging out with that crowd of jerks? When you weren't laughing at me you were just ignoring me. How do I just accept all of this, just like that?"

Dean swallowed, feeling so stupid and worthless.  _I had no idea._ Dean let go of Castiel's hand in order to run both his hands through his hair. He felt like a complete bastard. He was the greatest asshole to ever live.

The small voice in Dean's head told him:  _This is just the first date, Dean. Got two more to go. Pull yourself together._

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean finally said, feeling wrecked. Dean cupped Castiel's face, and Castiel held Dean's wrists. "Look, I'm sorry about how I acted in the past. I know how I behaved, and I'm not proud of it. But I'm  _not_ that person. I realize that I go with the crowd all the time, because it's easy. Hell, sometimes I feel like there's no alternative. I'm through with that. If you give me a chance, I promise I will leave all that behind me, to be with you."

"Dean," Cas whispered. Dean pulled Cas close, wrapping his arms around him protectively. He knew there was an audience watching every moment of this, but he didn't care. Dean was being honest, if for the very first time in his life.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean drove Cas back home a few minutes later, since Cas didn't want his aunt to worry. Cas had reached for Dean's hand on the drive back, and they had their fingers laced together in the middle of the long seat.

It was nearly eight, according to the clock on the dashboard. Castiel didn't seem eager to step out of the Impala, nor did Dean feel like letting him go. Cas had unbuckled his seatbelt and scooted closer to Dean, to which Dean responded by wrapping his arm around his shoulder.

"Tell me something I don't know about you," Cas said, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder.

"You make it sound like you're an expert on me," Dean said, smiling down at Cas. He laughed.

"I didn't have to be a member of your fan club to know what everyone knows," Cas said, settling in closer.

Dean was curious, and he poked the side of Cas closest to him. Cas wiggled until Dean stopped. "What  _do_  you know about me?"

"Well, you have a younger brother, and he goes to our school," Cas started. "I'm not sure what his name is, but I know it starts with an S."

"Sam," Dean said, grinning. "Clearly need to stalk me better."

"Hmm, and then there's the fact that you failed P.E. two years in a row because you wouldn't change into gym shorts." Dean laughed loudly at that, tickling Castiel's side again, and Cas laughed in response.

"I'm not sure people will stop telling that story for years," Cas said. "Dean Winchester, the ridiculous guy concerned with showing his pale skinny legs in gym class."

Dean gasped, melodramatically. "I resent that, Castiel Novak! You have no proof of your accusations, so shut it." Cas laughed, looking up at Dean innocently.

"Moving on," Dean said, raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, okay," Cas said, calming down. "I also know that you need to wear reading glasses, and that's why you refuse to read in class."

"Okay, that is false information," Dean said defensively. "I'm starting to think you're just a big gossip, Cas."

Cas snickered, sitting up and turning to Dean. "If you didn't want to know, you shouldn't have asked, assbutt."

"Listen to you, can't even insult me properly." Dean shook his head. "Makes me so angry because it just makes me want to kiss you even more!"

Cas licked his lips at the mention of kissing, and Dean did not miss that. Nor the way Castiel immediately glanced at Dean's lips, licking his own lips again.

Dean leaned forward, and Cas met him in the middle, where they started kissing. It was just one kiss, which turned into two, then three. Cas kept his lips lingering near Dean's mouth, sort of tempting him to kiss him again, and Dean was not one to resist.

Cas folded his hands on the neck of Dean's shirt, pulling him closer. Dean pressed a hand to Castiel's back, leaning him down across the wide seat of the car. Cas gasped for air and Dean remembered the stupid little camera he was wearing, so he started to remove his jacket.

"Dean," Cas said, his hand on top of Dean's, stopping him. "I should go inside."

Dean took a fitful breath and nodded, pressing one last kiss on Castiel's lips. He was surprisingly delighted when Cas hooked his teeth over Dean's lower lip. Dean made a small growling noise coming from the back of his throat as he attacked Castiel's lips again. Dean licked in between Castiel's lips, and the other boy opened his mouth willingly. Dean's tongue found Castiel's and when they touched, Castiel made the prettiest sound Dean had ever heard.

"I really have to go," Cas gasped, pushing Dean back. Dean sat back down on his seat, and Cas straightened up on his side, stabilizing his breathing.

Dean looked at Cas, noticing the flushed look on his face. Dean smirked to himself. "See you tomorrow, then?"

"Yes," Cas said, as he touched Dean's hand on the seat once more before getting out of the car.

***

The following day, Benny, Ruby and Zachariah were waiting for him in the parking lot, smoking despite the school rules.

Dean hung his backpack over his shoulder and walked to campus, pretending not to see them.

All three of them started whistling and making smacking noises at Dean, but he decided to ignore that, too.

"Hey, hey where do you think you're going?" Benny said, catching up to him with the rest of the idiots following behind. "That was a great show last night, brother. You sure know how to act."

Ruby cackled. "Fucking virgin was so ready to come on you—it was hilarious!"

"You could tell he always had a hard-on for Dean," Zachariah said, to which Dean had had enough. Dean slammed Zachariah against the volleyball field's fence.

Before Dean knew it, Benny was holding him back and Ruby was standing in front of Zachariah, who already had a fist in the air.

"Do that again, asshole!" Zachariah hissed.

"Oh stow your shit already," Benny snapped. "We're fucking joking around."

Dean glared from Zachariah to Benny, trying—unsuccessfully—to calm down. "I've had it with this fucking bet! I don't want to do it anymore. Cas isn't here for your sick entertainment."

"That's fine," Benny said, removing his hands from Dean. "You gotta pay us three-fifty by the end of the week."

"What, that's tomorrow," Dean bellowed. "I don't have a job. How the hell do you expect me to pay all that?"

Benny smirked. "A bet's a bet, my friend."

Dean couldn't believe he was actually considering continuing with the whole charade. He knew that if he opted for quitting, there was no way he could come up with the cash. Dean would be crazy to ask his mom for a loan, and it wasn't like he would start selling drugs just to pay these douchebags.

"Okay," Dean breathed, looking to his feet. "Say the bet's still on. I'm going to need all of you to swear to me one thing. Do  _not_  disrespect Castiel." Dean turned to Zachariah first, and then to Benny and Ruby. "I get that you get a kick out of messing with the guy, but out of simple human kindness, don't disrespect him—and stop smiling you bitch," Dean added to Ruby.

"Alright," Benny said, nodding. "That sounds easy enough."

"Why the sudden change of heart, Dean?" Ruby wondered, stepping closer. "Did that nerd give you any wet dreams?"

Dean rolled his eyes, clutching the strap of his backpack. "Let's just say I'm not as horrible as the rest of you."

"I don't give a fuck, man," Benny said. "Do whatever you want with that dude, just don't forget to take the camera."

Dean grumbled some nonsense as he walked away, completely late to class.

***

Jo came running after Dean in the hallway, and Dean tried his best to evade her for the fourth time this week. Looked like he finally ran out of luck, because Jo had Dean cornered at the end of the hall.

"Dean," Jo called for him one last time, pulling him to her by the jacket. He turned and smiled politely. "You can't always escape me, you know."

"Never hurts to try."

Jo grinned, pulling out a heavy binder from her messenger bag. "Always a charmer, Winchester. Listen, there are a shitload of things we have to discuss, starting with Prom."

Dean groaned in protest, hitting his head on the lockers behind him. "Why can't you understand already? Why why why."

Jo turned Dean back towards her and began flipping through the binder. "Senior class president duties should be your priority. You should be on top of everything. It's not fair you only attended the first meeting! I have been setting them up for you, and then leading them because you never show. Why can't you at least pretend you give a damn?"

"Jo, Jo, Jo," Dean said, always feeling the need to speak in threes when it came to Jo. "I didn't think anyone was going to vote for me to become their class president. They are all idiots for thinking I would know what to do. I don't care about Prom, and I don't want to make any decisions. I told you long ago you could take over. Completely. Leave me out of it,  _please_."

Jo frowned, visibly disappointed. "Dean, you are killing me here. Believe me, I love taking over for you, but I need your help with a lot of things. I don't think it's fair for you to not be involved, at all."

"Oh, but I'm involved!" Dean said quickly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get your texts every five minutes, and I read most of them. I know that the theme for Prom is going to be the Eiffel tower—"

"A night in Paris," Jo interjected.

Dean nodded, smiling. "Right, right, right."

"But, Dean, I would love to discuss some issues with you. I have so many ideas and—"

"Jo," Dean whispered, leaning closer, cupping her face in his hands. "I promise you, I love every single one of your ideas. And if you want my opinion, I say yes to everything."

Jo pursed her lips, aggravated. "You're a little bitch. I hope you know that."

"And yet, you still love me."

"That love is running out," Jo mumbled as Dean messed up her hair and walked away.

***

Way at the back of the room sat Castiel at his table, waiting for Dean. As soon as their eyes met, they shared a bright smile.

Dean had never been this happy about math before.

"Hello, Dean," Cas said when Dean sat down next to him. Dean looked over to Benny's table to find Chuck sitting in his old spot, looking as uncomfortable as ever. "I hope Chuck's okay."

Dean turned to Cas, grinning smoothly. "He'll live."

Cas returned the grin, and Dean noticed how close their chairs were to each other. "How are you?" Dean asked, bumping his arm to Cas.

"Mmm, could be better," Cas said, shrugging.

"I could make it way better for you," Dean promised, raising an eyebrow.

Cas licked his lips and looked down at the table. Dean indulged in the feeling of making Castiel nervous.

"Where do you wanna go tonight?" Dean muttered.

Cas looked to Dean, gulping. "I'm not sure I can sneak out of my house again."

Dean frowned immediately. "That has to be the worst news I've heard in a very long time."

"Although," Cas said, forming a tiny grin. "If you come over and introduce yourself, maybe my aunt will let me go out somewhere with you."

"Oh." Dean stared at Cas, a million things were running madly through his mind. The bet. Getting too involved. Castiel. Meeting family members. Castiel. Castiel's lips. Castiel's eyes.

"Or not…" Cas said after their silence got awkward. "I mean, you really don't have to go through any trouble…for me."

"Oh. No, no, I was just thinking of how beautiful you look today."

Castiel's eyes went wide, just like Dean had predicted, and the jolt of bliss that followed it was priceless. "You know, I never predicted you being this cheesy."

"Excuse me? I'm just being honest," Dean said, kicking Cas gently under the table.

"Honestly cheesy."

Dean shrugged. "Well maybe that's just a side effect of being next to you."

Cas chuckled. "Not bad."

Once Mr. Fitzgerald walked in, Dean was sad to know his conversation with Cas was over.

"I will come over after school," Dean whispered close to Castiel's ear. "To talk to your aunt."

Cas nodded as he began scribbling down the notes being written on the board.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas was unable to have lunch with Dean because he had to work on his science project with some girl named Meg. Dean shrugged it off, but deep down he recognized a sting of disappointing boiling in his gut.

The worst part about this was that Dean was now forced to eat with his dear old friends. At least there would be smokes.

After getting Taco Bell, Dean and his "friends" huddled up across the school and ate on the floor like a bunch of stray dogs. They shared jokes and gossiped like old women, but Dean concentrated on his bean burrito.

Dean also thought of his upcoming date with Cas, and having to meet his aunt.

 _What will I do with Cas after I win the bet?_  Dean thought.  _Am I just going to dump him and move on?_

"A penny for your thoughts, Winchester," Ruby mumbled as she chewed her food.

Dean sipped his Mountain Dew. "I'm not telling you anything."

"Thinking of getting lucky tonight?" Ruby said, laughing. Dean ignored her and continued eating.

"Hey, quit teasin' him," Benny told Ruby. "Show some respect for the nerdy dude."

"So, you definitely don't have anything better to talk about?" Dean wondered, finishing up his food.

Zachariah scuffed. "Hey, man, did you forget to take your PMS pills or something?"

Dean got up to throw his garbage away. "I'm done with this." Dean turned to walk away when Benny called after him.

"You're bailing out, brother?"

"That's worth three-fifty, you know," Ruby yelled.

Dean turned back to them, fisting his hands. "Bet's still on."

***

"Going out with Castiel again tonight?" Mary asked as Dean headed to the front door in a hurry.

Dean froze with his keys in his hands. "Uh—yeah, I'm actually gonna meet his aunt."

"Ooh. Sounds a little official," Mary said, grinning conspicuously. "When do I get to meet him?"

Dean sighed. "Mom, I don't know if this is really the type of—well, we're not in a relationship or anything."

"I would still really love to meet this boy who makes you spray on half of your cologne."

Dean frowned. "You think it's too much?"

Mary stepped forward and cupped Dean's cheek. "I think it is perfect. Go have fun. Don't leave Castiel waiting."

Dean beamed. "Bye, mom."

Castiel opened the door after the second knock and pulled Dean inside with surprising strength.

"Hi," Dean said, wide-eyed. Cas grinned and led Dean to the living room, where a young, pretty woman with redhead was reading a book on a loveseat.

"Aunt Anna, this is Dean Winchester." Dean stepped forward and shook Anna's hand. "Dean, this is my Aunt, Anna Milton." Anna stared at Dean for a moment in deep thought, and then she smiled tightly.

"Nice to meet you, Dean," Anna said. "What exactly are your intentions with my nephew?"

"Oh," Dean said, looking from Anna to Cas. "I thought I'd take Castiel out to watch a movie or something. If it's alright with him—and you, of course."

Anna raised an eyebrow. "A movie? How very classy."

Dean chuckled nervously. "Well, it's not like we settled on anything. Where would you like to go, Cas?"

Before Cas could respond, Anna stood up. "Oh, don't mind me," she said. "I'm just going to pour myself a glass of wine." Dean smiled politely and watched her head into the kitchen.

"Uh, there's also a free outdoor concert in Kansas City," Dean told Cas. "This band I don't really know will be playing, they're called The End." Cas beamed, and Dean debated whether to rejoice in the feeling it gave him or worry about the camera he was wearing. "So I don't know if you rather go to that with me."

Cas reached for Dean's hand, careful with his movements, but Dean gripped his hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "I like music."

Dean winked. "Concert it is."

Anna returned with her glass of wine and eyed Dean and Cas' interlaced hands for a moment before looking up and smiling at Dean. "Please be careful, drive safely. I want Castiel back home before midnight."

"Absolutely," Dean said without a beat. Once they were outside and Dean opened the door for Castiel, he mumbled, "My lovely Cinderella." Cas punched Dean's arm at that.

The drive to Kansas City was a long one, and Dean was holding back on his singing in favor of listening to Castiel talk. Dean wished for a new stereo, but the more he thought of the way he would get it, the less he wanted it. Cas was a chatterbox, highly different from the way he was at school, but Dean wasn't so surprised because he wasn't the same person he was at school either.

"Let's play a lyric game," Cas suggested, tapping his hands on his lap like he was playing the drums.

Dean looked over to Cas, smiling to see the other boy looking so excited. "I'm in. What are the rules?"

"Okay, I will sing you a line, or two, of a song and you have to find a set of lyrics that make sense to what I'm singing."

"You start."

"Okay." Cas cleared his throat and sat up. The wind from outside was blowing through his raggedy hair and it was one of the most peaceful sights Dean had ever witnessed.

 

Cas: 

_Our love was lost,_

_but now we've found it._

_And if you flash your heart_

_I won't deny it._

Dean pondered very hard on what song lyric would fit.

 

Dean: 

_Precious angel,_

_under the sun._

_How was I to know_

_you'd be the one_

_to show me I was blinded?_

Cas nodded, looking amused.

 

Cas: 

_It's a shame you don't know_

_what you're running from._

_Would your bones have to break_

_and your lights turn off?_

_Would it take the end of time_

_to hear your heart's false start?_

_What the hell are you singing?_  Dean thought as he skimmed through his mental music archive.

 

Dean:

_I've been trying, Lord,_

_let me tell you._

_Let me tell you_

_I really did the best I could_.

 

Cas: 

_Please, tell me you know._

_I've got to let you go._

_I can't help falling out of love_

_with you_.

 

Dean frowned, staring at the road.

 

Dean: 

_What can I say?_

_Because I wanna be your boyfriend._

Castiel remained quiet for a few minutes, and Dean kept his eyes on the road.

 

Cas: 

_But I won't hesitate no more._

_It cannot wait,_

_I'm yours_.

***

Groups of people were gathered at the town's center, and Dean had to park three blocks away, but the walk was great. Dean and Cas were laughing at some guy shaking his ass across the street from them.

There was loud soft rock music playing, but the stage was vacant, which meant they were right on time. People were sitting in the grass; a few were lying down to stare up at the star-filled sky.

Cas yanked Dean's jacket and tipped his chin over to the cotton candy stand, smiling eagerly at Dean. "I love cotton candy. Come with me." Cas headed for the stand and Dean followed behind, wanting to hold Castiel's hand rather than walking separately, but unsure of whether PDA, as small as this, would be acceptable at this point in time.

Dean had fucked around with two guys before, but neither of them had lasted longer than a few weeks, and Dean never took them out on dates, much less held their hands. This was entirely new to Dean, and it was all a farce.

Castiel purchased the cotton candy before Dean ever made it to the stand and he worked to open the cottony goodness. Cas chuckled as he cut up a piece and stuffed it into Dean's mouth.

"You like?" Cas asked tentatively. Dean closed his eyes as the sweet air-like flavor greeted his taste buds. Not a second had passed as Dean delighted in the cotton candy when he felt Castiel's lips pressed lightly against his mouth. Just once.

Dean opened his eyes when he missed their presence, and Castiel was looking down at his cotton candy, innocently cutting up another piece.

"I definitely like," Dean said, taking Castiel's hand in his, and to hell whoever got uncomfortable. "Let's go find a place to sit."

Cas ate his cotton candy as they moved through the crowds of people filling up the place. Dean stopped near a tree, a little far from the stage, but they weren't here to watch, they were here to listen. Cas settled on the grass and patted the empty space next to him. Dean sat down and leaned against the tree behind him, while Cas reclined against Dean.

"Want some more?" Cas asked, handing Dean the bag of cotton candy. "I'm not feeding you anymore."

Dean laughed and cut up a piece. "But I loved it."

"It was just a taste," Cas mumbled, shifting above Dean into something that looked more comfortable. Reactively, Dean wrapped his arms over Castiel as the mild wind blew cold air.

They both sat there, conversing only in quiet tones, despite the loud voices around them, and they were close enough to hear one another. It was perfect because no one else could hear them, and it felt like they were practically alone, in their own cocoon of their making. Dean ran his hands through Castiel's hair and Cas closed his eyes at the touch.

When The End was finally announced onstage, the audience cheered and became suddenly alert. Dean was too busy pressing soft kisses to Castiel's neck to care, but Cas was watching the stage now, seemingly ready for the show.

The band was made up of three people. One of them a punk-rock redhead who later introduced herself as Charlie, she was on the drums. The other one was a short guy with a Mohawk named Andy, he played the bass. And finally, the third member of The End appeared onstage. She wore thick black boots that looked heavier than she, and a knee-length white dress. Her name was Pam, and she had an electric guitar strapped around her. Pam took the microphone and greeted the audience before transitioning to the first song.

Cas leaned closer to Dean and Dean held him tighter as they listened to the invigorating music. Dean caught on to some of the lyrics and decided that they weren't half bad.

_Sometimes I lie to you_

_Sometimes I'm kind to you_

_But I never meant_

_For you to run out the door_

_And in the end_

_We're just making bets_

_To fulfill our stupid roles_

_Becoming our own enemies_

_In a war we never loved_

In the middle of the concert, Cas turned around to hug Dean. It was so abrupt that Dean's arms didn't move immediately, but when they did, they hugged Cas back just as tightly. Cas pulled back after a moment, with a tear running down his face. Without thinking about it, Dean ran his thumb over the streak of the tear and Cas smiled.

Dean didn't ask Cas about the sudden outburst because, somehow, he completely understood.

After the show, Dean walked with Cas around downtown, holding hands freely. Dean was thinking of lyrics, and how they often spoke words that people were unable to say. Lyrics told of stories, heartbreak, errors of mankind, humility, but most importantly, lyrics told of life.

Dean thought of the lyric game he played with Cas and how little he really knew about Castiel's taste in music. Dean knew Cas liked at least one Zeppelin song, but what the fuck had he been singing? What did all these lyrics mean to Castiel? What did they say about him, and what did he mean to say when singing them?

"Did you have fun?" Dean asked as they both got in the car and buckled their seatbelts.

Cas sighed deeply. "I had a great time, Dean. Did you?"

Dean grinned, more to himself. "Yeah. I really wish we had something to play this CD right now." Dean bought one of The End's albums entitled  _Angel with a Shotgun_. Unfortunately, Dean's beautiful Impala still lacked a stereo.

"We can listen to it together some other time," Cas said.

Dean nodded as he drove away. "So, tell me, what were you singing back during our lyric game? I didn't recognize any of the songs."

"Ah, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Dean, but classic rock isn't the only genre I listen to."

"I listened to The End just now," Dean pointed out.

"Yes, but would you have given them a chance if it hadn't been for the concert?"

Dean shrugged. "Probably not. I like my music choices."

"Exactly, so being hardheaded is stopping you from discovering brand new song lyrics."

"You're getting way off track here, huggy bear," Dean said, at the same time wondering where the fuck the pet name came from. "I asked you what you were singing."

"I'll burn you a CD tomorrow," Cas promised.

"Okay," Dean said. "I can make a sacrifice and listen to it."

Cas rolled his eyes, and Dean was able to catch it before returning his attention to the road. "Don't be afraid to like new things, Dean."

"Well, I like you."

"What a coincidence because I kind of like you, too."

"Yeah?" Dean smiled, wide and cheesy, but he didn't give a damn.

"Eh," Cas said, waving him away. "Sort of."

Dean laughed. "That'll have to do for now."

Cas laughed, too, and Dean was sedated with bliss.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean opened the fridge, pulled out a soda, and closed it really loudly. It was Dean's usual announcement to his worried mother attempting to sleep upstairs that he'd made it home, safe and sound.

After he dragged his feet upstairs and put away the camera from his jacket, Dean went to lie in bed and stared up at his white ceiling. The fan was turning and turning and the cool breeze was soothing and slowly lulling him to sleep.

Which is why Dean became suddenly grumpy when he heard a quiet knock on his door.  _It's probably Sam_ , Dean thought, and immediately regretted his bad mood.

"Come in," Dean said.

Sam opened the door, walked in and closed the door with his foot. Dean smiled to him before Sam lied besides Dean, staring up at the same fan and ceiling.

"How'd it go tonight?" Sam asked.

"Can't complain," Dean mumbled, still watching the movement of the fan.

"You trust me, don't you, Dean?"

Dean turned to Sam, wrinkling his forehead. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do, bitch."

Sam formed half a smile and turned back to the ceiling. "Well, I just want to know what your deal is with Castiel."

Dean shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "I don't think that's a conversation we should be having, Sammy."

"Why not?"

Dean sighed. "Some things are better left to the imagination."

"Since when? You always expect me to tell you every detail of my day."

Dean chuckled. "And you never do, so what's the point?"

"Look," Sam said, sternly. "I don't want to get the wrong idea here, but I know Castiel. Not personally, but I know enough about him to get the picture. He's in art club, he's kind of weird, he hasn't really dated anyone, and he's just the perfect target for Benny."

"Sam," Dean said, frowning.

"You can't tell me that you decided to suddenly start dating Castiel, and still be allowed to hang out with Benny and his crowd."

"They don't have to allow me anything," Dean grunted. "Why does any of this matter to you, anyway?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't think you realize how much you like this guy, and if you're doing anything shady, then you should stop. You're my brother, and I love you, but I don't want to see you get caught in your own trap."

Dean sat up and ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know what you're talking about, Sammy. You should probably go to bed." Sam got up and walked to the door. "Sam?" Dean said, and Sam stood still in the doorway. "Good night."

"Good night, Dean."

***

With the knowledge that today was Friday, Dean decided to plan his third date with Castiel on the following day. Or at least, that was the story Benny, Ruby and Zachariah would hear.

"I think I'll just take him to the movies tomorrow," Dean told them. "I don't want to make a big deal."

"What? No goodbye sex or anything?" Ruby said, and Dean spared her a glare.

Benny laughed, spilling bits of the burger he was chewing. "I thought you liked the guy."

"He's not my type," Dean lied. Of course he fucking liked him.

"So you're calling it quits after your third date?" Benny wondered, and Dean only nodded slightly.

Quite honestly, Dean had no fucking idea what he was going to do after the bet was over. Would he really keep the money? Cas would like a stereo for whenever they went out. What did that even mean? Was Dean thinking of continuing whatever thing this was with Castiel?

All Dean knew was that he had to lie to Benny, for now.

"You should pick a better place for a date next time," Zachariah said. "That was so boring with the concert."

"Maybe get a motel room or something," Ruby pitched in.

"Ruby, be nice," Benny said, laughing.

Dean sighed. "How about we leave it at that, and when you tune in tomorrow you can just be surprised?" Dean got up, tossed his trash away, and walked back to campus from lunch.

***

The truth was that Dean had asked Castiel to come over for dinner tonight. Mary promised to make the best pie for the occasion, and Dean was so excited he could hardly wait for the time to pass. Cas would ride home with him and Sam today.

Dean couldn't pretend he wasn't nervous about Sam officially meeting Castiel, especially since their last talk, but he also wanted to believe Sam was completely wrong, about most of it. And Dean couldn't even process what Mary would say to Cas when they met. For some reason, it was really important for Mary to like Cas, and vice versa.

Cas showed up at the parking lot before Sam, and he waved before opening the passenger door. "Should I hop in the back?"

"Oh, I'm sure Sam won't mind if you take his seat," Dean said, smirking. "Get in."

Cas dropped his backpack on the floorboard of the Impala and climbed in. Impulsively, Dean leaned in for a sudden peck on their lips. It made Castiel's cheeks blossom a light red, which immediately enticed Dean to kiss him again, this time lingering a little longer.

Dean's chest was swelling with something oddly new and different. His first thought was that this was their first private kiss. That no one would be watching them this time. And Castiel's smile was only his.

Castiel pulled away first. He cleared his throat and buckled his seat belt.

Dean smiled.

"Oh, I have something for you." Cas dug in his backpack and pulled out a CD for Dean. "It's got many of my favorite songs."

Dean took the CD and read the list on the back of the case. "So far I don't recognize any of these—oh wait a minute, Alt-J? This song is one of my favorites too!"

"Really?" Cas said, surprised. " _Taro_  is one of those songs that take me on an adventure every time I listen to it."

"Yeah, yeah, and sometimes it makes me drift off and I'm stuck in this dreamy state and…" Dean drifted off.

Cas nodded. " _I know_."

Sam opened the back door in one jerky movement and cleared his throat once he stepped into the car.

"Hey, Sammy, how was school today?" Dean said.

"The usual," Sam replied. "Hi, Cas. I'm Sam, Dean's younger brother." Sam scooted forward and extended his hand for Cas to shake, which he did seconds later.

Cas looked a little surprised as he formed a smile at Sam. "You know who I am?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "It's a small school. And also, Dean has spent the last few days talking about you."

Dean widened his eyes and felt the heat rush to his face, especially when Cas looked over to him with a secretive smile. Dean shook his head and started the engine.

When they finally arrived to Winchester House, Dean didn't miss the side grin sent by Sam when Dean rushed to open Castiel's door before Cas even had the chance. Dean shot Sam a glare and mouthed "bitch" to him behind Cas.

"You have a lovely home," Cas muttered.

"Yeah, you can thank our mom for that," Sam said before rushing to the front door and opening it. "She picked it out all by herself."

"Really?" Cas said, arching an eyebrow at Dean.

Dean nodded proudly. "Dad just loved spoiling Mom."

Inside, Cas seemed to admire the décor of the house. The familiar scent of pie clouded the atmosphere. It was pumpkin by the smell of it. Mary walked out from the kitchen just as Cas was staring at the small ceramic angel on the shelf above the fireplace.

Mary let out a squeal of happiness that made Cas turn around on his heels. "You must be Cas! I've heard wonders about you. Look at you!"

Cas shook Mary's hand and she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek. (Mary was a kisser). Cas seemed to redden at the contact, but his smile never faltered. He seemed to really want Mary's approval. What he didn't know what that he already had it, had her completely.

"It's very nice meeting you, Mrs. Winchester," Cas said.

Mary beamed. "It's about time Dean brought you home for dinner. Unfortunately, dinner is not ready yet. Grab a snack and make yourself at home, Castiel. Such a beautiful name."

"Thank you, Mrs. Winchester."

"Call me, Mary, sweetheart," Mary said, placing a hand on Castiel's shoulders before heading back into the kitchen.

Sam cleared his throat once they were all alone in the living room again. "I will be in my room. Bye, Cas."

"He's nice," Cas muttered once Sam had reached the top of the staircase. Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess he can be."

"And your mom is lovely," Cas added, leaning closer. Dean brushed the tip of his fingers on Cas' palm. "You look a lot like her."

"Yeah?"

Cas nodded, pressing his other hand on Dean's chest, letting it travel to his abdomen. "Why don't we go listen to The End's album?"

Dean grinned, raising both eyebrows at the smooth deep sound of Cas' voice. "Want to go to my room?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Cas said, and then he winked. He fucking winked. And Dean prayed to the highest being for strength not to jump his bones right here, right now.

Dean led Cas up the stairs and to the last bedroom at the end of the hallway. He'd remembered to clean up his room and make his bed that morning, with the knowledge that Cas would see it. And Cas seemed to take every detail of the room in, just like he'd done in the living room.

The four walls were mostly covered with classic vinyl record covers, and there was almost a pattern to it. Where there was empty space, there were framed family pictures. A lot could be said about Dean, but one thing he was not ashamed of was his family. He always kept little reminders of them. Like Sam's fifth grade school picture keychain. Sam cringed every time Dean pulled out his keys.

At the corner of the room, Dean had a full-size bed with black covers and three pillows. Dean liked his fluffy pillows. Cas walked over to the small bookcase that was collecting dust.

"I didn't know you read for fun," Cas mumbled, skimming through the titles. "And you have good taste, on top of that."

"Turns out we don't know each other as well as we thought," Dean said, tauntingly.

Cas smiled, rather than return the remark. "I like knowing the real you."

Dean looked to the bed in front of him, pondering on that. "Me too, Cas."

"So," Cas said, turning back to Dean. "Where's the CD?"

Dean walked to the half-cluttered desk and picked up the colorful CD. "Are you ready to go to The End realm?" Cas pressed his lips to Dean as a response, and Dean grinned.

Dean placed the CD on the stereo in his bedroom. The music started playing and Dean recognized the song from the concert the night before. Cas seemed to remember as well. Dean wasted no time as he pulled him in for another kiss. He relished the feeling of Cas melting into his body, blending so perfectly with the touch of his hands.

And after one kiss, and another and another, they collapsed onto the bed. Dean crawled on top of Cas, kissing down his jaw and then trailing down his neck. Cas let out a loud gasp when Dean bit on the soft skin below Cas' ear. Castiel's hands traveled under Dean's shirt, clutching at his skin.

"Cas," Dean sighed, kissing his lips again. He curled his fingers on Cas' hair and kissed him deeply. It wasn't rushed, but it was passionate, and a little too heated for this time of day.

Cas peeked his tongue through Dean's lips, and Dean granted him full access to his mouth. Cas breathed into Dean as his tongue found the sensitive skin on top of his mouth that tickled in all the right places.

"Dean," Cas whispered, cupping Dean's face and pulling away. "We should probably wait."

Dean heard what Cas said, but what he saw was the deep blue dilated eyes gazing back at him with want. And Dean didn't need a mirror to know he looked the same. Truth was, Dean wanted Cas. But he didn't just want him in order to win some bet and get a car stereo. And he didn't just want Cas for sex. He  _wanted_  Cas.

"Okay," Dean said, kissing Cas' hair. It smelled like green apples.

"Is that okay?" Cas asked, frowning. "I don't think—I mean, we don't—and I—"

"Shh." Dean pressed his mouth softly against Cas' puffy lips. "I don't need explanations, Cas. I just want you to be happy."

"And you're not just saying this to make me change my mind?" Cas said, a hint of amusement in his tone.

"That was my devious plan all along. I should have known you'd see right through it."

Cas kissed him again, before rolling them on the bed so Cas was on top of Dean. "You can't fool me, Winchester. I'm too smart for that."

Dean gulped and there was a knot in his throat. It was fucking guilt. He knew the feeling, it was the same haunting feeling attached to him like a ghost. Apparently Cas noticed the change in Dean, because he frowned at him.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked. Dean sat at the edge of the bed and Cas sat beside him.

"No, Cas, I'm just…being stupid," Dean said. "Come on, we should go back downstairs."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Cas asked as Dean fixed his hair. Dean smiled at Cas, loving the messiness of his own hair. It was pure perfection and Dean appreciated the fact that Cas didn't feel the need to fix it.

"I'm more than okay, Cas. Really."

Cas stood up and smiled down to Dean. "Let's go help your mom set the table, at least."

"Give me a minute," Dean said, folding his hands on his lap.

"Oh," Cas said, understandingly. "Sorry about that."

Dean narrowed his eyes on Cas. "No. You're not."

Cas smirked. "And you say we don't know each other."


	6. Chapter 6

At the table, Dean and Cas set four plates on the four sides, and poured iced tea on all four glasses. Mary came out of the kitchen with the pot roast in her hands and Cas moved aside to let her through. She set the pot roast on the table and took off her mittens.

“Mind calling your brother for dinner, Dean?” Mary asked.

“Sure.” Dean turned to Cas, raising his eyebrows and Cas nodded, waving him off. He smiled as he raced up the stairs to Sam’s bedroom.

The younger Winchester’s bedroom door was shut. Before Dean knocked on his tall white door, he heard Sam’s muffled voice. He was arguing with someone over the phone. Dean valued privacy, but when it came to Sam being upset, he preferred being aware of his situation, at all cost.

Dean pressed an ear to Sam’s door and listened.

“What do you mean you don’t—why do you want me to do that? No, you clearly don’t know me enough.” There was a long pause. “I do, I told you many times. I do. Do _you_?”

Dean frowned. What the hell was Sam talking about? Or to?

“We can talk about it next week, okay?” Sam said. “Because I don’t want to discuss this over the phone anymore.” Pause. “Yes, I promise. I’ll think about it. I’ll give you my answer on Monday.”

Confused, Dean finally pulled back and knocked at the door. Sam answered moments later, seemingly flustered. “Dinner’s ready,” Dean said.

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Sam shut the door and Dean decided to let it slide this time. Whatever was bugging Sam— _had_ been bugging Sam—Dean would eventually find out about it. Tonight, Cas was here, and he should just enjoy his company.

Back in the dining room, Mary and Cas were discussing…scarf designs? Dean blinked a few times, trying to pull himself back to the here and now. And he realized he was definitely not in an alternate universe. Since when did Cas and Mary become such good friends? How long had Dean been gone?

“Sam’s on his way down.” Dean sat next to Mary, across from Cas, and took a sip of his tea.

Castiel laughed at a joke Dean had missed. “I think I could help you advertise your scarves at school. I’m in the art club and I think a lot of my friends there would be interested.”

“That sounds perfect! Thank you, Castiel.” Mary smiled warmly, patting the top of Castiel’s hand on the table. “It really is a pleasure meeting you.”

Dean cleared his throat as Sam walked into the room, wearing a deep frown.

“You okay, hon?” Mary asked, immediately aware that something was off.

Sam looked up, erasing his frown and replacing it with a forced grin. “Yeah, yeah. I’m starving.”

They started eating, Mary leading the conversation. As hard as he tried, Dean couldn’t stop eyeing Sam, trying to read his features, possibly his mind. Sometimes they could communicate silently, but Sam called it mere coincidence when Dean wanted a soda and Sam brought him one, just because he’d gotten one and he was a nice brother. But now Dean really wanted some kind of telepathic connection between them, so he could figure out what was really happening with his baby brother.

“Dean, have you showed Cas your drawings?”

“What?” Dean was caught off guard, squinting over at his too-silent brother. “Drawings? No, I haven’t. He probably doesn’t want to see them.”

“I do,” Cas said, tilting his head to the side, in a very birdlike manner. “I didn’t know you liked to draw.”

Dean shrugged, nonchalantly. “I don’t really make much of a hobby of it. I do it from time to time, when I get bored.”

Smiling, Cas said, “Well, you better show me those drawings, mister, because I am now very interested.”

“I misplaced them,” Dean said, staring at Sam again. “Tell you what, Cas, I’m gonna look for them and I will show you as soon as I find those dusty old things.”

Sam took a deep breath and dropped his fork. “Mom, dinner was delicious, but I haven’t finished my homework.” He stood up and took his plate. “It was nice having you here Cas.”

“Okay, dear,” Mary said, frowning at Sam as he put his plate in the kitchen sink and headed back upstairs. She shook her head once Sam was out of the room. “That poor boy works so hard. But I guess that’s the price to pay to get into law school nowadays.”

“Sam wants to get into law school?” Cas wondered.

Dean sunk in his seat. “Yeah. He’s smart enough to get in, even to Stanford. I just—I worry about him sometimes. Doesn’t he seem a little off today?”

Mary looked at Dean, confused. “I figured he had a really big test to cram for. That’s how he usually gets when he does.”

“Maybe,” Dean allowed, trying not to unnecessarily worry his mother.

Cas offered a sympathetic smile from across the table, and Dean returned it.

***

Dinner didn’t go as well as Dean had expected. Mary seemed happy with Castiel, so that was a plus. But then again, why did Dean even want Mary’s approval for this bet he had going on about Castiel?

It wasn’t as though Dean hadn’t given thought to what would happen _after_ the bet. The thought was prominently there, keeping him up at night. What the hell was he going to do about Castiel? For fuck’s sake, he’d already met his family! If Dean really put some thought into this bizarre relationship, then he’d already have lost his mind.

But for now, Dean had Castiel in his Impala, ready to take him back home. Castiel had smiled when Mary left an open invitation to their home, welcoming him whenever he felt like dropping by.

A small voice in Dean’s head warned him that they were absolutely rushing this situation, as weird as it may be. They were heading blindly into something that scared the living hell out of Dean. Still, none of that mattered, because right now, he had Castiel all to himself.

Pushing the gnawing concerns for Sammy aside, Dean started the engine and then buckled his seatbelt. When he turned, Castiel was already gazing at him, and Dean noted the heavy lift and fall of his chest.

“Your family is great, Dean,” Cas said, smiling.

“I know.”

“I hope you know how lucky you are.”

“I do,” Dean said. Of course he did. If it weren’t for Mary and Sam in his life, he’d be another school dropout living in his Impala, for all he cared.

Castiel sighed, reaching for Dean’s hand resting on the empty space between them. “I wish I didn’t have to go.”

Reflectively, Dean twined his fingers with Cas’, and the other boy smiled. “Then maybe we’ll get lost. Maybe I’ll forget where you live. Maybe I will just drive until we find our way back.”

“You think you could sell that story to my aunt? If so, then we’re wasting valuable time talking.”

Dean arched an eyebrow, beaming. “Hell yeah. So, we’re doing this?”

“Yes!” Cas exclaimed, releasing his hand. “Drive, Winchester.”

Feeling hopeful and energetic, Dean drove ahead.

It wasn’t long before they got on the highway, out on the open Kansas road. Neither of them had a destination, they just wanted to spend a few more minutes together. For once, Dean did not long for a car stereo. He didn’t need the music to block out his grim thoughts. Not when Cas was around.

Cas had rolled down his window, and stuck out his hand, palm straight up to catch the swiftly blowing wind. Dean drove and drove, heading west down on Highway 36.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just keep going, straight to Colorado?” Dean wondered, relaxing in his seat as the cool breeze hit his face.

“Dean,” Cas said in a chuckle. “I think my aunt would murder me and ship my bones to you in the mail.”

“Eight hours,” Dean said. “It’d take us roughly eight hours to get there.” He smirked at Cas.

Castiel was laughing now, incredulous, yet the sound was blissful. “I think you just lost your mind, Winchester. What are you gonna do, kidnap me?”

“I’d sure love to,” Dean said, smiling to himself. “We could get in at five in the morning, get some breakfast, get a room so we could sleep off the ride, and then visit the state. I’ve always wanted to go to Denver, you know.”

“Dean, no. I’m not going to take a road trip with you right now. I have responsibilities.”

“Responsibilities?” Dean asked, glancing at Cas for a second. “You’re what, eighteen years old?”

“Not those responsibilities,” Cas admitted. “But I have school.”

“It’s Friday.”

Cas was silent for a long moment, and Dean figured he was truly giving this impromptu road trip a thought. “Here’s my counteroffer,” Cas finally said.

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Hear me out, Dean,” Cas insisted. “If we do this now, tonight, I doubt my aunt will ever forgive you. I may be eighteen, but I still live under her roof. I want to get into a good college. I want to graduate. I won’t be able to do any of those things if she kicks me out when I don’t show up all night.”

Of course. Castiel had a point there.

“So, we can postpone this road trip.”

Dean arched an eyebrow, turning to Cas again. “Postpone? Until when?”

“Until after graduation,” Cas said. “I’ll have the entire summer free before college, and I will go with you. Not only to Colorado, but to every other state you want to visit. Preferably California. Oh and Washington. Let’s not forget New York and Florida. Hell, I want to see West Virginia too. So, what do you say? We save this for the summer. And when we go, we’ll have more freedom. We’ll do it right.”

“We’ll do it right,” Dean agreed. “Summer it is.” Getting a part time job at Bobby’s auto shop would probably be a good idea. If he saved up enough, their trip would be ten times better.

As he continued driving, with the weight of Castiel’s hand back on his, another thought occurred to Dean.

He could call this whole thing off now. If he had a job, he could pay Benny and his gang to call off the bet. He wouldn’t have to worry about what he had done initially. He wouldn’t have to record his “last” date with Castiel the following day.

They would be okay.

***

The root of the issue was Cas. When Dean was with him, he felt dreamy. He felt like he could rule the world by the morning. Cas had blinded Dean the night before. In the light of the day, Dean was awake and sane. And Benny was not letting him out of his bet.

“You give me three hundred and we call it even,” Benny said, smiling his sharp shark teeth.

Dean shifted on his feet. The fact that Benny had agreed to meet with him in front of the school had convinced Dean that everything would go as planned.

“I don’t have the money right now, man,” Dean tried to explain, but his friend stopped smiling.

“Is he really that bad?” Benny asked abruptly.  “I mean, you’d rather pay all that money instead of taking that scrawny kid out on a third date? You didn’t seem all that grossed out when you had your tongue in his throat.”

Dean scowled. “I want this over with, that’s all.” In reality, Dean wanted to turn back time, way before he agreed to this stupid bet. He wished he could have _noticed_ Castiel before all of this fucking mess.

Benny laughed humorlessly. “One more date. What, you don’t think he’ll say yes again? You worried you’re gonna get rejected by _him_?”

“This isn’t about him,” Dean mumbled. “Look, I’m gonna look into getting a job, but I doubt I’ll come up with the money in a couple weeks. You gotta cut me some slack, man. We’ve been friends for years.”

“Real sorry, brother,” Benny said, not sounding apologetic at all. “It’s not all up to me. Ruby and Zach have a say in this, too. They’re gonna want their money now.”

Dean sighed, feeling defeated. “Fine. I’ll give you assholes the last date, all on tape. And then what? You’re going to keep treating Castiel the same way you’ve always treated him? You gonna keep teasing him?”

“That’s all up to you, brother. What are you going to do with him after tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the word’s going around that you’ve been spotted with that boy a few times. People are gonna start wondering why the sexiest bastard in school’s dating that chump, and sooner than you think, your reputation’s going to get flush down the toilet.”

Dean blinked. After all that had happened with Castiel, did Benny truly believe Dean cared about appearances?

Well, did he?

“Who’s been saying that?” Dean wondered, simply out of curiosity.

“What do you care, Dean?” Benny asked. “I thought that Cas boy changed you.”

Dean laughed. “No one changes me, Benny. I hardly know Castiel. As soon as this is over, he and I are done. But that doesn’t mean I want you to keep bothering him. He’s hands off from now on.”

Benny nodded, smiling that wicked smile of his. “I knew you were still in there, brother. Deep down I knew it. Glad to have you back.”

Dean nodded, a little unsure, as Benny gave him a short hug. He walked back to his Impala. What the fuck had he just agreed to?

***

Bobby gave him a job. It was as easy as showing up to his grumpy old uncle and telling him he was ready to work for his money because he was broke as hell. Bobby made him work that same day, and Dean worked for five hours before he went home and showered, rushing out the door again to pick up Castiel.

The door opened on the second knock.

“The movie is about to start,” Cas complained, following Dean back to his Impala. “I thought you were going to get here sooner.”

“I was working, Cas,” Dean said, inconspicuously angling the small camera he was wearing on his jacket. “Finally got a job at my uncle’s auto shop. He doesn’t have me fixing cars yet, but he sure makes me work. When I wasn’t cleaning up the place I was getting them drinks and lunch, and fuck, I’m tired.”

Cas grinned when Dean held open the door. “I’m glad you found a job. We have to start somewhere.”

Dean went to his side of the door and slipped behind the wheel. “Yeah, I just wish I didn’t have to start as the fucking water boy.”

Cas rolled his eyes, leaning in for a kiss. Dean flinched away, highly aware of the invisible audience watching them from miles away. Cas pulled back, furrowing his eyebrows. “Is there something wrong, Dean?”

“What? Nope. Nothing is wrong.” He tried to convince Castiel, pressing a quick, soft kiss on his chapped lips. “Ready to go?”

Nodding, Castiel buckled his seatbelt. “Yeah,” he muttered.

Dean hated himself for what he was doing, what he had done, and what he was going to do right after the movie ended.

But for now, he thought he should try to enjoy this poorly written horror flick they were watching. It was so bad that instead of people gasping at the gory death scenes, their reaction was to laugh. The only person who didn’t seem to be laughing was Castiel.

This wasn’t going at all how Dean had pictured it. He was wondering if his plan would even work. He doubted himself more than he wanted to admit.

As he reached for Cas’ hand in the dark movie theatre, the other boy moved his hand to get popcorn. Undeterred, Dean made the oldest, corniest movie theatre move. He yawned, stretching out his arm over Castiel’s seat, descending it to Castiel’s shoulders.

The other boy turned to Dean, blankly, almost daring.

“What?” Dean whispered.

Castiel rolled his eyes, apparently annoyed, and continued eating his popcorn.

When the credits rolled in the movie, and everyone stood from their chairs and made a file line to the exit, Castiel stayed in his seat, staring at the screen with utter concentration. It was as if he was trying to memorize the names on the screen.

“Wanna get out of here?” Dean asked, removing his arm from Castiel’s shoulders. At this rate, he called it a victory that Castiel didn’t move his arm away.

“Dean, answer me one thing,” Cas said, not turning away from the screen.

“Okay.”

“Am I just a game to you?”

“What?” Dean shifted uncomfortably on his seat, scratching the back of his head.

“It’s not a trick question,” Cas said. “I am just honestly curious.”

Dean scoffed. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Cas. Did that shitty movie affect you so much?”

Cas shook his head, his eyes unmoving. “I just, I get the feeling sometimes. This whole situation. Asking me out completely out of the blue. It’s too good to be true. Almost supernatural.”

Dean sighed. “We’ve been over this.”

“And I believed you then. You wouldn’t lie to me, would you, Dean?” Cas finally turned to him, and his eyes were too dark to read.

“No,” Dean said, the lie, in fact, slipping easily through his lips. “I wouldn’t.”

“Okay.” Seemingly done with the subject, Castiel rose from his seat. “We should get out of here.”

On the way out the AMC, Dean went to the bathroom while Castiel waited in the lobby. Dean went into a stall and removed his camera from his jacket. He looked firmly into it.

“This is over,” Dean spoke to it. “Third date is over. I am going to flush this thing down the toilet—” Benny had given him the idea earlier. “—I am going to forget this ever happened. I am going to break up with Castiel right now, but if you think I’m going to film it, you’re dead wrong. Another thing: just like you wanted your money the next day I insisted on calling this off, I want my money tomorrow. Three hundred and fifty dollars. Every penny of it.”

Dean tossed the camera, along with the wires, down the toilet and flushed it. Ruby should have thought twice before buying that thing, knowing damn well the way Dean worked on most occasions.

Outside, patiently waiting in the lobby, Dean found Castiel in the small arcade. The place was empty since it was late, and Dean took his chance. He wrapped his arm around Castiel’s waist, pulling him away from the Pac-Man machine he was stationed at.

“Hey!” Cas chided as Dean drew him closer, guiding him back into one of those car racing machines with a roof on it, and not nearly enough room for two. They fit in the confined space somehow. Cas was half sitting on top of Dean, pushing him away, finding a place where he could place his hands that were not Dean.

Frustrated, Dean took Castiel’s wrists to still him. “Would you settle down?”

“No!” Castiel snapped. “Let me go.”

“Cas, listen to me.”

“I know what this is about,” Cas said, exhaling a sharp breath. “We just started dating, but I already met your family, and you met mine. This is moving way too fast, and you’re not used to that. You’re freaking out about us, aren’t you? Well guess what? I didn’t ask you to date me. I didn’t arrange all of this. It was all you, Dean Winchester. If you want to end this, then we’ll end this. Now.”

Dean released Castiel’s wrists and stared into his marble blue eyes. They were sad. It was a first. Then again, if Dean had paid more attention whenever Benny teased him, he thought he would have seen the same sadness in them. “I don’t want to end this.”

Castiel lifted his chin, defiantly. “Well what if _I_ do?”

“You don’t.” Dean smiled, confidently. His heart was suddenly pounding against his ribs.

Castiel gulped. “I do.”

Dean shook his head. “No.”

“Unlike the rest of our school, I am not in any hurry to be another brokenhearted teenager.”

Dean blinked, holding his gaze. “I am not in any hurry to break your heart.”

“Really?” Castiel asked, disbelieving. “Then why am I so scared? Why do I have this feeling that you’re hiding something from me?”

“Maybe there _is_ something I’m hiding,” Dean confessed, licking his lips. Castiel’s eyes flickered to the motion, biting his own lip. “I’m not scared of being with you. If there’s one thing I’m sure of it’s how much I like you.”

Despite his obvious anger, Castiel’s eyes softened. “Dean—”

“Here’s the thing, baby,” Dean said, pausing briefly at the nickname that had just blurted out of his mouth. “My stupid friends, they won’t leave you alone if they know we’re dating.” Another lie. Dean convinced himself he was doing it for Cas, but in reality, he knew he was just being a selfish lying bastard. “I don’t know of any other way to stop them than to tell them we’re through.”

Cas’ head did that pretty little tilt to the side. “What are you saying?”

“I know this is an awful thing to ask of you, but it’s the only quick way I can think of to make them stop, or to try to control them.”

“Dean, those people can tease me all they want, I really don’t give a damn anymore. It’s my last year, and soon they’ll all be completely out of my life.”

“But I do,” Dean said. This was the truth. “I can’t deal with them treating you this way, but I have no other way of stopping them.”

Castiel frowned. “What are you implying, exactly?”

“That we…pretend we are _not_ together…in school, mostly.” He felt like a piece of shit for doing this, but being hated by the entire school wasn’t something Dean wanted to experience.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Would that really work? Do they care so much about who you go out with?”

“Unfortunately they do.”

“So we can’t talk to each other in class anymore?”

Dean cupped Castiel’s face, rubbing his thumb on his cheeks. “We can still write notes.” _Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag._

 “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this,” Castiel said, leaning into the touch. “But I would rather have that than nothing.”

“Does this mean you trust me not to break your heart?” Dean wondered, feeling the joy and pride of a victory.

Castiel did not answer. Instead, he pressed his warm lips hard against Dean’s, and when Dean wrapped both of his arms around his lean body, Castiel liquefied like an ice in hot coffee.


	7. Chapter 7

The first week pretending not to care about Castiel would be hard, Dean knew this much. But he never considered another factor.

Jo Harvelle.

His perky blonde friend chased him down the hallway that Monday morning as soon as she spotted him near the water fountain. She ran up to him, and yanked him from his arm, and Dean spun around, unable to hide any longer.

“Jo, Jo, Jo,” Dean said. “I’m running late. Can’t stay to chat right now.”

Jo grinned, releasing his arm. “Relax, this isn’t about your neglected Class President duties. This is about Castiel.”

“Who?” Dean said, feigning complete oblivion.

Jo folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. “A little bird told me you went to a The End concert with Castiel and you were very cuddly underneath a tree.”

“I don’t know who that damn bird was, but they sure as hell were lying.”

“Dean, if you like Castiel, I really don’t blame you. He’s very good looking, and he’s so smart. I have French class with him, and my goodness, have you heard him speaking that language? The way he rolls his tongue, hmmm. And his eyes, they are like perfect blue moons.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Take a cold shower, Jo. I need to get to class.”

Jo sighed. “I thought we were friends. Now you can’t even trust me enough to tell me about your love life?”

“There is no love life, Jo!” Dean snapped. “We went out a few times, but it’s over. I broke it off. You can go tell that to your _little bird_.”

Apparently surprised, Jo gaped at him. “Is this because of those rumors?”

Dean huffed out a long breath. “What the fuck are all these rumors? I barely talked to him last week!”

“You know how these petty people are,” Jo said. “It’s high school. And you’re one of the most talked-about people in campus. Remember back when we were dating? People talked about us all the time. They all thought we were going to break up after our second date.”

“We were both freshmen,” Dean said. “But it all worked out in the end, right? We’re still friends, we get along.”

“We hardly ever talk, jackass. And it’s not because we broke up. It’s because you decided I wasn’t ‘cool’ enough to hang with the great Dean Winchester.”

“You know that’s not true,” Dean said, although part of him knew it was.

“It is true, but this is irrelevant. I just don’t want you to do the same thing to Cas. He’s really sweet. He’s funny, too. The other day he heard my stomach growling because I skipped breakfast and he offered me a snack. How can you dump him?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Gee, I had no idea you were so in love with the guy.”

Jo laughed. “I’m not! But as much as I like you—as a friend—I don’t think you’re the best when it comes to relationships. I’ve been there before.”

“Okay, I don’t have time for this. I’m going to class.”

***

Dean ran into Castiel in the empty hallway on his way to class. He was fifteen minutes late, but he wouldn’t mind being twenty minutes late just to talk to Cas. Cas stared at Dean, and he felt blood running to his face.

Dean lifted his hand to wave at him, but Castiel lowered his eyes and glanced at his feet as he went into the bathroom. This would be hard.

In math class, Dean had to fight the urge to joke with Castiel and whisper corny things into his ear and make him nervous. He knew he had to control himself, and Castiel was making it both hard and easy. He was making it easy because he didn’t even look him in the eyes when Dean walked into class, despite the fact that Dean nearly tripped on his way to their shared desk. But he was making it hard because he was wearing a denim jacket with a white tank top and dark blue jeans. His fucking hair was spiked and rough and long. Why hadn’t Dean noticed this before? Was Cas making himself look ten times more desirable today on purpose? If that was the case, it was actually working.

Fuck.

Dean scooted his chair away from Castiel and cleared his throat. Benny nodded at Dean from his seat besides Chuck, and Dean nodded in return. Benny smirked when he noticed Dean’s feigned annoyance at Castiel, and Dean made a sour face and rolled his eyes.

Castiel took out his notebook and wrote something Dean couldn’t read, until he slid the notebook to his side. Dean took it, checking to make sure Benny wasn’t looking.

_Did you tell your friend? He seems really interested in us today._

Dean frowned. He spared a glance towards Castiel, and the other boy blinked at him before he looked away.

 _Yes. They’re going to leave you alone. Sorry about this. It’s weird, huh?_ Dean responded and returned the notebook to its owner.

_It’s harder for me, I’m sure._

_Yeah right. You’re a sex god. You got them apple bottom jeans but you’re missing the boots with the fur._

Castiel read Dean’s note and covered his mouth to muffle his laughter. Dean shook his head and chewed off a smile.

 _Stay classy,_ Castiel wrote back.

_You know I’m not kidding, right? You look great._

_Thanks._

_Are you finding it hard to resist me?_

Castiel let out a long breath when he read that.

_Make out with me today after school and I will tell you._

Biting his lip, Dean wrote down a response.

_I have to work. Rain check?_

_Sure._

Mr. Fitzgerald entered the classroom and Castiel flipped through his notebook on to a clean page. Dean understood their conversation was officially over. He glared at Benny as he pulled out his own notebook and class began.

***

 

When he met up with Benny and Zach at lunch, Dean found it strange not to see Ruby with them. Especially today, since they were supposed to pay up their share of the bet money. Dean had been kind enough to give them until Monday, mostly because he’d had to work a long shift on Sunday, and when he got home he took Castiel to the park.

The fact that Ruby was a no-show didn’t affect Dean any longer because Benny handed him an envelope with three hundred and fifty dollars. Dean pocketed the money and walked with them to Taco Bell for food.

“She’s pissed about the camera,” Benny said. “She almost didn’t give you her share.”

“Well, a bet’s a bet. And she can’t complain about the money.” Dean took a sip of his Coke to swallow down his taco supreme.

“She’s still selling,” Benny said.

Zachariah hummed in agreement. “She’s looking for people to sell for her. She wants to become a distributor, says it’s less dangerous that way.”

Dean shook his head. Ruby was known for selling weed on the streets. A lot of people at school went to her whenever they wanted to get high, and she made sure to give her customers the best personal treatment. As in, she sold them both a joint and a good fuck, or so he’d heard. Dean had never agreed with her behavior, but this was definitely a change for her.

“Well, I feel sorry for whoever is dumb enough to agree to that,” Dean said.

“Hey, Dean, you think that nerd suspected what you did to him?” Zach asked, changing the subject. “He seemed really quiet on your last date.”

“He’ll never find out,” Dean said, sounding more sure than he felt. “We’re through, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Yeah, but I mean, what if he _does_ find out? Don’t you think he’d be really pissed off? I would fucking kill you.”

Dean laughed, humorlessly. “Like I would ever date you, bet or no bet.”

Benny groaned. “Calm your dicks down, boys. Speaking of Dean’s former lover, I got a present for you, brother.” Benny pulled out a DVD from his backpack and handed it to Dean. “A movie, starring Romeo and Julie.”

Dean gaped at the DVD, in a long thin box. Benny had also taken his time to make a movie poster with a screenshot of Castiel feeding Dean cotton candy. The camera had captured him in his best light, with the moon as the perfect background. Good God if Castiel ever saw this Dean would never hear from him again.

“Why did you do this, asshole?” Dean demanded. “I never said you could make a fucking movie out of this whole thing. You were supposed to get rid of those videos!”

“Shit, man, it’s not going to be sold in a store near you or featured at an AMC. It’s just a copy for you to remember the sleaziest thing you’ve ever agreed to do.”

Dean glared at Benny, and then at Zach. “Did you know about this?”

Zachariah shrugged.

“I got a copy for you too, brother,” Benny said, giving him another DVD. “I already gave Ruby hers.”

Dean pushed his food away. He was no longer hungry. “This is fucked up in so many ways. What the hell am I supposed to do with this? I sure as hell don’t want anyone else to have a copy. You got that, Benny?”

Benny grinned. “You’re getting too worked up over a guy you just dumped, brother. _Did_ you break up with him?”

“Yes, I fucking dumped Castiel, okay? But I don’t want him to ever find this. I swear to God, Benny.”

“Fine, fine,” Benny said, laughing. “I won’t make more copies.”

“And get rid of the original files,” Dean said, getting up from the ground and tossing his food in the nearest trash can. He considered throwing the DVD in there as well, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t bear thinking that such a pretty face, happy with cotton candy, would end up in a dump. Dean packed the box in his backpack and walked back to campus.

***

That day after school, Sam got in the Impala later than usual. Dean was falling asleep when his younger brother opened the passenger door.

“Hey,” Dean mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “What’s up?”

Sam was frowning, looking like he’d been to hell and back. His eyes were red rimmed and he had purple bags under them. Those had been there in the morning, but they seemed more prominent now.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Dean wondered.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sam—”

“Dean, I don’t want to talk about it,” Sam hissed.

“But—”

Sam let out a loud sound of frustration. “Dean, I’m fine! I don’t want to talk about it. If you want to have a conversation, change the subject.”

 _Sammy, what the hell is happening to you?_ “Okay. Well, now that you mention it, I was meaning to talk to you about something.”

“Cas?” Sam asked, staring at Dean with bleak eyes. “You broke up with him?”

“Where did you hear that?” _Damn, gossip does travel fast._

“Everyone’s talking about it. I hear Lisa’s thinking about asking you out. She thinks after Castiel, you’re probably ready to go back to girls for good.”

Dean snorted. “Can I tell you something? It’s kind of an unusual situation, but I can’t really hide it from you.”

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Cas and I are still together,” Dean said. “We’re just pretending we’re not together. Look, don’t give me that judgmental look, I know how it sounds. But I’m doing this for his sake. Benny won’t leave him alone as long as we’re still dating.”

“Dean, this is insane.”

“Well it’s working,” Dean said. “And it’s not like Cas and I won’t see each other anymore. He’s gonna come over more often.”

Sam buckled his seatbelt. “Dude, do whatever you want. If you want to treat your boyfriend like nothing, then that’s on you.”

“Alright, enough of the chitchat, I gotta go to work.”

***

Christmas break was in one week, and the days were longer than they used to be. With work and finals and not enough time with Castiel outside of school (where they could talk to each other), Dean was stressing out. If it wasn’t for those at-home private study sessions with Castiel, he wouldn’t have made it.

Cas had agreed to help Dean study for his finals at Dean’s place—at the kitchen table because Dean would never get anything done with Cas and a bed in the same room.

They were going through Dean’s Algebra notes, and Dean kept getting frustrated at all the numbers and letters.

“How can you get this? This is, like, a completely different language,” Dean complained.

Cas glanced at him, his lips quirking up. “Dean, we’re both seniors taking Algebra II. This is the easiest math to take. The only reason I’m good at it is because it’s a review of what we learned last year. Trust me, I am terrible at math.”

“Oh great, that makes me feel _so_ much better. I’m taking math for dummies and I know nothing.”

“That’s because you spend the entire class groping me under the table. If you actually listened, you might learn something.”

“I’m not interested in learning how to plot numbers into a stupid graph when I could just be touching your thighs.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Dean, come on.”

“What?—it’s true!”

“Just focus!”

“I am focusing, dammit! Why can’t you just transfer your knowledge into me? Maybe your lips can do that.” Dean wiggled his eyebrows.

Castiel shook his head. “Not until you finish this graph. And while you do that, I will work on my French.”

Dean lifted his head at that, remembering something Jo had told him before. “Hey, say something in French.”

“What?” Cas asked, looking up from his notes.

“In French, say something.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Just whatever you know,” Dean said, smiling. “I’ve heard from someone that you can do it oh so very well.”

Cas tilted his head, confused. “People say that about me?”

“You have no idea. My, uh, ex is one of them.”

Surprised, Cas widened his eyes and opened his mouth. “Wait, which one? You’ve basically dated the entire school.”

Dean scowled.

“You know it’s true.”

“Jo Harvelle.”

“JO?”

“Yes, Jo. And don’t you even think of telling her I told you.”

“Wow,” Cas said, blinking. “Jo?”

“Yeah, and don’t get any funny ideas.”

Cas chuckled. “ _Êtes-vous jaloux?_ ”

Boy, had Jo been right about the French. It was like something had possessed Castiel and it was trying to escape through his lips. Dean liked those lips.

“ _Je t'aime_.”

“ _Si_?”

Castiel laughed wholeheartedly, twisting his fingers through Dean’s jacket and pulling him closer. “That’s Spanish, baby.” He pressed their lips together in a long, sweet kiss that sent shocks to Dean’s crotch. A tiny moan escaped Castiel’s lips and Dean pressed closer.

“Algebra,” Castiel whispered into Dean’s mouth, before nipping at his lower lip and releasing him. “Get back to work.”

Dean felt a cold chill at the loss of contact and rubbed his face with his hands. “You are _killing_ me, Cas.”

“ _Un autre baiser plus tard,_ ” Cas responded in the same beautiful wave of sounds he had spoken before.

“I don’t know what that means, but it sounds exciting.”

Cas smiled. “Good. So get to work and you’ll find out.”


	8. Chapter 8

The routine at Bobby’s Junkyard auto shop was almost the same as it had been the first day at work. It consisted of Dean running Bobby’s errands, making them coffee, bringing lunch to him and his mechanics, cleaning the restrooms and basically being their little bitch.

It was okay, though, because he was doing this for his road trip. In the summer, he and Cas would take off to explore a variety of states in his Impala and he would now have a proper stereo for them to enjoy.

Now that he had the money, Dean purchased a car stereo fitting for his Chevy Impala. He bought a new set of speakers, but none of that douchery from nowadays. His stereo would play cassette tapes. He had a heck of a lot of them, and plenty of mixtapes his dad had passed on to him.

Dean had asked Bobby to help him wire all the cables. Dean had some mechanic knowledge from the days when his dad was alive, but after he’d lost John, nothing had been the same. He was supposed to be working at the Junkyard ever since he could remember. His dad had worked there. It was indeed the family business.

But after losing his father, Dean could not bear the thought of stepping into that place. After a few years had passed, Dean realized the only reason keeping him from working with his uncle was sheer laziness. As a committed slacker, working just wasn’t something appealing to him.

His father hadn’t left them empty handed. Mary had never pushed Dean into finding a job. Most of the things he’d wanted, he’d gotten through very shady methods. Hence, his brand new stereo.

His black leather jacket was the result of a pool game. His books were mostly gifts from his exes. In his time, Dean dated a lot of readers. A lot of his records were bought with fake credit cards.

So, the fact that Dean had agreed to this awful bet was not surprising at all. But the fact that he had not broken contact with the person he used, merely as a means to an end, well, that was the lowest Dean had stooped to.

Bobby worked in the Impala, sitting behind the steering wheel, as Dean handed him the needed tools from the passenger seat. He was learning as his uncle worked, hoping he could eventually learn to do this to other cars.

“You been lost for a while, son,” Bobby muttered, uniting two wires. “Been causing nothin’ but trouble, I assume.”

Dean chuckled. “You have no idea, Bobby.”

Bobby grunted. “How’s the kid?”

“Sammy?” Dean wondered. To think of Sam as a kid was ironic, considering his unbelievably enormous size. “He took to developing a snarky attitude, with me especially.”

“Not shocking,” Bobby mumbled. His uncle turned to Dean, furrowing his brow. “Your mom? She’s okay?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, her online shop is doing really well. She still makes the best pies in the state. You should come over sometime.”

Bobby frowned, continuing with his work. “Might drop by one of these days. I do miss the family.”

“Well, we miss you too, Bobby. I think Sam could use some talking to. I have no idea what’s been going on with the guy lately. He’s not behaving like his usual nerdy self, you know.”

“Which one is it? Drinking? Drugs? Unprotected sex?”

Dean widened his eyes in alarm. “Bobby, geesh. I don’t think Sammy would ever do any of those things. Whatever it is, it’s not that. He’s just weird. But I guess Sam’s always been weird. Right?”

Bobby shrugged. “Better safe than sorry, idjit.”

Dean smiled. He’d missed being called by that name.

***

“Dean! Dean, over here! Hi there, handsome.”

Dean spun around. The almost glorious image of a beautiful teenage girl ready to open her legs at his service approached him. Lisa, who had dark wavy hair, naturally tan skin, and a shining white smile, reached for his shoulder once she got closer.

“Hey, Lisa,” Dean said, scanning the crowded area in the hallway where she had spotted him. The next moment he realized he was being pushed towards a wall, by a strong hand on his chest. “What are you doing?”

“I heard you dumped your rebound,” Lisa said, inching closer and closer. Her hands had traveled down his arms, and somehow their fingers were laced together, and she leaned into him with all confidence and tenacity. “Now that school’s out, we can go back to having fun together.” She lifted her face, angling her lips to his lips.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a few people staring. Most of them were in a rush to evacuate the school, now that their last class was over and they had a winter break ahead of them to do absolutely nothing. But he noticed the feet of one particular person stop on its pass. They were wearing blue Converse, and just as his eyes scanned the body of the person, the drumming of his heartbeat alerted him of who it really was.

Castiel was frozen, so still and so quiet just a few feet away from the scene. He was clutching a thick textbook in his arms, and he was staring at Dean’s eyes. Not at the way Lisa was possessing him, but at Dean himself.

Dean was able to snap out of it, and he moved his neck just in time to evade Lisa’s lips. She groaned in disapproval, and released his hands, holding his face in her warm soft hands instead.

“I should have never let you go, Dean,” Lisa whispered.

“Lisa, please stop,” Dean urged, keeping his eyes on the seemingly paralyzed Castiel. He didn’t want to play this card, but he had no other option. “Cas is right there.”

That did the trick. Lisa let Dean go, turned around on her heels, and caught Castiel still in his frozen state, gaping at Dean with clear betrayal for more than one reason.

Lisa laughed, stepping forward. “Well, looks like your little rebound still has feelings for you, Dean.” She pouted her lips mockingly. “I am so sorry, sweetheart, but Dean’s got his old girlfriend back. He doesn’t want you.”

Castiel blinked, scowling at Lisa. He seemed to consider between standing his ground or walking away and ignoring her. When he opened his mouth to speak, Dean realized he went for the former option. “You can have him, for all I care.” Castiel didn’t look at Dean when he walked away, but Dean watched him until he walked out the front doors.

Lisa smiled at Dean, running a hand through his hair. “He’ll get over it.” She laughed, watching Dean carefully. “Don’t tell me you still care about that loser, Dean. He’s a total geek. Besides, I don’t think he’ll be bothering you any longer.”

Dean swallowed. _That’s the problem_. He glared at Lisa, his blood boiling with rage. “Lisa, let’s get one thing straight. You and I are _not_ back together. And Castiel, he was never my rebound. _I_ dumped _you_ , remember?”

Lisa gasped, her face disbelieving. “But Dean—”

“I have to go.” Dean started for the front doors, the same ones Castiel had walked out through. As he walked, he was thinking over and over: _how the hell am I going to get out of this one?_

_***_

It was almost Christmas, and Castiel still refused to answer Dean’s phone calls, or even answer the door when he went to his house. His aunt opened the door the last time he’d been there, and she had refused to let Dean in, and made him promise to stay away or she would call the police.

It was bullshit. Castiel didn’t know what he’d seen. He didn’t know Lisa the way Dean did. And he didn’t know that Dean might have had a weak moment. What could he do when a pretty girl was pushing against him? He was resisting, wasn’t he?

Fuck. Castiel was never going to forgive him for this one. He needed him back. He needed to clear things up some way.

So he went to Sam. His brother, the mastermind of the Winchesters, would have the solution to this problem. Or at least Dean hoped so.

He found Sam in the living room watching something that looked like a soap opera. Dean fell on the couch and started watching the TV. Two things that caught his attention from the show were that it contained doctors and these doctors had very passionate kisses in various spots of the hospital.

“What are we watching?” Dean finally asked.

Sam sighed. “Doctor Sexy M. D.”

“What’s the story here?”

“Dean, what do you want?”

“Nothing,” Dean said quietly. “I’m offended you would think I’m watching some stupid show with my little brother only because I want something.”

Sam arched an eyebrow, glancing at Dean suspiciously. “Don’t you?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Alright, you got me.”

Sam grinned. “You could have started there, you know. Unless you were just too curious about Doctor Sexy.”

“Was not,” Dean said, loud and clear. He cleared his throat and shifted on the couch, turning to Sam. “I need your help on something. Not sure it’s going to work, but I know how convincing you can be.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to call Castiel,” Dean started, and waited for an interruption from Sam. The other boy just listened carefully. “I need you to get him to come over.”

Sam nodded. “Okay. When?”

“Today? Or is that too eager? Shit, it’s been days since I’ve seen him. Christmas is in two days, and I just don’t want him to be mad at me anymore. It fucking sucks.”

Sam smiled sympathetically. “I know how you must be feeling. Look, I can’t promise any magic, but I can give it a shot.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure. I got your back,” Sammy said, smiling again. “Anyway, what are you going to do if he actually comes over?”

“I never thought of that,” Dean said, blinking. “Maybe you could take Mom to the movies, and then to the Christmas Lights show downtown. She used to love going there every year before…” Dean trailed off, and when his eyes met Sam’s, he cleared his throat. “So, think you can do that?”

“What are you going to tell Mom when she asks why you’re not going?” Sam wondered.

“Tell me what?” Mary asked, walking into the living room. She stopped behind the couch, staring down at both of her sons. “You two are being very secretive right now. What am I missing?”

Dean shared a look with Sam before he turned to Mary again. “Mom, I told you that Cas is mad at me, but technically, I did nothing wrong. I just want Sam to help me prove this to him.”

Mary bent down, placing her folded arms on top of the couch. “Okay, so what’s the plan? I want in.”

“Seriously?” Dean laughed.

“Of course, dear. I like Castiel, and I know you like him too. I want to help you win him back. So, what do we do?”

Dean smiled at Mary, and then at Sam. Castiel wasn’t kidding when he’d said his family was great. They were perfect.

***

After planning what Sam was going to say on the phone for half an hour, and Mary rejecting their ideas and coming up with better lines, they finally agreed on something. Sam dialed Castiel’s number and waited for an answer as Mary and Dean huddled up on the couch, watching him eagerly.

Sam looked uncomfortable with their attention, so he bowed his head between his legs. Dean tried to force his head back up when he heard the answer on the other end of the line. The room suddenly fell silent.

“Cas? Oh, hi!” Sam said, lifting his head. “Yeah, it’s Sam Winchester, remember me? I asked Dean for your number, sorry. Yeah, he’s okay.” Sam smiled widely at that, and Mary gave Dean a playful shove. Dean was definitely _not_ getting his hopes up. “Oh, well I recently took up painting. I bought all this paint and canvases, but when I tried painting, I realized I don’t know the slightest thing about it. I know you’ve done some paintings, and you’re in the art club. I was wondering if you could come by today and help me figure this out.” Sam paused, staring at his feet. “Okay, sure. No, just a favor between friends. Dean won’t know anything about this. He’s probably out with his friends. Alright, cool. See you here.” Sam hung up the phone.

Dean and Mary waited anxiously, staring at Sam until he finally said something. “Dean, you should probably shower because Castiel will be here in one hour.”

“What!” Dean exclaimed, rising from the couch. “One hour? That’s not enough time, Sammy. You both need to get out of here and I need to clean up and—what if he walks out on me when he realizes there is no you here, Sammy?”

Sam stood up and held Dean’s shoulders, stilling him. “You just go upstairs, get in the shower, and put some decent smelling clothes on. Mom and I will take care of the rest, and we’ll be out of the house in less than an hour.”

Mary was at his side, grinning. “Dean, remember to be nice. He’s a nice boy, too.”

“Mom, I can handle it. But thank you,” Dean said. “Thanks to both of you.”

“Go, Dean,” Sammy snapped. “Upstairs. Fifty nine minutes on the clock. Go, go, go.”

Dean stumbled on his way upstairs, and Sam and Mary laughed as they watched him disappear.


	9. Chapter 9

Forty minutes into the hour, Dean came downstairs to find an empty house. He was fresh out of the shower, wearing jeans and a long plaid shirt. His hair was still dripping wet, but he didn’t want to turn on the hair dryer, fearing that Castiel would come knock on the door and Dean wouldn’t be able to hear him.

On the door was a post-it note, and Dean picked it up.

The note read: _Good luck, Dean!_

Dean smiled to himself and folded the note into his pocket. He noticed the house was cleaner than when he’d gone upstairs in a rush. The dishes were done, and the air smelled of pine trees. He stood in front of the hallway mirror, trying to tame down his wet hair. He felt like such a mess. It wasn’t just the way he looked, but the way he felt that had him looking like a wreck.

He considered the guilt he still felt for what he’d done to Castiel. Maybe Dean wasn’t guilty of the thing Castiel was pissed about, but he was guilty for other things. Who dates anyone on a bet? _Not any decent people._

Dean had once promised Castiel he wouldn’t break his heart, and he couldn’t keep this one promise. What future could he have with Castiel if he had to live with the thought of the bet for the rest of his life? How could Dean ever forget the fucking bet?

When the doorbell rang, Dean panicked. His mouth felt suddenly dry, and he glanced at the fridge, thirsting for water. But Castiel was here. He took a deep breath and walked to the door. He glanced through the peephole and noticed Castiel holding a large canvas board and a small backpack.

Dean stepped back to open the door. He smiled to Castiel in earnest.

“Dean,” Castiel said, looking bewildered. “Sam said—”

“I know,” Dean said, his neck feeling hot. He held the door open to let Castiel inside. “Need any help with that?”

Castiel glared at Dean, but he walked cautiously inside the house, setting the white canvas on the floor, leaned up against the wall. He threw his backpack on the floor and turned to Dean, not saying a word.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Dean said slowly, carefully. Castiel was watching him with complete anger in his dark blue eyes, and Dean didn’t know how to accept that emotion directed towards him. “I asked Sam to call you.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Don’t be mad at him. He was just being a good brother.”

Castiel shook his head. “I’m leaving.” Cas reached for his things, but Dean stopped him, placing a hand around his wrist. “Dean, please. I can’t do this right now.”

“No? So, when can we do this? When are we finally going to talk about what happened?”

Castiel looked away. “I don’t want to do this, ever.” Dean released his wrist.

Dean folded his arms, forcing Castiel to look him in the eye. “What are you trying to tell me? That you don’t care about us? Cas, I can’t believe you’re going to let someone as insignificant as Lisa tear us apart.”

“She’s not insignificant, Dean,” Cas muttered. His blue eyes were sad as he spoke. “She meant something to you. You were with her for a long time.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Dean ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Dean, don’t you get it? If it’s not Lisa, it’s someone else. You’ve been with half the school, mostly at the same time. You don’t know how to be faithful.”

“Cas, how can you say that? You don’t know a _thing_ about me.”

“I know more about you than you know about me,” Castiel said firmly. “Just like I care far more about you than you ever cared about me. It’s clear and simple, so why don’t we just leave it at that?”

“Cas,” Dean breathed, stepping closer. “I know this is hard for you, pretending we’re nothing in front of the whole school. But I won’t let anybody mess with you as long as I’m around.”

Castiel inhaled sharply. “I—I don’t think I’m the one for you. Why can’t you just leave me alone? Just forget about me, and let me go. I promise I won’t ever talk to you again. Feel free to sleep around until you finally settle down. Just don’t bring me into this game of yours.”

In one second, Dean felt his entire world collapsing down around him. How could Cas say something like this, make it sound so simple?

“You don’t want me, Dean,” Castiel said, his lower lip trembling. His eyes were welling up with tears, but it seemed he tried to fight them back. “I’m not going to force you to be with me. I have a little more dignity than you think.”

“I don’t want anyone else, Castiel Novak,” Dean whispered. “I want you.”

“I have to go,” Cas said, picking up his backpack from the floor.

Dean stepped closer, holding his face between his hands. “Stay,” Dean breathed, begged. He removed one of his hands from Cas’ face to plant a kiss to his cheek, once, twice, softly and sweetly.

Castiel shivered underneath his hold. “Dean, I can’t. I’m so afraid. I fear how much you mean to me. I’ve never let myself care so much about a person before. You just came into my life and…fucked me up—completely. I want to go before it’s too late.”

“Late for what?” Dean asked, cupping Castiel’s face again.

“Before it’s too late to forget you, and let you go,” Castiel admitted, swallowing.

“ _I_ don’t want to forget you,” Dean assured him. His hands moved from Castiel’s face to his waist, holding him steady, making him feel the impossible, aching need he had for him. “I found in you everything I was looking for, when I wasn’t aware I was looking for anything.” Having Castiel so close made Dean speak more truths than he had ever spoken in his lifetime. Having Castiel so close was making Dean lose control of himself. His seduction skills kicked in, and Dean had no way of stopping them. Not unless Castiel stopped him first.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered. His hands hung down his sides, in tights fists. He was willing to fight the same need Dean felt right now. The hunger.

“I have never met anyone before who made me feel this way,” Dean confessed, kissing Castiel’s neck this time. The other boy closed his eyes, the fear drowning away in a puddle of need and desire.

“I’m afraid,” Castiel repeated, his hands slowly tying around Dean’s neck. He tilted his head as Dean continued kissing his neck, allowing him more skin. Dean nibbled on his earlobe and Castiel let out a tiny moan. “I’m afraid of losing you, and I’m afraid of being with you,” he said in a desperate voice, filled with shallow gasps.

Dean’s lips trailed down Castiel’s jaw, savoring every kiss as if it was the last. Dean could not allow for it to be the last. He had to fight for what he wanted, and what he wanted was Cas. Determined, Dean leaned back, gazing into Castiel’s darkened eyes. “I don’t want you to be afraid, baby. I want you to trust me.”

“I trust you,” Cas said, and in those three words, Dean’s world was restored.

Dean kissed him on the lips this time. Castiel dug his fingers in Dean’s damp hair, as Dean pressed closer and kissed him harder. Castiel kissed him back with a feeling greater than both of them, their chest colliding like magnets. Dean realized they were slowly moving back, towards the flight of stairs.

Their tongues were interacting when Cas sighed into him. “Dean,” he gasped, just barely pulling away. “Let’s go to your room.”

“Okay.”

Dean was an amazing multi-tasker. He managed to get them both upstairs while never breaking their heated kiss. They managed to keep all of their clothing on as they made their speedy trip. In his bedroom, Dean locked the door—even though the house was empty—and helped Castiel get out of his shirt.

Castiel let out a small, nervous chuckle when he tripped on a chair and fell on his ass on the carpet. Rather than helping him up, Dean fell to the ground with him and pressed their lips together again, insistently. They were both panting, and Dean’s forehead was glistened with sweat, but neither of them seemed to want to rush this moment.

They stayed locked together, Dean on Cas’ lap and their fingers interlocked, as they continued kissing in a way they never had before. There was passion, and a heck of a lot of it. There were quiet snickers from both of them as they bumped their foreheads or accidentally bit a lip too hard. There was silence, because they’d already said what they had to say to each other. But what amazed Dean the most was the honesty.

Despite his constant lying, Dean was being entirely honest with every urgent and chaste kiss, with every rough and delicate touch, with every shiver and moan and inexplicable emotion that flowed inside him.

By the time they made it to the bed, Dean accepted the reality of his situation. What he felt for Castiel had a name, and he knew he should be scared, just like Castiel. But he wasn’t.

There was no room for fear in this moment of happiness.

***

The two lied on their backs in Dean’s bed, underneath the thick covers. Their breathing was returning to normal, and Dean had an idiotic grin on his face he could not hide even if he wanted to.

“They’re back,” Castiel said, elbowing Dean on the ribs.

“Ow,” Dean winced. “You son of a bitch.”

“I told you they were back.”

Dean sighed. “Those two can be pretty nosy.”

“I should probably go,” Castiel said, sitting up. He picked up his wrinkled shirt from the carpet and slid into it. His sweater was still on the bed, and Dean handed it to him.

Dean sat up. He wrapped his arms around Cas and leaned closer, needing the reassurance that Castiel was really there, in _his_ bed. “Or you could stay for dinner. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hungry.”

Castiel laughed when Dean ran a hand through his messy hair. Dean had pulled on it quite a few times already. “Won’t it be suspicious if we both walk out of your room looking like we’ve been rolling in hay?” Castiel asked.

“I think we look like we just fell from heaven,” Dean said, placing a velvet kiss to Castiel’s shoulder.

“Very funny.” Cas cupped Dean’s face and pecked his lips, just once. “Get dressed before either of them come upstairs and find us like this, indisposed.”

Dean beamed. “Indisposed?”

“Dean, come on. This is embarrassing.”

“Why?” Dean genuinely wondered. “I can’t seem to find anything embarrassing about it.” Castiel’s eyes fluttered shut when Dean kissed him again, his lips lingering.

There was a knock at the door, and Dean was suddenly violently shoved away. Castiel looked like a deer in the headlights, and Dean barely had a peek at his pale bottom as he slipped into his tight black briefs, and then into his jeans.

“Dean?” Sam called from the other side of the door. “You don’t have to open this door. I just wanted to let you know that we brought take out for you because we went to eat. It’s in the fridge—it’s enough for two!”

“Great, thanks, Sammy,” Dean called.

Cas was hiding his face in his hands, his cheeks crimson red. “God, Sam knows I’m here, doesn’t he? Of course he does because you made him call me and trick me into coming here.”

“And wasn’t it worth it?” Dean asked, feeling smug and blissfully sedated.

Reluctantly, Castiel smiled. “I hate you, Dean Winchester.”

“I hate you too,” Dean said.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Are you ever going to get dressed?”

“Why? You don’t like the view?” Dean removed the blanket from his legs. “We don’t have to even leave my bedroom for the rest of the day, if you want.”

“Clothes,” Cas said, eyes bulging and cheeks blushing. “On.”

Dean laughed. He’d made Castiel nervous again. “Your wish is my command.”

***

Castiel followed close behind as Dean left his bedroom—finally clothed—and together they tumbled down to the kitchen. On their journey, they found neither Sam nor Mary, which admittedly, relieved both of them. The last thing Dean wanted was to be questioned about his time with Castiel. Granted, he owed his team some information because if it hadn’t been for them, none of this would have worked. But for now, he could do without the conversation.

“You hungry?” Dean asked, opening the fridge. A few boxes of Chinese food were ready to be reheated. “Food looks good.” He pulled out the boxes and showed Castiel, who was biting his lip anxiously.

“Will you drive me home?”

“Now? It’s still early, and I heard your stomach earlier. You need some food in you.”

Releasing a long breath, Castiel took a few steps closer to Dean. When they were inches apart, Castiel looked him in the eyes, and his gaze was impossibly sweet. “What happened today, with us, it meant a lot to me. Maybe not to you. But I’ve…Dean I’ve never done this before. I trust you, and I—I just want you to know how much you mean to me.”

The kitchen was cold and quiet, but Dean felt an electric circuit going haywire in his belly. He set the boxes on the counter and wrapped his arms around Cas, drawing him close. The other boy returned the sudden hug, knotting his hands on Dean’s back.

“Dean—” Cas started, but Dean kissed him to silence any further words from his lips.

“I know,” Dean said. “I know how much I mean to you. I feel the same way about you, Cas. And it makes me feel so small when I realize that you still don’t get this. What else can I do to prove what I feel?”

Cas gazed at him, seemingly lost in thought. “You could start by telling people at school about us. Pretending you don’t know me isn’t really helping the situation.”

Now Dean was the one feeling ridiculously nervous. “Cas, I want to. I do, baby, trust me. But I _can’t_ do that. I can’t let things go back to how they were before…”

“Before you noticed me?”

“Okay, fine,” Dean said, releasing Castiel. He picked up the boxes of Chinese and put them in the microwave and set the time. “When the new semester starts, the entire school will know about us. And Benny will go back to teasing you every chance he gets, and I will beat the hell out of him, even if I get expelled.”

“Don’t be dramatic, Dean,” Cas said, patiently.

Leaning on the counter, Dean watched the boxes rotate inside the oven. “You know, Cas, I don’t think I’ve ever brought anyone home before to meet my mother.”

“Really?” Castiel leaned on the counter beside Dean, his chin resting on his palms. “How come?”

“I don’t know. My mom never cared about my previous relationships. She just kinda rolled her eyes every time I told her I was going out with a new person. Sam was the same way. And then I mentioned you one day, and they’re suddenly Team Castiel. They went out of their way to get you to come here.” Dean laughed to himself. “I’ve never seen them so excited to help me get back with someone. Do you think it means something?”

Castiel hummed. “It must be my dazzling looks.”

“Could be,” Dean said, nodding.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Dean, what are you getting at?”

Sighing, Dean stood straight and when Castiel did the same, Dean reached for his hand. “Cas,” Dean murmured, raising Castiel’s soft, powdery hand in front of them. “Look.” He lifted his own hand, close to Castiel’s. The two hands stood there, not quite making contact with each other. “When we’re together, our bodies react.” Their hands were shaking from the near contact.

“I never noticed this before,” Cas confessed, cocking his head to the side.

Dean captured Castiel’s hand in his, and laced their fingers together. “Much better, huh?”

Castiel grinned, satisfied. “Much better,” he agreed.


	10. Chapter 10

On Christmas morning, Dean rushed through his morning routine, well aware that his favorite guest was on his way. When he knocked on the door, Mary opened it, and Dean dried his face with a fresh towel.

“Cas,” Dean said, beaming with unhidden joy as his—yes, his boyfriend—made his way to him. Chuckling, Dean caught Cas in a tight hug and lingered before letting go. “You made it just in time.”

Mary turned to Cas with a warm smile. “Are you sure your aunt doesn’t bother you coming over on Christmas?”

“No, ma’am,” Cas said politely. “She doesn’t celebrate any holidays, not even birthdays. It’s not anything religious, that’s just the type of person she is.”

Dean swung on his toes, feeling light as a bird. “Do you want to open presents first, or have breakfast? Mom is making pancakes and bacon.”

Mary nodded. “I am just finishing up.” She turned to Dean, cocking her head. “Have you seen your brother, Dean? When I walked past his bedroom the bed was empty. I thought he was downstairs.”

The smile disappeared from Dean’s face, and he turned to Cas. “I’m sure he’s around somewhere. Do you want to help me look for him, Cas?”

“Yeah. I’m all yours today.” Cas wiggled his eyebrows playfully, but Dean suddenly felt too concerned to play along. He tried for a smile, but it didn’t last long.

Dean took Castiel’s hand and led him through the house. They went to Sam’s bedroom first, but his bed was made and his room was empty, like Mary had said. Sam wasn’t in the bathroom, or any of the other rooms. They checked the garage, but it was empty as well. The backyard door was unlocked, but the yard itself was empty. Dean released Cas’ hand and stared out the glass door. “Where the hell did you go, Sammy?”

“I think I see some smoke coming from outside,” Cas said slowly. “Do you think your neighbors are having a cookout at eight in the morning?”

“On Christmas?” Dean asked. “They’re crazy, but not that crazy. Come on.” He opened the door and felt the cool air attacking his body warmth. Shivering, Dean wrapped his arms on his chest and took a step forward. As he got closer to the smoke coming from the other side of the fence, the scent got heavier. Even though the cold air was burning his nostrils, Dean couldn’t mistake the familiar smell.

Cas peeked his head through the door. “What is it?”

Lifting his index finger to his lips, Dean signaled Castiel and continued ahead. The white fence was tall, but not tall enough to not be able to see to the other side by standing on your tiptoes. Dean did just that, and found his missing brother covered in a thick blanket, with a blunt in between his cracked lips.

Dean took a step back and shut his eyes, cringing. Fuck. Fuck all. He spun around and returned to Castiel, pulling him back inside the house and closing the door behind them. Cautiously, Dean looked to the hallway, checking if Mary was around. Meanwhile, Cas gaped at Dean, waiting for an explanation.

“I found Sam,” Dean whispered. “He’s…”

“What, Dean?” Cas frowned, a crease forming on the top of his nose.

Dean exhaled. “Shit. He’s smoking.”

“Oh?”

“Marijuana,” Dean clarified quietly. “Didn’t you smell it?”

“I didn’t know that’s what that drug smelled like,” Cas confessed, lowering his head. “What are you going to do? Are you going to tell your mom?”

Was he? Hell, Dean didn’t even know what he was going to do about Sam. Where the fuck did Sam find it? Did he buy it? Did someone give it to him? Was he selling it? Why the hell was he smoking it today?

“I don’t know, Cas,” Dean finally said, reaching for Castiel’s soft and warm hands. He was still shivering from the cold, and Castiel pulled their hands to his face and blew warm air on them.

“Better?”

Dean nodded, feeling too dejected to speak.

At that moment, the glass door opened, and through it walked Sam in a blanket cocoon. The guilt in his face was obvious, but that didn’t make Dean feel any better.

Dean freed his hands from Castiel’s hold and turned to his brother.

“Mom asked me to look for you,” Dean mumbled, not daring to make eye contact with his brother. “I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

Sam gave a nervous laughter. “Really? I just stepped outside for a few minutes. Didn’t think anyone would notice.” He shrugged casually. “Oh, hi, Cas. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Cas said, shifting on his feet.

“That all?” Dean asked Sam.

Bewildered, Sam raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Dean sighed. “You should go tell Mom you didn’t get lost in Narnia before she really gets worried.”

“Ookay, weirdo,” Sam said, laughing again. He walked away, leaving a lingering scent of weed mixed with Sam’s usual cologne. Sam was sneaky, all right.

Blinking, Cas turned to Dean. “It’s going to be awkward now, isn’t it?”

“No,” Dean lied. “No, we’re just not going to tell Mom—or Sam—until I get the truth out of him myself.”

“What if he’s putting himself in danger?”

“I can watch out for my brother, Cas. I’ve done it all my life.” Dean took Castiel’s hand and led him back to the kitchen, where they all sat down for breakfast.

***

They opened presents after breakfast. Dean had remembered to get Castiel something, even before they made up. Even though he had the constant worry for Sam in mind, Dean tried to focus on Castiel’s reaction when opening his carefully wrapped gift.

“The wrapping is very pretty,” Cas commented, tearing it apart slowly. “It feels all types of wrong ruining it.”

“That’s what it’s for, silly,” Dean said, smiling. “Have at it.”

After the wrapping paper was completely gone, Cas opened the rectangular box. Castiel pulled out a cassette tape and stared at Dean.

“I made you a mix tape,” Dean said, explaining. He scratched the back of his head when he felt his mom and Sam gaping at him. “I know it’s old fashioned, but I have a new stereo in my car and I’d like us to listen to it. I can burn you a CD if it’s more convenient for you.”

Castiel threw his head back in joyous laughter. “You are adorable.”

Oddly enough, Dean’s face was flushed by that simple comment. “Um.”

“Thank you, Dean, this is perfect.” Castiel grinned in earnest and read the list of songs on the package.

“I’m—I’m glad you liked it,” Dean mumbled, glancing at his fingers. “I got you something else, but it’s up in my room. I didn’t wrap it.”

“Oh, did you finish it?” Sam asked.

Dean turned to Sam, and suddenly he was upset all over again. He had to fight hard not to frown at his brother. “Yeah, I showed Mom.”

“It is _lovely_ , Castiel,” Mary assured him. “Go ahead, go see it. Sam and I will clean up this mess.”

The two boys went upstairs, Cas trailing behind Dean. He felt nervous as he opened the door to his bedroom, and he swallowed as he led Castiel inside.

On the floor, framed and ready for display, was a drawing Dean had made. An angel—the Angel of Thursday, in particular—was wearing a large khaki trench coat. He looked slightly like Castiel, he certainly had many of his features. Messy dark hair, bottomless blue eyes, and cracked lips. The angel had elongated white, feathery wings extended on his sides, and there was a mighty glow outlining him. He was meant to look menacing at first, but the more he worked on him, the sweeter he looked, innocent.

Castiel let out a short gasp and placed a hand to his lips. “Is that me, Dean?”

Dean snickered. “It was supposed to be the Angel of Thursday. My mom said that’s what your name means. But I kept thinking of you as I worked. And he turned into this nerdy tax accountant dude who is just trying to figure out his purpose in his eternal existence.”

Tilting his head sideways, Cas grinned. “He has a back story? I live for those. Tell me more.”

“Well,” Dean continued, “he’s this badass angel, but he has a soft side. He is fascinated by humanity, and he often wonders why humans do the things that we do. I think he’s in love with one human. His human charge, the man he has to guard with his life. Except he doesn’t know how to name his feeling, and he doesn’t know that the human loves him too.”

Castiel took a step closer, reaching for Dean’s hand. “What happens to them? Do they ever realize what they feel?”

Dean inhaled a sharp breath. “I sure hope so. The two can be pretty hardheaded, they argue sometimes. I don’t think they liked each other at first very much, but now they would both die for each other.”

“I have something for you, too.”

“Do you?” Dean asked, and Castiel slid a ring into his fourth finger. To get a better look, Dean lifted his hand. The ring was thick and silver and it had a large green stone in the center.

Sheepishly, Castiel looked away. “It’s not your birth stone, but the color matched your eyes.”

“Cas, I don’t know what to say,” Dean confessed. He did not have enough words to speak, but he had enough emotion to crush Castiel’s lips with his own. The other boy was left gasping for breath by the time he was done with him.

“I would have brought you the entire stock of rings if I had known you would react this way,” Castiel murmured close to Dean’s mouth, breathing warmth into him.

“Don’t you worry, baby, I was just warming up.” Hungrily, Dean pulled Castiel in by his waist and captured his lower lip between his teeth. “You are mine, all mine.” Throughout his life, Dean had never been a possessive boyfriend, not in any of his past relationships. But this, what he had with Cas, it felt different. It _was_ different. Every moment together felt right. And now he wanted to keep Castiel as long as he could. Not because he had to, not because of a bet.

And there it was, the thought resurfaced to the shoreline of his mind. The fucking bet that had started it all.

Dean took a step back, releasing Castiel, lips and everything.

Cas was still smiling, his eyes closed, and his face full of unhidden bliss. “I love you.”

In that moment, Dean froze like a glacier. His mouth was hanging open by the time Castiel opened his eyes and cocked his head. Dean tried for a smile, but failed. It wasn’t just the declaration that startled Dean. It was the thought of the bet, it was the image of Sam smoking weed right outside their house, it was the way Castiel was looking at him, with eyes too big and too blue and…all…his.

As if sensing Dean’s every thought process, Castiel offered a wide smile. “You don’t have to say it back, Dean. I just wanted you know it. Close your mouth.” Cas laughed, reaching for Dean’s chin and lifting it up so that Dean’s mouth was forced shut.

“Cas, I—”

Cas pressed a velvet kiss to Dean’s lips. “I know. Merry Christmas.”

***

Dean couldn’t remember the last time they had sat around the fireplace together. This time, Cas was part of the family picture, and he really liked that. It was another warm feeling deep in his chest. Another nameless thing that somehow had found its way out of Castiel’s mouth earlier.

Mary had given them all marshmallows on long sticks to roast on the fire. They all chewed on their roasted marshmallows in comfortable silence.

“I’m very glad to see both of you together again,” Mary muttered, placing another marshmallow close to the fire.

“Me too,” Cas said, tickling Dean’s foot with his own. Dean chuckled and pulled on Castiel’s new scarf. Mary had given him one today. It was navy blue with black stripes and snowflakes. Castiel had immediately covered his neck with it, and Dean could not resist using it to his favor.

“I miss the quiet days,” Mary said, staring into the fire.

“Dad would have been napping by now,” Sam said. “He always napped in the middle of a holiday. Thanksgiving and Christmas were his favorite nap days.”

Dean sighed. “Couldn’t get him out of bed for hours.”

“Yeah, and if you tried, he would find you and you had to deal with the worst possible punishment he could come up with,” Sam said, laughing quietly.

“You always helped him when the punishment fell on me,” Dean accused. “Holding up my arms as he tickled me. I couldn’t save myself.”

Sam gave a throaty laughter. “You did the same to me!”

Dean rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulder, pulling him closer. Cas was warm and he smelled of cinnamon and chocolate, a thrilling combination. Without hesitation, Cas wrapped both his arms around Dean and with the hand on his back, he marked invisible circles that felt more like a mini massage.

Time passed, fast and slow. This year, it was a good holiday.

***

“What are you going to do the rest of the day without me?” Dean asked, tilting Castiel’s head to kiss his forehead.

The other boy stared at him, and Dean admired the shade of blue in his eyes. If Dean looked closely, he could see blue flames in Castiel’s eyes. They were intoxicating.

Even though the day was almost over, and Cas had been there every moment, Dean didn’t like the thought of seeing him go. He had to, of course. He didn’t live there. But still, when Cas walked out the door, Dean would spend hours without him—the entire night. The thought was nearly unbearable.

“I am going to sleep, considering it’s very late.” Castiel sat up on Dean’s bed and reached for his shoe, slipping it on his feet. “You can walk me downstairs.”

Dean groaned, removing his heavy blanket and feeling the cold run like shocks through his body. He rose from bed and got on his feet. His head felt heavy, almost like a hangover. It probably was. A Castiel induced hangover.

“Fine. Let me go to the bathroom before we leave.” Yawning, Dean scratched his head and left the room.

***

_In the years living with his aunt, Castiel had never enjoyed a Christmas. Aunt Anna always left. She didn’t care that the entire neighborhood was opening presents or drinking eggnog or simply enjoying each other’s company. No. Aunt Anna left every year, and Cas was left completely alone._

_He’d usually just go to his room and read a book or watch a movie while eating canned food. That was his life. There was no sense in hoping anymore._

_Which was why Castiel felt so cheerful at Dean’s. With his family, Cas felt at home. They seemed to like him, genuinely like him. And they knew how to celebrate a holiday._

_Cas finished putting his sneakers on and turned to glance at his drawing, still at the same place in Dean’s bedroom. It was absolutely beautiful._

_How the hell did he get so lucky?_

_His eyes turned to Dean’s bookshelf, half stocked with books and half with DVDs. He was usually more interested in the books than the movie, but as his eyes focused on one particular shelf, he caught an interesting title._

Dean’s Bet.

Weird, _Cas thought. What an odd title for a movie. Cas reached for the DVD and pulled it out from the shelf._

 _He dropped the case when he saw his picture on the front cover. Shaking his head, he picked it up again, making sure he’d seen right. Yeah, that was definitely his face and his cotton candy and his gooey eyes staring at Dean Winchester on the night of the_ The End _concert._

_Nothing quite clicked in Cas’ brain. His subconscious told him to think about this rationally before coming up with crazy ideas. He opened the case and found a DVD inside it. It looked homemade. Why would Dean make this? When did he even take that picture of him?_

_Cas heard footsteps outside the room and he quickly pulled out the DVD and made a switch with the one in the case for_ Saw. _He put the case with his picture back in the shelf, just when Dean opened the door._

_“Ready?” Dean asked._

_“Yeah. Can I borrow this movie?” Cas asked, showing Dean the case in his hands. “I’ve never seen it.”_

_“Really? It’s one of my favorites. If you want we could watch it together tomorrow. You’re coming over tomorrow again, right?”Dean looked giddy as he stood there waiting for a response. He looked so sincere._

_Cas stood up and headed for his drawing, picking it up and embracing it. “I’m not sure, Dean. I just remembered I have a dentist appointment. Can I borrow your movie?”_

_“Yeah, sure, Cas.” A little confused, Dean rubbed his hands together. “Ready to go?”_

_Cas nodded, staring at his feet._

_“Need some help with that?” Dean was about to take the movie out of his hand when Castiel pulled away. “What’s the matter, baby?”_

_His head was a mess. What was the matter? Cas had a nasty feeling at the pit of his stomach. He wanted to scream, but he knew he couldn’t. Not here, not now. Not when he had no proven reason to._

_“Are you driving me home or not?” Castiel asked through clenched teeth. “I need to go home.”_

_“Yeah, come on.” Hesitantly, Dean placed a hand to Cas’ back as he guided them out of his bedroom. The feeling of Dean’s touch made Castiel cringe internally._

_Dean’s Bet. Castiel’s picture. Dean’s Bet. Castiel’s picture. The End. The End. The End._


	11. Chapter 11

The call went to voicemail. Again.

Dean was starting to get worried. And also, he was starting to feel like the annoying boyfriend no one wanted to have. When did he get so clingy? Why did it bother him not having Castiel around? Why did he feel like something was wrong all of a sudden?

Nothing could be wrong. Yesterday they’d had a great day together. Castiel told him he loved him after he gave him the ring. Dean kept twirling it around on his finger as his anxiety increased.

Castiel was fine. They were fine. Nothing could be wrong now. 

***

_The images on the TV screen were upside down. Not really. Castiel’s head was just hanging from the bed as he watched._

_It was odd, watching himself, hearing his own voice. Did he really sound like that?_

_They sure did kiss a lot._

_Once Dean locked himself in the stall at the AMC restrooms and shouted at his friends about the bet and breaking up with Castiel, he knew it would be over._

_But that was okay._

_Castiel grabbed the remote for the DVD player and hit PLAY again._

_He watched the homemade movie over and over again._

_Every time, he found something new. Even watching it upside down. He found a new reason to cry._

_***_

On the third ring, the voicemail machine picked up again. It wasn’t even Castiel’s voice, it was literally a machine telling him to “please leave your message.”

Dean left a message this time. What else could he do?

“Hey, Cas. Did you go to the dentist today? I miss you. Give me a call back, please.”

On his bed, Dean hung up and rolled to his belly. It was all cold without Cas in it. 

***

_Castiel was so stupid._

_He fell right into his trap. He allowed himself to be used, like a dirty mop._

_Castiel had made a complete fool of himself. All this time. It had all been a lie. Every word, ever touch, ever kiss had been a complete lie. He was the string puppet and Dean was the puppeteer._

_Dean fucked him up. That asshole had him right where he wanted him. He’d always had a tight leash around his neck. Dean never fucking cared. He did it all for money. Three hundred and fifty dollars. That’s all Castiel was worth. A few hundred dollars._

_The tears rolled out of his eyes again. They were burning._

_***_

Was it appropriate to leave five consecutive voicemails?

Dean did it anyway. He was freaking out. Something was definitely wrong. And if Castiel didn’t call him back, he was going to go to his house and demand explanations.

Why would Cas avoid him? Dean knew he’d done nothing wrong.

“Cas,” Dean said into his phone. “I’m really worried about you, baby. What’s going on? Am I just crazy? If you can’t call back, just text me. I’ll be waiting.”

He hadn’t lost hope, yet. Castiel would call. He loved him.

Right?

_***_

_Trust._

_Everyone knew that relationships needed trust. Honesty was also a necessity. They complimented each other. When there was honesty, there was trust._

_How could Castiel ever trust anyone ever again? Not Dean,_ never _Dean._

_But would he ever be able to trust anybody else? Would there ever be an escape from this sinking feeling? It sure didn’t seem like it._

_Castiel was a supernova. This whole time he’d been exploding._

_Now he was dead._

_***_

Dean put his jacket on and grabbed his keys. He was doing this. He had to.

He walked past Sam on the living room. The sight of his brother made him sigh. He wanted to make Sam his priority. He knew he should.

But something was wrong with Cas, and he had to find out why.

“Bye, Sammy,” Dean called to his brother.

Sam waved, staring at the TV. He was watching that Doctor Sexy M. D. again.

Dean shook his head.

***

 _The TV was off. He was tired of seeing the same movie repeatedly. He knew it by heart already. The dialogue could use some tweaking. A lot of it was too desperate, too_ fake _._

_Castiel stood up and rubbed his weary eyes. They were swollen and dry. They hurt. Everything hurt._

_How pathetic._

_That was the thing. Cas was done being stupid. He had to learn from this. He had to do something more than cry._

_He had to get his revenge, make Dean feel ten times worse than how he was feeling. Cas had something to focus on now. A new goal._

_“I will crush you, Dean. I will make you pay for this.”_

_Cas picked up his phone and dialed Chuck’s number._

_“Can you come over? I need to see you.”_

_***_

When Dean arrived at Castiel’s, he didn’t get out of the Impala immediately. He was afraid.

Of what, exactly, he didn’t know. He just knew that rejection was a possibility in this situation. And he wasn’t prepared to take it. Not from Cas.

He listened to one of his dad’s old tapes. The music brought good memories to him. He could relax with the sound of classic rock. It was what his dad played for him when he was a baby. It lulled him to sleep every time.

When he looked up again, Dean noticed a figure walking on the sidewalk. He narrowed his eyes on him. It was Chuck. Chuck from Algebra. What the fuck was he doing here?

Chuck turned on Castiel’s driveway and walked up to the front door.

More on accident than deliberately, Dean honked at him. It startled both of them.

Chuck turned around, his eyes scanning the neighborhood. The sun was setting, and there was an orange glow on his face. He probably couldn’t see the Impala as clearly. Chuck walked away from the front door and towards Dean.

Sighing, Dean rolled down the passenger window as Chuck got closer.

“Hey,” Dean said, friendly enough. Chuck stood outside the door, and he raised his hand briefly at Dean. “You came to visit Cas?”

“I came to pick him up,” Chuck said, digging his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Pick him up? In your invisible Batmobile?” Dean laughed, proud of his joke.

Chuck didn’t even smile. “Walking is perfectly healthy. We like it.”

“Yeah, okay. Well, I came to see Castiel, so I think you should probably head on back home. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see me.” _I really hope so._

“I don’t know, Dean. Cas asked me to come. He never mentioned you.”

Dean swallowed. “Oh yeah? Well, we’ll see what he has to say.” Dean opened his door and climbed out of his car. He slammed his door shut, making a show of it. Chuck didn’t even flinch. What the fuck was wrong with this dude? He was never this calm.

They walked together to Castiel’s front door and Dean was the first to knock. He didn’t expect the door to open so quickly. Or for Castiel to be smiling at Chuck and completely disregarding Dean.

“Hi, Chuck,” Cas said before either of them could speak. “I’m ready to go, I just need my sweater.” Leaving the door open, Cas left momentarily. When he returned, he had a brown sweatshirt on.

“Cas, I’ve been calling you. I came to see you,” Dean said, although everything was pretty obvious.

“I know, but I was busy, Dean,” Cas said. He looked at him, and he looked the same as always. Except for the fact that he wrapped his arm around Chuck’s arm and walked away from him.

Dean followed them until he caught up to their pace. “Can we talk? I came all the way to see you.”

“So did I,” Chuck said, raising his eyebrow.

_What the fuck is going on? Everyone’s acting so off._

“Cas, are you mad? Did I make you mad for some reason? I don’t know what I did, man, you gotta talk to me.”

Cas stopped mid-step. He stared at Dean, giving him a funny look. “You’ve done _nothing_ wrong, Dean. I just wanted to hang out with my good friend today. Don’t you have some friends of your own?”

“I didn’t know. I mean, you could have told me. I left you a voicemail.”

“You left me _six_ voicemails,” Cas said, and then he shrugged. “Really wanted to call you back, but my phone was dead. I left it charging in my room. Can you step out of the way? We have plans.”

Dean moved aside, hating the tightness on his chest. Everything was all kinds of wrong today.

“Okay, bye, Cas.”

Cas looked back to laugh at Dean. “Bye, Dean. Go do something fun. I’m sure you’ll find something to keep yourself busy.”

“I…” Dean couldn’t finish his sentence. Castiel and Chuck had already crossed the street, and Dean was now alone with his Impala. He had a tank full of gas and a paycheck Bobby had recently given him.

He had nowhere to go.

***

 _The diner was really cold. Cas hadn’t been here in a long time. The place was called_ Mary’s Hut _and Cas hated thinking about Dean’s mother, especially because he’d grown fond of her over the time he’d spent with Dean. And now what? He had to let it all go because it had all been a lie? Was Mary aware of how low her son had fallen? And Sam?_

_No. Cas refused to believe either of the two had anything to do with this. At least he wouldn’t allow himself to think that. He had to do something to hold the pieces together._

_After dumping four packets of sugar, Chuck stirred his cup of coffee, offering Cas a smile. “So, I’m here. I’m all yours. Lay it on me, Cas.”_

_Cas smiled. Chuck was his only good friend. Trustworthy, even. Yeah, he could trust him. Chuck would never use him for a few bucks. They’d known each other for many years, and neither of them ever needed to say more than a few words to each other. They were always on the same page._

_“I’m just trying to keep my sanity right now,” Cas confessed. He ran both of his hands through the mess that was his hair. He needed a haircut. “I’m trying to grasp, to just understand, how big of an idiot I am.”_

_“You’re not an idiot,” Chuck said, shaking his head. “It could have happened to anyone. Some people are just excellent liars.”_

_“No, I was a dumbass, Chuck. Dean—” Cas fell silent. The name scalded his tongue. “He tricked me because he knew I could be tricked. Because I was just too easy. Because I agreed to everything. I knew I shouldn’t have allowed myself to care so much, but I thought I knew what I was doing. And for a moment I didn’t care. I wanted him. I loved him.”_ I think I still do.

_Chuck took a small sip of his coffee. “So, you don’t think he loves you?”_

_“He doesn’t.”_

_“But you two spent all this time together, even after the last ‘bet date,’ right? Don’t you think that could mean he was in it for something more than the money?”_

_Cas rolled his eyes. How irritating, having someone_ not _agreeing with him. “He doesn’t care, Chuck. I don’t know why he did all that he did, but I know one thing. He hates rejection. He can’t take it. And when he wants someone, he uses them until they’re dry, and then dumps them. It’s the same game he’s always played, he’s just making it last longer with me. I’d like to know why.”_

_“What an asshole.”_

_“Maybe I deserve it. For being so fucking stupid.”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous, Cas. No one deserves being used. What Dean did is fucked up. I don’t know what you’re planning to do about it, but if you want my advice, just dump him. Let him go, cut ties with him. You don’t need someone like that in your life.”_

_“See, I thought about that,” Cas said. All he had been doing for the past sixteen hours—besides crying—was thinking. “I thought about just breaking up with him. He probably wouldn’t care all that much. Not very many people know we’re dating, ever since he decided to keep it secret.” That was still something he was bitter about. The whole secret relationship deal was because Dean was ashamed of Castiel. He never wanted to protect him. He was just being a complete ass._

_Chuck nodded, furrowing his eyebrows._

_“But then I realized that it would be too easy. I want him to feel what I’m feeling. I want him to cry for me. I want him to pay for being so heartless.”_

_Chuck stared at him, and there was a mixture of confusion and shock in his expression. “Won’t that just be more painful for you?”_

_“What’s a little more pain?”_

_“Well, then, how do you plan on doing that?”_

_Cas reached for Chuck’s hand, holding it in his. “With your help, mostly. If you want to help me in the first place.”_

_“I’ll do anything for you, Cas, you know that. I’m just worried this will all backfire, and you will end up worse than how you started.”_

_Cas gave a hollow laugh. So hollow he could almost hear the echo deep in his mind. Maybe he was already insane. “Worse than how I started? Chuck I’m practically a zombie. Dean…he…what he did to me, it all makes me feel like a worthless prostitute. I’m nothing but a walking cadaver now.” Cas trembled almost unconsciously. “I’m not going to let this go. You can either help me or not.”_

_Frowning, Chuck gave Castiel’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll help you, Cas.”_


	12. Chapter 12

When your boyfriend avoided you, there was only one thing you could do: work. Dean was done begging. He had to remember that his entire life’s existence didn’t depend on a blue-eyed boy with ridiculously smooth hair.

He talked to Bobby about working full time, and even staying extra hours to learn from the master. Dean decided becoming a mechanic was the most sensible career choice he could make. For one, it didn’t require any math knowledge. And he had a job lined up for him once he learned enough.

It wasn’t just the need for money. Dean liked working with cars. It was a new form of entertainment he recently discovered. He helped Bobby change the radiator in a baby blue ’73 Chevy Corvette, and the thing was a beauty.

Bobby had agreed to teach Dean everything he knew, to pass on the knowledge. Sometimes Dean didn’t come home until nine o’clock, and when he checked his phone, he’d have no missed calls or text messages. Castiel was ignoring him. But that was okay. He’d give him time. He’d give him space. Whatever had him so upset would pass, and they would go back to normal.

Dean had to learn about cars. He had to make something of himself. Maybe that’s why Castiel decided to push him aside. Maybe he finally realized how worthless Dean was.

“Go on home, boy,” Bobby said, wiping his sweaty forehead with an old rag. “It’s late. You’ve been working all day long.”

Dean slid from under the car he’d been working on. Even though it was late, the garage had a great big lamp to illuminate under the hood as he worked. Dean was sweaty, even though it was winter and outside it was cold and windy. He liked being there, in Bobby’s garage, it kept him busy.

“Are you sick of me already?” Dean caught the clean rag that Bobby tossed him and cleaned his face and hands. He sat up on the cemented ground and glanced up at his uncle.

“Don’t you have anywhere else to be? Hell, when I was about your age, the last thing I wanted to do was work overtime.”

Dean shrugged, rolling up the rag in his hands. “I don’t really have anywhere else to be, Bobby. I like it here.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure you do. Why don’t you head on home before your momma gets worried sick about you.”

Reluctantly, Dean stood up. “I should probably check on Sam.”

Bobby frowned, even more than usual. “What’s wrong with your brother? He doing okay?”

“He’s hanging in there,” Dean said, hoping that was the truth. “I just need to be there in case he gets out of line.”

“Did you ever find out what was up with him?”

“I’m working on it.” He needed to find out about the weed himself before he told anybody.

Bobby nodded, looking a little suspicious, but not enough to press on the issue.

“I’ll be here early tomorrow,” Dean promised.

“Wish I had your youth and strength, son. I don’t know how you’re still standing on your feet.”

“Neither do I.”

***

Classes were scheduled to start the next day, and Dean was officially sick and tired of his winter break. He wanted to start the next semester, which was a highly unusual feeling. He was holding onto the hope that maybe things would clear up this year.

_New year, new you._

Of course, everybody knew that was bullshit.

At least not all had been wasted. He’d made progress with Castiel. They had a date tonight, and Dean had taken off work for the day (Bobby nearly shoved him out of the shop).

Cas was waiting for him on the sidewalk by the time Dean pulled up. He was wearing a leather jacket and black combat boots, Dean hardly recognized him. He got in the car as soon as it came to a full stop.

“Hi, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel’s voice seemed gruffer today. Even his stubble had grown and he had a five o’clock shadow. “What?” he asked, when he noticed Dean staring at him.

“New look?” Dean asked. Underneath his jacket, Cas was wearing an AC/DC t-shirt. This was definitely a new version of Castiel. “What’s with the beard? Not that I’m opposed to it.”

Cas laughed, buckling his seatbelt. “You like?”

“I absolutely like.” Dean leaned in for a kiss, and Cas returned it, almost reflectively. When he pulled away, he saw a hint of vulnerability in Castiel that he quickly covered with a smirk.

“I’m glad you like it. I did it for you. I want you to like me.”

Confused, Dean took a deep breath. “Is this the problem, then? You’re still not sure about my feelings?”

“There’s no problem, Dean. I’m here. I love you.”

Despite the sharp tone in Castiel’s voice, hearing those last three words boosted up Dean’s confidence. There was still _something_ there. Dean still hadn’t completely lost Cas. He had a chance to figure this out and fix it. Cas looked away, glancing out his window for a moment.

“Hey.” Dean reached for his chin and pulled his face towards him. It was too dark inside the car to read his eyes, but Dean knew they were different, lighter, guarded somehow. “I love you, too.”

Surprised, Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Have you been practicing this line for tonight?”

“What? No, I said it because it’s true. Cas, baby, please tell me you believe me. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not even sure why you’ve been pretending I don’t exist for the past week.”

“I’ve been busy. I have projects and responsibilities. And I’ve been hanging out with Chuck. We’re painting a mural in my room.”

“Really? What’s the mural about?”

“The ocean,” Cas said, looking ahead. “It’s nothing close to a Bob Ross painting, but I think we’re decent artists. And we work really well together.”

“Yeah? I didn’t know the two of you were so close.” Dean was not going to let any of this bother him. He had to give Cas some space. He had to trust him.

Cas turned to him. “We are. We’re very close.”

“Good,” Dean said, casually.

“So, are we going to go or are you going to keep me waiting? It’s fucking cold.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They listened to music in mutual silence on the way to Olive Garden. Cas had once told Dean he loved Italian food, but Dean didn’t have a job at the time.

As they walked up to the door, Dean reached for Cas’ hand and he didn’t refuse, which was a good sign. A _great_ sign.

They were given a table in a windowless corner and they sat across from each other. The air smelled of garlic butter, breadsticks and tomato sauce. It was dark and gloomy, but Dean focused on the positive. Cas was there.

“What are you going to order? I think I’m going to go with something safe, like lasagna.”

Cas was hiding behind his menu and he peeked over it for a second. “I’m still looking.”

“Okay. Sorry.” Dean sighed. _Space. Give him space and time._

A familiar ringtone started ringing, and Dean pulled out his cell phone. It was still off. Castiel answered his call, and Dean watched him blankly.

“Hi, Chuck,” Cas said, smiling wider than ever. “Sure, what time do you want me to be there? Alright. Love you, too. Bye.”

Dean gaped at him. He didn’t realize his hands were now fists on the table. “Do you have other plans?”

“Yeah.” Cas kept his eyes on the menu, studying it intently.

“With your dear friend Chuck?” _Who apparently you love._

“Yeah.”

“Is he…I mean, even if he was I know you wouldn’t…”

Cas looked up. He looked annoyed. “What are you mumbling about?”

“Nothing.” Dean shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts. “So, when are you going to see him?”

“Tonight. I’m sleeping over.”

“Why?”

Cas set down his menu and blinked at Dean. “Why are you interrogating me, Dean? Don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you.” He did, didn’t he?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Cas said, somehow his tone was mocking. “I didn’t realizing it would wound your ego knowing I made plans on the same night of our date. I thought you were more secure when it came to our relationship.”

Dean frowned. “I am secure. I just don’t understand what’s happening with us anymore. I’m confused, I guess.”

“Nothing’s happening. I’m ready to order. I don’t want to get to Chuck’s too late.”

They stared at each other as they waited for their waitress. They had run out of things to say.

***

Sam’s eyes were red and puffy on the ride to their first day back at school. Dean wondered if he got high every morning.

“Have you been sleeping right, Sammy?”

Sam shrugged. “Yeah. The usual.”

“Hey, where do you go during lunch? Why don’t we eat together today?”

“Dean, no. Are you kidding? ”

“Why not?” Dean demanded.

“Because I have my group of friends and you have yours and we should not ruin that peace. It’s what keeps us from killing each other, remember?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Okay, but you still haven’t answered my first question. Where do you go during lunch?”

“I don’t know. Places.”

“Who do you eat lunch with?” Dean hoped his series of questions weren’t as obvious as they had been with Cas. Being subtle was definitely not his forte.

Seemingly annoyed, Sam groaned. “Dean, I eat lunch with friends. I don’t know. Jake, Brenda, whatever. It’s too early to be arguing. Drive a little faster, I want to get out of this car.”

“Sammy, come on, I’m not that bad.”

“Aren’t you?” Sam turned to him, arching an eyebrow. Did he know something? “You’re Dean the Saint, aren’t you? Never-do-wrong Dean.”

“I think you’re confusing me with you.” Dean frowned at the old idea he had of his brother. Dean had always thought of Sam as the perfect brother. While Dean was making bets and befriending the school bullies, Sam was joining study groups and after school activities. All of that—the perfect image of his little brother—had been stained when Dean found him smoking marihuana outside of their home. Now, he had no idea who Sammy was anymore.

“Oh, but I’m different,” Sam said, his red rimmed eyes focused hard on Dean. It was like he’d read his mind. “And _you_ ’re different, too. You’re just as screwed up as I am. You just can’t see it.”

Pulling up to the school parking lot, Dean parked the Impala and shut the engine. “How am I different?”

Sam grinned, showing his long pearly whites. “I’m not going to give up the one piece of information I could use against you.”

Dean swallowed, fearing asking the question stuck in his throat. His first thought was Cas and The Bet. “Sammy, what do you know?”

“I am going to be late for class. Glad we had this talk, Dean.” He opened the door and he was gone.

***

His table was full when he walked into Algebra class. On their table where Chuck and Cas, whispering secretively to one another. Dean scanned the nearly empty room and found Benny’s table, which was empty. He’d come exceptionally early to class so he could have a little extra time to talk to Cas.

Fisting his hands (he did that often now, when Chuck was ever involved), Dean approached _his_ and Cas’ table. There was a notebook between them and they were both sharing it. Dean gave it a quick glance and found that they were both sketching something on it. Together, of course.

Dean cleared his throat and let his backpack hang loose on his shoulder. “Hey, you’re in my seat.”

Unfazed, Chuck looked at Dean. “We’re working on something. I don’t think Benny will mind having you back at his table.” Chuck pulled the notebook away from Cas, making Cas drown in laughter. “Give it here, it’s my turn.”

Dean didn’t move. His eyes focused on Castiel and his stupid laughter and his eyes and his stubble and his leather jacket. Was this a look he was going to keep?

“Don’t worry, Benny doesn’t bite,” Chuck told Dean, sending him a wink.

“I’m sure he doesn’t,” Dean said, keeping his eyes on Cas. “How’s it going?” he asked to his direction, but the blue-eyed boy had taken the notebook back and was focused on the sketch. “Cas?” Dean repeated, opening his fists and spreading his fingers wide.

Sliding the notebook closer to Chuck, Cas finally glanced up at Dean. “You’re talking to me? Isn’t it weird talking to your ex, Dean?”

 _Oh right_. At school, Dean and Cas were no longer a thing. A _thing_. As if that truly summarized them. No. Dean and Cas were in a relationship. Secret, as it were, but a relationship as real as the two of them. How long was Dean going to keep this going? How long was he going to pretend for the sake of his popularity?

“Yeah, it is,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. It felt hot. Cas went back to his notebook and Dean headed to his old desk. He pulled out a notebook of his own and didn’t look up from its blank page until Benny sat beside him.

“It was about time you traded seats with Scrawny Boy again,” Benny said, dropping his backpack on their shared desk. “He was no easy target.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, facing Benny. His friend, who regularly had more of a beard than most teachers at school, was clean-shaven. Dean couldn’t help but glance back at Castiel’s table, noting his light darkness covering his jaw, chin and upper lip. It was as if the entire world had flipped a switch, and Dean was caught in the middle, frozen.

Benny had been staring at the same direction. “Just saying he’s not as easy to mess with. He’s kinda feisty, that little shit.”

Dean looked confused. “Chuck? The guy whose seat I stole and did absolutely nothing about it?”

“That same one.” Benny nodded. “I hear he’s your _baby_ ’s new lover boy.”

Hearing that entire sentence made Dean choke on his spit. Benny patted his back and chuckled.

“You okay there, brother?”

“Are you sure about that?” Dean asked, trying his best to sound unaffected. “I think they’re just friends. Chuck isn’t into dudes.” Although he wasn’t entirely certain, Dean somewhat recalled Jo telling him that she’d hooked up with Chuck once before. It came up a few days after they broke up because Dean had already moved on, and Jo had taken it personally. He never did find out whether she’d been lying or not.

Either way, it wouldn’t be hard for anybody to fall for Castiel. Who wouldn’t fall for that endearing son of a bitch? Dean smiled fondly at the sight of Cas, and frowned when he met Benny’s curious glance.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think you might still have something going on with that nerd.” Benny narrowed his eyes on Dean.

Dean shook his head. “I don’t give a fuck if they’re together.” Even saying it made bile rise in his throat.

“If you say so.” Benny didn’t look all that convinced, but Dean had no energy to stay on the subject.

A few rows behind him, Dean heard them laugh and continue whispering. Almost in secret. Almost intimately.

***

Finding Sam in a crowded hallway full of hungry teenagers was no easy task, but Dean had one advantage. His brother was the size of a skyscraper, and Dean managed to spot him turning down a corner and exiting through the doors on the side.

He tried to keep his pace, and still not be seen. Wherever Sam was going, whoever he was meeting with, Dean would find out.

As Dean continued following Sam’s trail, he spotted Castiel and Chuck sitting across from each other on a brown bench outside of their school building. They were eating lunch together, no big deal. At one point, Cas turned to Dean and a frown appeared on his lips as well as a crease on his brow. Did the sight of Dean really make him that unhappy? He waved away his thoughts. This wasn’t the time to worry about Castiel.

Sam continued walking by himself, crossing the busy street. Dean tried to be sneaky, keeping a safe distance between them, and thankfully, Sam never turned around. He rounded the empty building where Dean always ate with his friends, and entered an alley. Dean squatted down and hid behind a large green dumpster as Sam continued forward.

He would have to be careful whenever he stuck his head to the side to follow Sam with his eyes. That’s when he felt a hand on his shoulder, starling him. He jerked around and found Castiel bending low behind him, hiding with him.

“Were you following me?” Dean asked, as his heart lost control in his chest. He didn’t know if it was because Castiel was there or because Castiel had scared him. Perhaps it was a mixture of both.

Castiel didn’t reply, instead he peeked his head beside the dumpster, and hid quickly again. “He’s just standing there,” Cas said, his eyes never looking at Dean. He kept his vision lowered down, like he was a little boy who’d been yelled at.

“Is he alone?” Dean didn’t wait for an answer, he took a look himself.

Reclined against a wired fence, Sammy had pulled out what looked like a cigarette and was lighting it up. It wasn’t a simple cigarette. The smell proved it.

“Maybe his drug dealer doesn’t go to our school,” Cas muttered, chewing on the side of his lip.

Dean tried to lock eyes with Castiel, and he forced himself in his line of vision so the other boy had no other choice but to look at him. And when he did, Dean saw the same vulnerability he’d seen after he kissed him on their last date.

“How did you know I was spying on my brother?” Dean asked. He had a thousand other questions, but something told him Cas wouldn’t answer any of them. At least not honestly. Cas had grown fond of sarcasm as of late.

Cas blinked, releasing his lip. He’d chewed on it for a long time and it was now pink and glossy, and Dean’s eyes fell on them, craving them. “I don’t think you realize the way you were walking.”

“What do you mean?”

A faint, amused smile appeared on Castiel’s lips. “You were stepping on your toes the whole time, watching your surroundings. It was pretty obvious, Pink Panther.”

Dean squinted at Castiel. “I was _not_.”

Castiel’s eyes went wide, and then he looked away again. The moment was over.

“I could call the cops, take a picture, or just walk out there and catch him in the act,” Dean said, thinking out loud.

“Are you hoping that you’ll shame your brother enough so that he stops smoking?” Cas asked slowly. “I thought you knew how to handle it.”

“I do,” Dean said defensively. “I’m just taking it one step at a time.”

“Then handle it,” Cas pushed.

“Look, if I tell him I know what he’s doing, he’s never going to come clean. I need to find out who’s selling him that stuff. My brother didn’t just stumble upon it.”

Cas sighed. “Dean, if I were you, I’d just tell Mary.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Nobody likes a tattletale.”

“Fine, I can see my help isn’t wanted here. I’m leaving.” Cas unfolded his knees and started walking away. Dean glanced from Sam to Cas, and decided to follow after the latter. When he rounded the corner out of the alley, Dean tangled an arm around Castiel’s waist and pulled him close before he got away. Unnecessarily rough, Dean pressed Castiel’s back against the brick wall. “Let me go,” Cas urged, although he didn’t struggle when Dean pinned his wrists above his head.

“I need you to answer me one thing,” Dean murmured close to his ear. “Why do you insist on making me so angry?” Dean pulled back and stared into Castiel’s eyes.

Breathing in sharply, Castiel formed a solid scowl. “I’m not doing anything, Dean. You might just be going insane.”

“Chuck?” Dean asked, leaning in closer, until they bumped their noses. “Cas, I don’t think you know me that well.” He nosed at Cas’ jaw, nibbled a line all the way to his earlobe. His stubble tickled Dean’s lips in the best way. “I won’t be replaced. Not by Chuck or by anyone else.” Cas swallowed, and Dean admired the way his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. Dean kissed it.

“If you think you’re being replaced,” Cas said, panting. “Then why are you wasting your time with me?”

Dean grinned, pressing his torso to Castiel’s, their chests heaving. “It’s not time wasted when I am fighting for you.” Dean was serious when he spoke the next sentence. “I’m in love with you, and I don’t intend to lose you.”

Castiel’s mouth was slightly open, and Dean pressed his lips softly against his, letting a quiet moan surface from his throat. He pressed himself closer to Castiel’s body against the wall, and grinned a victory smile as he felt Cas’ fingers tangling in his hair.

It wasn’t until the other boy shoved him away that Dean saw the tears that were rolling down Castiel’s flushed cheeks. Castiel wiped his tears away with his the back of his hands and stared at Dean for a long moment before he stomped away.


	13. Chapter 13

Mary and Dean stared at the empty seat at their table. It was strange, having dinner without Sam. It gave Dean a sense of déjà vu, about the time when his dad had recently passed, and the three of them watched his empty chair. As if John would magically appear there in the blink of an eye. Maybe they were all hoping.

Fortunately, Sam was very much alive, but still, he was evasive. Right after school, he’d left with a friend who pulled up in a pickup truck. Without saying more than a quick goodbye, Sam took off, and neither Mary nor Dean had any idea where he’d gone, or who his friend was.

It was getting to the point where the only constant Dean had in his life was his own mother. He didn’t want her to change, too. Dean smiled at her as he twisted his pasta with his fork. The steam rising from the plate was almost gone. His food was getting cold.

“How was school?” Mary asked, returning the smile. Hers was warm and affectionate—real. He missed that.

“It was good. Long day,” Dean said, slowly putting the chunk of pasta in his mouth.

“How’s Castiel?”

Although Dean had expected the follow-up question, he didn’t have enough time to come up with an answer. How _was_ Castiel? They hardly talked anymore. They kissed earlier. And then Cas cried. Why did he cry? Did Dean hurt him? Was Castiel really choosing Chuck over Dean? Now he sounded like he was caught in an angsty teenage love triangle.

“I think he’s doing okay. I won’t see him today. I have work at five.”

Nodding, Mary took a drink from her tea. “That reminds me, you should ask Bobby to stop by. I feel like I haven’t seen him in years. Invite him to dinner. Cas, too.”

Dean inhaled, feeling lightheaded. “I’ll ask Uncle Bobby, but I don’t think Cas will come even if I ask him.”

“Why not?” Mary looked concerned. She put her fork down and turned her full attention on Dean. “Did something happen again? What did you do this time, honey?”

“Mom, why do you always assume _I_ did something to him?” At least this time, Dean wasn’t the one flaunting himself with another dude in front of Castiel.

“Then what is going on? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I don’t even know what’s going on,” Dean confessed, his shoulders slumped. He felt like a tiny little ant when it came to his situation with Castiel. He had no power. Dean had been counting on the fact that Cas could never resist his kisses, but today had proved him wrong.

Mary frowned, shaking her head. “Communication is a crucial part in a relationship, Dean. You have to speak to him— _with_ him—until your problems are cleared. Yes, I know it can be extremely difficult to say what you feel, but if you care enough, you will get past it. And I know you care.”

“What if he doesn’t care anymore? What if he just gave up?”

“Why would you think that? The last time I saw that boy, he looked at you like you look at pie.” Dean threw his head back in laughter. “Like the most irresistible, magical, extraordinary thing in the room.”

When he stopped laughing, he smiled at Mary again. This time he meant it. “I don’t know what I would do without you, you know that?”

Mary tilted her head and scrunched up her nose with her wide smile. “So, will you talk to him?”

Dean nodded. He had no other option. “I will talk to him.” He went back to eating, until he thought of something else. “Mom, what if he found a better dessert than pie?”

“Is that a serious question? Because everyone knows there is nothing better than pie.”

“Yeah,” Dean said quietly. “It is a serious question.”

She was still smiling when she reached for his hand. “Then he wasn’t the one for you. But you know what? I don’t think anybody will ever find a better dessert than pie.”

***

“Do you mind if I make a quick stop, Cas? I have to pick up my paycheck at Bobby’s.”

Cas shrugged, texting someone. Probably Chuck. He didn’t even care that Dean was in the car with him, that he was driving them—to their date.

By the time they got to Bobby’s Junkyard, Castiel was already on the phone with Chuck, even though Dean had raised the volume on the stereo as loud as possible. A couple minutes into his conversation, Castiel turned off the stereo completely, not even turning to look at Dean.

Dean’s patience was running low.

He left Cas in the car while he searched for Bobby in his office. His uncle was sitting behind his desk for once, instead of being out there working on cars. Bobby was the owner and boss, but he still enjoyed working on the cars himself.

“Came for your money, huh?” Bobby was looking over paperwork in his hands. He dropped the papers and opened a drawer on his desk, from which he pulled out an envelope. “Here you go, idjit.” Dean reached for it, and Bobby pulled it slightly away. “Don’t spend it on booze.”

Dean chuckled halfheartedly. “Better not give me any ideas. I’d sure love to drink away my problems.”

Going back to his work, Bobby grunted. “You’d think the problems go away with a good bottle of tequila, but they don’t. They just stack up.”

Dean nodded at Bobby and started walking out of his office. “Oh, I almost forgot. Mom told me to invite you over for dinner.”

Bobby looked up, surprised. It wasn’t an expression he found often in his uncle. “When?”

“Whenever,” Dean said.

“I could use a nice home cooked meal. How ‘bout this Sunday?”

“Sure. I’ll let her know.” Walking out, Dean closed Bobby’s office door.

Much to Dean’s dismay, Castiel was still on the phone when Dean returned to his Impala. Dean ignored him as he buckled his seatbelt. Cas actually bothered to hang up before Dean started the engine.

“This is where you work?” Cas wondered.

“Yeah.” Dean pulled out his check and held it up to Cas. “Some of this is for our cross-country road trip. Do you even remember?”

In a matter of seconds, Castiel’s eyes softened and he licked his lips. “I remember everything, Dean. I don’t have amnesia.”

“Are you sure about that? Because the Cas I was dating before would never treat me like a piece of crap. The Cas I was with was sweet and open, and he sang along to my favorite songs.”

“People change,” Cas said, looking down at his lap. His hands were gripping his cell phone.

“People don’t change. We change them.”

***

Bobby was the first one to arrive, and Mary greeted him like the brother she never had. The two went into the kitchen. Dean was still waiting for Castiel. He’d agreed to come, but he was taking his sweet time arriving.

“I thought Cas was coming over today.”

Dean turned on his heels. Sam was approaching Dean from the hallway that led to the backyard. He was getting tired of doing nothing to stop Sam from getting high right outside of their home. One of these days Mary would know the truth, and the disappointment would crush her. Dean had to put an end to this before that happened.

“He said he was.” Dean stared at Sam’s bottle of cologne in his hands. “Why do you have that, Sammy?”

“What? Oh this?” Sam raised the dark bottle. “I left it downstairs. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Can we talk?”

Sam chuckled, amused. “Isn’t that what we’re doing right now? Do you want me to get you a dictionary to prove it to you?”

Without thinking it twice, Dean grabbed Sam’s forearm and dragged him down the same hallway he’d just appeared from. He took him to the backyard and closed the door behind them, ignoring Sam’s complaints.

“What the fuck, man?” Sam freed his arm from Dean’s grip and glared at him. “What do you want?”

“I want to clear the air. I want us to talk to each other like we used to. I want us to be brothers again.”

Sam rolled his eyes, walking over to the patio set. He sat down at one of the four chairs. “We _are_ brothers. We can’t change that.”

Exhaling, Dean took the chair next to Sam, staring at his brother. “Last week you said you knew something about me. Well, I know something about you. So why don’t we just both come clean right here, right now? Maybe we can help each other out instead of working against each other.”

“Oh, fuck that,” Sam said, getting up from the chair. Dean pulled him back down by his arm. “Dean, I’m not telling you anything.”

“If you don’t tell me, then I will…shit, I will _tell_ on you.”

Sam blinked. “What are you, five?”

“I’m serious! I will tell Mom what you’ve been doing lately. What, you seriously thought no one was going to find out?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sam said, pulling his hair back. “I’m going to go say hi to Uncle Bobby.”

Dean stopped him from getting up again. “Sammy, I know.” Dean swallowed, feeling a knot in his throat. This was his little brother. He was supposed to be his responsibility. Dean had failed him immensely. “I know about the weed. I know you come out here to smoke. You do it at school, too. I followed you the other day and saw you.”

Sam’s eyes went wide, and he stilled completely. Slowly, Dean released his hold on Sam’s arm and waited for a response.

“When did you find out?” Sam asked, sounding calmer than he looked.

“Christmas.”

“Cas was here. Does he—”

“Yeah, he knows.”

“Okay, so you know. So what?” Sam raised his chin, defiantly. “It’s just weed, Dean. It relaxes me, and it tastes pretty fucking great.”

Dean frowned. “What happened to my brother? The one who did everything right, the one who was going to Stanford?”

“Who says I’m not going to Stanford anymore? You don’t know anything. If you tried it, you would agree with me.”

“I have tried it before,” Dean said, locking eyes with Sam again. “And I liked it. I did, for a while. But then I realized that it wasn’t enough. I wanted something stronger. And I stopped myself before it was too late. I might smoke a cigarette from time to time, but I wouldn’t go back to that.”

Sam clenched his jaw. “That is a _fascinating_ story. I don’t care.”

“Who’s selling it to you? Is it Dan? I told you not to talk to that guy.”

Looking away, Sam snorted. “No one’s selling it to me. That’s the beauty of it. When you play your cards right, you get it for free ninety-nine.” Sam laughed breathlessly, slouching back in his chair.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” Dean asked, hating what he was about to say. When he said it, and Sam confirmed it, all hell would break loose. “Ruby is giving you those drugs? In exchange for what? A good fuck?”

Sam’s laughter ceased abruptly, and his younger brother glared at Dean, with real menace. “Don’t you ever speak like that about her again, Dean. I don’t care that you’re my brother. I will kill you.”

Dean let out a humorless chuckle and threw his arms up in the air. “Then I guess we’ll be the next Cain and Abel.”

Shaking his head, Sammy glanced into Dean’s eyes again. “I bet you think you’re so innocent. How long are you going to keep up the big charade, Dean?”

“What do you know?” Dean watched Sam, carefully. He was still hoping he was wrong about Sam’s information.

“Your poor boyfriend has no idea how twisted you are, does he? He doesn’t know just how terrible you are.”

Fuck. Sam knew. He knew it because he knew Ruby. Because Ruby was in on everything. Because Ruby owned a copy of the stupid movie Benny made and distributed.

“Sam—”

Suddenly, Sam was on his feet, hovering over Dean, threateningly. “Oh, Dean. I watched a very disturbing movie with my girlfriend.” A thousand alarms went off in Dean’s brain. _Girlfriend??? Ruby? Movie? Cas?_ “She told me everything. And I told myself, ‘hmm, maybe I could use this information in the future.’ I just never knew the time would come so soon.” Sam moved away, giving Dean some space to breathe. He didn’t know who this was anymore. It certainly didn’t feel like his brother.

“Okay, so what do we do know?” Dean said, rising from the chair. He stepped closer to Sam, leaving only a small distance between them. “Because I’m not going to let you tell Castiel anything.”

“Calm down, Dean,” Sam said. “You know I won’t tell him the fucked up things you’ve done to him. I’m sure he’ll find out sooner or later. Ruby thinks Castiel already moved on, so maybe you have nothing to worry about.”

“Just tell me, what do we do?” Dean repeated, feeling agitated. His hands were clenched into fists.

Sam smiled, but it was the opposite of nice. “We do the only thing we _can_ do. We keep our secrets.”

“If you think I’m going to let you walk down that road—with that bitch, no less—then you’re wrong, Sammy. I’m not going to let you waste your life away.”

“Why don’t you worry about your own life, Dean? Leave me alone. I can take care of myself, alright?”

“Sam!” Dean snapped. It was too late. His brother had gone back inside.

***

“So, you’re the famous Castiel?” Bobby asked, pointing his fork to Cas, who sat across from him.

“I am,” Cas said, shifting in his seat. Up until now, Mary and Bobby had ignored everyone else at the table. Apparently they had a lot to catch up on. Dean was grateful. Sam was staring daggers at him, and Cas hardly looked at him. He didn’t know how much more he could stand.

“This boy don’t ever shut up about you,” Bobby grumbled, pointing his fork to Dean. Cas didn’t reply to that.

Dean focused on his plate. “Mom, this is really good,” he said.

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

After a few more awkward questions, they survived dinner, and Dean helped Mary clear the table. When they were alone in the kitchen, Mary smiled at Dean with something like sympathy. “Did you talk to Cas?”

“Not really,” Dean said. “I’m mentally preparing myself.” It was true. Dean didn’t know how to approach Castiel anymore.

“Good luck,” Mary said, giving Dean an affectionate shove forward. “Go get him, tiger.”

“ _Mom_ ,” Dean said. “Please don’t. I’m nervous enough as it is.”

“Quit stalling,” Mary said, watching him head back to the living room, where everyone had moved to.

Cas was sitting alone on one couch, while Sam sat with Bobby in the other. Dean stood in front of Cas. “Let’s take a ride,” Dean said, encouragingly.

“Right now?” Cas asked, looking over to Bobby and Sam. “But your family…”

“They’ll still be here.”

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

Mary caught sight of Dean as they walked out the front door, and she waved at him enthusiastically. She was rooting for him.

In the Impala, Cas automatically pulled out his cell phone and started texting, which quickly discouraged Dean. He let it slide for now and put a new tape in his stereo. The Rolling Stones always came in handy during awkward situation. Their music had been the perfect medicine for Dean after John passed away.

“Where are we going?” Cas asked, momentarily looking up from his phone.

“We’re going to a drive-in movie theatre, and we’re going to watch something stupidly romantic, and we are going to talk until we fix everything.”

“Dean,” Cas said, sounding tired. “I’d rather—”

“You’d rather what? Leave me to be with Chuck? Is that really what you want? Because if it is, you’ve gotta say something. I can’t read minds, Cas. If you want nothing to do with me anymore, then speak up.” Dean gripped the steering wheel as he got on the freeway. The sun was setting ahead on the horizon. By the time they got to the drive-in, it would be too dark. In the city, there usually weren’t many stars in the night sky.

Cas put his phone away. “I never said that,” he mumbled.

“Alright. Then if we’re going to stay a couple, we’re going to act like a couple. And we’re going to have a mushy heart to heart conversation.”

“Oh God,” Cas complained, sitting up.

“I’m serious, Cas. I want you to talk to me. Fine, if you don’t want to talk, I’ll talk.” Dean spared him a glance after he switched lanes. “I want you to know that I love you. I mean it, Cas. I love you and I need you.”

Cas sighed.

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time,” Dean continued, getting as many words out as he could. “It’s hard for me to see you treating me like crap while you spend most of your time with your _friend_. I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t know what you have going on with him _,_ but if you wanted to get my attention that way, you have it. I’m all yours, I always have been.

“Sometimes all I need is one of your smiles to get me through the day. I think of the way your whole face lights up when you smile, and it makes me feel brave. I think of the color of your eyes, the way it changes every day, so I always have an excuse to stare at them. I think of your soft hands, and how warm they feel on my skin when you touch me.” Dean tried to keep his eyes on the road, but he was dying to look at Castiel, to see if he believed him. What if he didn’t? This was the most honest Dean had been in a while.

Beside him, Castiel cleared his throat. “What else?”

Dean focused his eyes on the road ahead of him, pulling up thought after thought. “Your mind is a thing of beauty. I’ve never met someone who understands so many things. You know so many facts that no one cares about, but it’s impressive. You hold on to information like a sponge. How do you do that? I know that you speak French and Spanish, but I’m still trying to figure out most of the English language. And I’m convinced you have a photographic memory. Sometimes all it takes is one look at your notes, and you’re done. You just know everything, and when you don’t know something you make something up on the spot.”

Castiel laughed at that, and Dean smiled.

“And, fuck, Cas, you’re the very definition of nice,” Dean continued, motivated. “You gave your lunch to a friend when she forgot hers at home. You’re friends with all the janitors at school, and you keep them company between classes. You always laugh at my stupid jokes, even when I know they’re not funny. Up until recently, I would have thought you were some kind of angel.”

“What changed?” Cas asked.

Dean took the next exit, and then he shrugged. “You changed. We changed. After Christmas, you’ve been spending most of your time with other people, and less time with me. And that’s fine, you have other friends, you don’t need to spend every moment with me. But when you’re with me, I want you to _be_ with me. I want you to talk to me. Tell me about your day. All your conversations start with ‘Chuck and I,’ and I’m not sure you even like our dates anymore. I’m afraid to even kiss you because last time I did, you started crying.”

Crowley’s drive-in movie theatre had a huge neon sign at the entrance. The movie they were showing that night was a special feature of _The Notebook_ , which Dean had never seen. Dean parked the Impala and turned to Cas, who hadn’t said anything after Dean’s last long speech.

“Have you ever seen this?” Dean asked, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“No,” Cas said, doing the same. “It came out years ago, I don’t understand why they’re showing it now.”

Feeling uncomfortable, Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe because Valentine’s Day is coming up?”

Cas groaned. “Yeah, next month! Couldn’t they start their ridiculous celebrations next month? Nobody cares about Valentine’s Day.”

Dean ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Even after spilling his fucking heart out to Cas, he’d made no progress. “Why don’t I go get us some snacks? What do you want?”

Cas pulled out his cell phone and typed and sent a text, making Dean wait for his answer. “Just a Coke.”

“Be right back.” The line was long, but when Dean came back, the movie was just about to start. “I bought a huge tub of popcorn for us to share. If you don’t mind sharing.”

Seemingly annoyed, Cas took the soda from Dean’s hands and took a long sip from it. “I didn’t ask for popcorn, Dean. I just ate. I’m not hungry.”

“Popcorn isn’t made to eat when you’re hungry,” Dean mumbled, taking a handful of it into his mouth. “It’s about eating it for the hell of it.”

“That’s gluttony.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s buttery and delicious, that’s what it is.”

A few minutes into the movie, Cas reached for the tub of popcorn that sat between them on the long front seat, and Dean couldn’t help but smirk as Cas started eating it slowly. He was so focused on the screen that he didn’t seem to notice he was still eating it. Dean was careful not to bump his hand with Castiel’s, to not pull him out of his reverie.

“I thought Rachel McAdams was in this—Oh, never mind,” Cas whispered. Dean stared at him for a long time before he really focused on the movie.

Throughout the movie, Dean kept getting punched in the arm by Cas every time something important happened. When Noah and Allie kissed in the rain, Dean’s arm went totally numb. The tub was nearly empty, and that was mostly because of Cas.

“Why is this happening?” Cas shouted at one of the scenes. Frankly, Dean had missed most of the story by watching Castiel’s reaction. He was mesmerizing, and passionate about what he was watching. Every time Noah and Allie argued, Cas looked worried, and he glanced at Dean, very quickly, before turning back to the screen. Dean was already looking back, and he kept waiting for Cas to talk to him, instead of simply thinking out loud.

In the end, the bittersweet ending that not even Dean was prepared for, Castiel sunk down in his seat and covered his eyes with both of his hands. Dean tossed the empty tub of popcorn in the backseat and scooted closer to Cas, reaching for him.

“Cas? Are you okay?”

Unexpectedly, Castiel threw his arms around Dean in a tight embrace. It didn’t take long for Dean to react and wrap his arms around Cas’ waist, pulling him forward. Castiel’s face was buried at the crook of Dean’s neck, and Dean’s chin was resting on Castiel’s head. He pressed small kisses to Castiel’s temple, and after each one, Cas gripped him tighter.

“I fucking hate sad endings,” Cas said, his voice barely audible. “But I hate adorable sad endings even more.”

Dean chuckled, moving his hands on Castiel’s back, soothingly. “I liked the ending.”

“Really?” Cas asked, not moving an inch.

“Yeah,” Dean said in earnest. “It’s never about the ending, anyway. It’s about the journey.”

Cas inhaled a deep breath, Dean felt his chest move against his and he moved along with him. “Well, they had a pretty shitty journey if you ask me. How could she love someone else for that time period? How could they stay away from each other for so long?”

Dean allowed one of his hands to sink into the depths of Castiel’s hair. He forgot to mention earlier how much he loved his hair. “It’s life. And sometimes you make mistakes. A lot of times you make mistakes.” Dean pressed him closer and kissed his head.

Suddenly, Cas froze in his arms, and quickly untangled himself completely out of Dean. His face was full of confusion and that same, constant vulnerability. Dean wanted to know why he kept being afraid. Dean loved him. Cas had nothing to fear.

“I have to meet Chuck at his house tonight,” Cas said, combing his hair with his fingers. Dean’s hands had made it more of a mess. “Can you drop me off there?”

“What? No. Why do you have to go there at this time, Cas?”

“Because I do,” Cas argued, sternly. He looked at his cell phone again, too nervous and too anxious for comfort. “If you can’t drop me off, I’ll just call him to come pick me up.”

“The dude doesn’t even have a car, Cas, are you fucking serious?” Losing his patience (and possibly his mind), Dean took Cas’ cell phone out of his hands and tossed it to the backseat, where it clearly landed safely and unharmed. Castiel scowled at Dean before he tried to reach for it, and Dean stopped him. “You won’t call him. We were going to have a real date tonight. Why are you being so difficult?”

“I need to see Chuck,” Cas insisted, ignoring Dean’s question. “I need him here. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.” Cas seemed to be thinking out loud again, looking around the front seat like he was missing something.

“Cas, look at me,” Dean said. “Baby, come on, look me in the eyes, try to calm down. What’s wrong?”

Even in the darkness of the car, Castiel’s eyes were pure magic. When their eyes met, Cas was able to calm down for a moment. Carefully, Dean moved forward on the seat, and was grateful when Cas didn’t move or flinch away. Dean cupped Castiel’s face, rubbing his thumb on his cheek until his eyes fluttered shut. It was a simple trick Dean had come to know, and it made him smile knowing it still worked.

Dean gained enough courage to lean forward and press their lips together. Dean was gentle, not wanting to increase the intensity of the kiss and cause another distress from Castiel. So it came as a complete shock when Cas opened his lips and playfully moved his tongue inside Dean’s mouth, rolling it inside like he did when he pronounced his R’s in Spanish. It made Dean wild.

Gasping for air, Dean broke the kiss and continued hungrily down Castiel’s throat, nipping and sucking on the skin.

“Oh, Chuck,” Cas gasped. “Mmm.”

Dean pulled away. _“What?”_

“Chuck—Dean,” Cas said, raising his eyebrows, feigning innocence. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t sound apologetic.

Cas gave a few shallow breaths as he recovered, and he reached to the backseat for his cell phone as Dean stared idiotically ahead, feeling like scum. As much as Dean had fought against it, he had been replaced, he had been forgotten. Cas was here, but he wasn’t really here. And when he was kissing Dean, kissing him back, he wasn’t thinking of him, he was thinking of Chuck.

Chuck, Chuck, always Chuck.

That was his answer. That was the reason why Castiel was so off-putting. He was over Dean. He had moved on.

“I texted him,” Cas said, putting his phone back in his pocket. “He’s using his dad’s truck to come pick me up here. I’m going to go wait for him by the entrance, don’t worry.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Dean said, feeling hollow. “It could be dangerous. Wait here.”

“Are you sure?” Cas asked, a false mortified tone in his voice. “After what just happened, you want me to wait here? With you?”

Against his better judgment, Dean faced Cas again, frowning. “Yes, I do. Because despite everything, I still love you.”

Castiel looked honestly surprised. That wasn’t the response he’d been expecting. There was a long uncomfortable silence between them. The only sound filling the confined space of the Impala was of their uneven breathing.

“Chuck should be here soon,” Cas said.

“Okay.”

“Should I call you tomorrow?”

Dean shrugged. “I doubt you’ll remember me.”

The ringing came from Castiel’s pocket and he pulled out his phone. “Chuck is here.”

Dean nodded. At least he thought he was nodding. His head felt numb. His entire body felt numb.


	14. Chapter 14

The nametag the liquor store clerk was wearing said Garth. He was scrawny and far too smiley. Dean showed him his ID—the one with the name Johnny Ramone on it, claiming he was twenty-two. In six months he’d be twenty-three.

Garth squinted at the ID, the smile still prominent on his face. “Why does your name sound familiar?”

“Dude, I don’t know. Can you just charge me?” Dean gripped his shaky hands on the counter. He had two bottles of Absolut Vodka and his system desperately needed them. His only goal for the entire night was to forget. Forgetting was easier with the help of vodka.

“Are you having a party?” Garth asked, making conversation. Dean scowled at him until Garth took his money and put his drinks in a brown paper bag. “Don’t drink and drive, stranger.”

“Thanks,” Dean mumbled, carrying the bag in his arms like a child.

***

Halfway through finishing his first bottle, Dean was starting to feel queasy. He was drinking the vodka like water, and it felt fucking amazing as it traveled down his throat. For God knows how long, Dean had been parked outside of Chuck’s house. The lights were turned off inside the house, with the exception of one window, on a room upstairs. He knew Castiel was in there. He was probably getting fucked by Chuck as Dean continued drinking.

_So be it._

Dean gulped down more vodka, hiccupping as he dried his mouth with his sleeve. His eyelids felt heavy, but Dean needed to get through his bottles. He needed to leave his body, to float away like a bubble, like the wind.

After minutes of searching, he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket. He called Castiel, hoping he would interrupt the possible love fest going on in Chuck’s bedroom.

It came as no surprise when the call went directly to voicemail. Castiel loved forwarding Dean’s phone calls to his robotic voicemail machine. “Cas,” Dean said after the beep. “I want to forget you. Yeah, that’s right. I’m forgetting you with this alcohol, all night long, baby.” Dean frowned, emitting a quiet whimper. “You’re not my baby anymore. I don’t get to hold you anymore because you don’t belong to me. You’re not my baby anymore. You’re not. I love you.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “But you don’t give a fuck.”

Dean threw his phone on the floor of his car and took a long swig of his bottle. The liquid swung from side to side in the clear bottle as he continued the process. He glanced out the passenger window for a long time, debating just how much dignity he had left, and how much he was still willing to sacrifice.

He decided he was too drunk to even remember what dignity meant.

Swinging his door open, Dean stumbled out of the Impala. Once he got on his feet, the alcohol shot straight to his head and made him wobbly. Holding on to the top of the car, Dean stabilized himself. His legs felt like noodles. With the bottle tight in one hand, he made his way up to Chuck’s residence.

It was late. His cell phone marked a time after midnight when he’d dialed Castiel. With careful steps forward, Dean was able to make it closer to the house. The night was too dark, and the streetlight wasn’t all that helpful while he had so much alcohol in his system. _Good_ , Dean thought.

Dean ran up to a tree in the front yard and reached for it for support. His double vision tricked him into thinking he was reaching for the right tree, but instead, his hand touched nothing and Dean fell on his ass. The ground was hard, and where he’d landed there was more dirt than grass. Dean looked up. The bedroom with the light on wasn’t so far away.

After another gulp of vodka, Dean felt on the ground for a big enough pebble. He threw it hard enough to reach the second floor. The first few tries failed miserably. The pebbles didn’t even reach that high, and his aim was pathetic. Dean groaned, infuriated and frustrated, and too drunk to understand what was happening. He threw another pebble and it finally hit the window.

Nothing happened.

Dean sat still and quiet, waiting. He tried throwing more pebbles, knowing nothing could stop Castiel from being with Chuck. Much less a stupid pebble.

“I hate you, you know,” Dean told the tree. “It’s because of you I’m right here. My ass is full of dirt, and bugs probably. I can’t get up. I’m gonna puke any minute now.” He hiccupped again. Before he knew it, Dean was lying down on his back, in Chuck’s front yard, right below his window.

The window with the light on slid open, but Dean couldn’t distinguish the figures staring down at him. They were more like shadows. And he was struggling to remember what he was doing here in the first place.

He closed his eyes. It was all just a dream, and when he woke up again, he would be in his bed.

A sudden puddle formed underneath Dean’s head, and for a second he thought he was bleeding to death. Until he saw the bottle of Absolut Vodka lying flat beside his head, all of its liquid pouring out. It all got on Dean’s hair and most of his neck. He groaned, aching for his bed and a warm blanket. If only he could get up.

“Oh my God, Dean,” a voice said, but it sounded more like a hallucination. Dean shut his eyes, still hoping this was all just a dream. Or a nightmare.

“What are you doing here, Dean?” the voice called again. Dean shook his head, wanting to wake up from this terrible nightmare. His hair was all sticky now.

“He’s such a loser,” another voice said. “This is the guy you’re crying over?”

“Shut up. Help me get him up.”

Dean wanted to speak up, to defend himself in his nightmare. But that’s the thing about nightmares, they always put you in frustrating situations. In his haze, Dean felt a set of hands lifting him up a few inches off the ground by his shoulders, and another by his feet. He opened his eyes to complete darkness, and shadows.

Someone grunted near his head. “I didn’t think he’d be this heavy.”

“He feels like an old sack of meat. And smells like one, too.”

“Shut up,” the voice near Dean’s head said.

“Fine, I won’t say anything. But you’re the reason he’s in my front yard right now.” The person laughed loudly. “I should take a picture. No one at school will believe me when I tell them how pitiful Dean Winchester looked the night he suffered for his supposed ex.”

At that, Dean was sent straight to the ground, having been released by both set of hands. “Oww,” Dean complained. His head was all wet from the vodka, and the dirt wasn’t all that comforting. Dean stretched on the ground, his head spinning and spinning.

“You’re not telling this to anyone, Chuck,” the voice said. Damn, even in his nightmares, Chuck was there. “Promise me you won’t.”

“Okay, whatever. What’s the point of revenge if you won’t go through with it?”

Dean was being lifted again, not that high off the ground, his weary eyes could tell that much.

“Let’s get him in his car,” the voice near his head said softly. “In the backseat. And find his keys. I’m driving him home.”

“So you’re babysitting him now?” the other voice argued.

“If something happens to him, that’s on me. The least I can do is make sure he gets home in one piece.”

Every time Dean opened his eyes, he saw the shadows carrying him away. Where were they taking him? To burn in Hell possibly? Dean sobbed, and the sound came out louder than he intended. What was the point of being brave anymore? He was going to Hell. Maybe this wasn’t a nightmare after all.

***

“Dean? Dean, can you hear me?”

Dean woke with a start, conscious that his aching head was resting on something that was not as comfortable as a pillow. But it was close.

It was still too dark, and Dean had no idea where he was, except that it smelled of leather and sweat. Another thing he recognized were a set of hands on his head, fingers buried in his hair, smoothening it back. His eyelids were still heavy, but he was conscious enough to recognize this was his cruel reality as opposed to a dream.

“How are you feeling?”

Dean followed the sound of the familiar voice. He looked up, and found Castiel leaning his head over him with nothing but concern. His eyes were soft, unlike the last time Dean saw them. And then everything came back to him. The vodka, the pebbles, the fall on his ass, the vodka in his hair, and being carried away by shadowy demons.

“I..” Dean cleared his throat before he spoke again. “I feel like crap.”

Castiel nodded, despite the seriousness of Dean’s answer. His hands continued stroking Dean’s head. They felt soft, like cotton. Dean realized his head was resting on Cas’ lap, and he didn’t want to move a lot, in case Cas wasn’t aware of this himself.

“Where are we?” Dean asked, locking his eyes with Castiel. He was afraid that if he looked away, Cas would disappear.

Cas hummed and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, letting them linger there. “In the backseat of your car. We’re parked outside your house. You’ve been out for a couple of hours. I drove you here and decided to wait until you came to, so I wouldn’t have to carry you. I mean, I would carry you if I could, but apparently I have no upper body strength whatsoever.”

“Well I knew that,” Dean said, blinking. In spite of everything, he smiled.

Cas chuckled, which was more than he had expected in return. “I should start working out.”

“Nah, you’re perfect the way that you are.” Dean swallowed, and he winced from the pain. His throat was completely dry.

“Dean,” Cas said, his voice fell quiet. “Why did you do this? Why did you think it was okay to get drunk and find me at Chuck’s? What were you going to do before you passed out?”

The multitude of questions made Dean’s head spin, having the same effect of the alcohol. “I was hurting,” Dean muttered. “It was strange, different. My body didn’t hurt, but _I_ was hurting. I kept thinking of the drive-in, and it hurt even more. Last time I experienced that type of pain was when my dad passed away. I didn’t like it. I wanted it to go away.”

“Dean,” Cas sighed, his hands still working on Dean’s hair.

“My mind just kept going back to our kiss, and I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out. I was trying to forget you, but the more I drank, the more I thought of you. So then I wanted to see you. I wanted you to tell me to my face that…that you stopped caring. That you want me…out of your life.” Suddenly, Dean’s vision became blurry. Tears swelled up in his eyes, and when he blinked, they came pouring out. Before Dean could help it, he was sobbing again. He turned and hid his face in Castiel’s stomach to cover the sounds.

The hands in his hair did not stop moving, but now they were moving to comfort him. “Dean,” Cas whispered. “Dean, Dean.”

Dean gripped his hands on Castiel’s shirt, underneath his jacket. He wept like he hadn’t in a long time. He had nothing left to lose. Dean let go of his pride and he cried in front of Castiel, cried because him.

“C’mere,” Cas said, lifting Dean’s head and kissing his wet cheeks. “Don’t cry, Dean.” Cas was trying to pacify Dean, but it made him feel even worse. He shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be crying, smearing his tears all over Cas.

But Dean’s brain wasn’t being rational at the moment, so he continued crying and sobbing and shaking from the unbearable pain in no particular part of his body. His chest felt tight, and his guts were all churned up in his stomach, but that wasn’t where the pain was coming from. If only he could name it, if only he could make it stop.

“Dean, please don’t do this,” Cas whispered, holding Dean’s head carefully, kissing and wiping his tears away. Dean didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally calmed down, when the tears stopped escaping his eyes. Releasing his grip on Cas’ shirt, his hands fell on Cas’ lap, where it was wet from all his uncontrollable crying. “Better?” Cas asked. When Cas leaned forward again, he blew cold air to Dean’s head and face. Dean felt hot and sweaty all over, and Castiel’s breath was soothing.

Dean ran a hand over his face, which was burning hot. “Better,” he whispered, glancing up at Castiel’s face. There were creases all over his forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ll be okay,” Cas promised him, pushing Dean’s sweaty hair back. “You’re Dean Winchester. You’ll be okay,” he repeated.

“Cas…” Dean didn’t want to finish his sentence. He needed a full night’s sleep to recover, to get a full grip on reality.

Taking a deep breath, Dean managed to sit down on the seat. His head kept spinning like it had earlier, and he thought he only had a few minutes left before he puked out the entire bottle of vodka.

Cas was looking at him when Dean turned to face him. He was frowning, his eyes full of bewilderment and sadness. “Let’s get you home,” Cas said, shoving Dean on his side until Dean opened his door. Once he was out of his Impala, Cas scooted out of the same door, and placed one arm around Dean’s waist, holding him up steady.

Slowly, Dean walked up to his front door, guided more by Castiel than by his own vision. The night was clearing up, which meant it was almost dawn, but the sun was nowhere to be found.

The two of them stood on the front porch. Making sure Dean could stand on his own, Cas let him go, and Dean searched in all his pockets for his keys.

“I have them,” Cas said, pulling them out of his jacket. Dean grabbed them and unlocked the front door. “Can you get safely upstairs?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, looking at his feet to make sure he would not trip. “Thanks.”

Dean walked inside his home, and turned back to Cas, who stood motionless outside. “Shit. Look, take my car. You shouldn’t walk right now.” Dean offered him his keys, but Cas shook his head.

“I’ve walked before, Dean.” Cas started walking away when Dean tossed him his keys. They landed right in Castiel’s hands. “Are you sure?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Be safe.” He waited until Castiel got behind the wheel of his Impala to close the door. His house was cold, and it made Dean shiver. He sighed before he started for the flight of stairs up to his bedroom.

***

They didn’t talk for a week. The morning after the incident, Cas had returned his Impala while Dean was asleep. He’d left the keys with Mary, and the car in the driveway. At school, they barely saw each other outside of Algebra, and Dean knew better than to interrupt any conversation between Cas and Chuck.

Dean didn’t call him. Cas didn’t call him. They both pretended they didn’t know each other. Better yet, they pretended they had known each other, and then stopped.

_So it goes._

When they talked again, it was over text message. Cas had texted him first, and Dean could hardly believe his eyes.

Cas>>> _are you ok?_

Dean>>> _yea. U?_

Cas>>> _I’m ok._

Dean>>> _better?_

Cas>>> _better._

Sometimes Dean pretended he was someone else. Working at Bobby’s Junkyard usually did the trick. He fixed cars, he ran some errands, he got the job done and he did it well. Dean in real life wouldn’t be able to do it correctly. But Dean the Mechanic could do anything he put his mind to.

The days passed, and nothing truly changed. Things didn’t get better, but they also didn’t get worse. They just happened, and sometimes they didn’t happen. For once, Dean was just trying to focus on his classes, making sure he would pass all of them and graduate along with his class.

One February afternoon, Bobby forced Dean to take a break. Bobby put a cold Sprite in Dean’s hand, and they sat on a bench outside his office. The day was just the perfect weather. Dean closed his eyes every time the wind moved his hair, and he filled up his lungs with oxygen. The soda was refreshing, and Dean had been working so hard that he could feel every muscle unhinging as he sat and relaxed.

“Everything all right back at home?” Bobby asked.

“Good, yeah,” Dean said, smiling at his uncle. “How are things with you, Bobby? We never talk about you.”

Bobby shrugged. “Nothing new to talk about. My life’s easygoing. The most drama I ever get is from watching _Storage Wars_.”

Dean laughed, taking another sip of his drink. “Must be nice.”

Bobby grunted in agreement. In the time he’d been working here, Dean had mastered his ability at detecting Bobby’s emotions based on his grunts. It just came to show how much time Dean had spent hiding from everyone at work.

“Really, though, everything good with your brother?” Bobby asked.

“Why? Do you know something?” Dean asked, setting his canned soda on the bench between his thighs.

Bobby grunted, but this one was uncomfortable. Bobby didn’t want to say whatever he knew.

“Have you talked to him?” Dean wondered.

“Not much,” Bobby said. He shifted on the bench. Another sign of discomfort. He knew something. He had to. “But I’ve been talking to your mom. She’s worried about him.”

_Mom. No, no I was supposed to keep it from her._ Dean chewed on his lip. “What does she know?”

Bobby faced him, arching an eyebrow. “Is there something she _should_ know?”

“Not what I meant,” Dean said quickly.

“She’s looking into it,” Bobby said. “She doesn’t want to worry you.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Too late for that. I’ve been suspecting him, too.”

“Well, whatever’s going on, Mary needs you. I don’t like the sound of any of this, but I think you should be home, wait things out with her. Maybe you can figure this out like a family.”

Dean nodded. “I get it. You don’t want me around. I know when I’m not wanted.”

“Idjit,” Bobby grunted. “Don’t you try reading between the lines when I talk to you. There’s never a hidden meaning when I talk. I’m telling you to keep your mom some company, get the family back together. If I didn’t want you around, I would have fired you by now. You’re one of my best mechanics.”

“Seriously?”

“ _Yes_ , princess. What did I tell you about reading between the lines? Get back to work before I smack you upside the head.”

Dean laughed, taking his drink in his hand and heading back to work.

***

“Can I come over?” Castiel’s voice sounded agitated over the phone. Dean sat up on his bed. “I want us to talk. And I have your movie.”

“Sure,” Dean said, before Cas took back his offer. “What movie?”

“ _Saw_. I borrowed it on Christmas. You probably don’t remember.”

Dean shook his head. “Okay, yeah. Do you need a ride? I can pick you up right now.”

“I can walk,” Cas said. “I’ll be there soon.”

They hung up. Dean put some pants on and ran down the stairs.

Fortunately, Mary was out at a book club meeting with her gossiping friends, and Sam was out with his pickup truck friends. He had the entire house to himself.

When a knock came at the door, Dean rushed off to open it. Cas had nothing but Dean’s old movie in his hands, and a sorrowful smile.

“Hey, come on in, Cas.” Dean waited for Cas to walk inside to close the door behind him. He was trying not to get excited, but he couldn’t help the smile forming on his face. He was idiotically giddy.

Cas entered the living room and sunk down on one couch. He patted the space beside him and Dean sat down, not wasting any time.

“Hi,” Cas said. He switched from a smile to a frown, and it made Dean anxious. “I want us to talk.”

“Yeah?”

Shifting forward, Cas nodded. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. First of all, thank you for giving me my space. I hope I gave you enough space as well. I know I sent you a few texts from time to time, but I was just making sure you were doing okay. You’re still doing okay, right?”

Dean bobbed his head up and down. “I am. How are you?”

“Not too good,” Cas said, looking down at the movie in his hands. “Because I realize that we’ve both hurt each other a lot. And I want this to end today. You want that too, don’t you?”

Dean stared warily at Cas. “Yes,” he said slowly, not sure what he was agreeing to. “Cas, what exactly are you getting at?”

“Why don’t we watch your movie?” Cas suggested, holding up the gory looking case.

Dean snorted, taking it from Castiel’s hands. “I thought we were going to talk. I’ve seen this movie, like, ten times already.”

“Please,” Cas said. “Put the movie on, and come watch it with me. When it’s over, we’ll talk.”

After setting up the TV and digging up the remote from the hidden corners of the couch, Dean inserted the movie into the DVD player and sat next to Cas, holding the remote in his hands. He didn’t know if he was prepared for a bloody film, especially having Cas so near and unable to fix anything, yet.

Dean turned to Cas, and Cas was already staring at the blue screen on the TV, waiting for Dean to press PLAY. So Dean did.

The movie started. _“Bye, Mom. Bye, Sam_. _”_ Dean heard his voice, and saw his hand as it waved at his family. The scene cut to Dean inside his Impala, and the open road ahead. Then Dean was knocking on Cas’ door. _“Ready to go?” “My aunt’s napping right now. She doesn’t know I’m going out, so I hope this won’t take too long.”_

Dean was rendered speechless. He was mortified, and terrified of looking at Cas. He didn’t want to look at the screen on the TV either. He wanted to be anywhere but here, in this room, sitting next to this person.

Unable to watch the “movie” any longer, Dean pressed STOP. “Cas,” Dean whispered, standing up. He took out the DVD and held it in his hand. “You knew.”

Cas was watching him curiously. He hadn’t moved from the couch. “The ending’s the best part. You should have waited.”

“Cas, I can explain,” Dean said, stepping forward. He threw the DVD on the floor, and didn’t wait to watch where it landed. “What you saw—”

“Did you film everything?” Cas asked, interrupting him.

“Yes, but—”

“Did you do it to win a bet?”

“Yes—”

“Did you keep the money?”

Dean hung his head, sitting on the couch beside Cas. “Yes,” he whispered.

“Then what do you have left to explain, Dean?”

“I love you,” Dean said, though it made no difference now. Cas hated him. Of course he hated him. Who wouldn’t hate him in his place?

“You have a funny way of showing it.” Cas laughed, humorlessly. “I waited for you to come clean. I waited for weeks, for you to tell me about the stupid bet, to give me some kind of explanation. I knew I would never have it, and I’m tired of this situation. I thought I wanted to crush you. I wanted revenge.” Dean lifted his head to look at Cas again. “But I couldn’t go through with it. The night you got drunk, you scared me. I was an ass for doing that to you. I should have known that you couldn’t stand the thought of someone cheating on you. I didn’t think you’d take it that hard.”

Dean blinked. “So, Chuck…”

“He’s my friend, Dean. He was in on everything. I wanted you to pay for what you did to me, and I decided to make your life a living hell. Nothing ever happened between me and Chuck. He’s dating some girl who lives outside of town.”

“How could you do that to me, Cas?” Dean demanded, feeling more furious than upset. “I trusted you. I told you I loved you. How could you treat me like—?”

“Like you treated me?” Cas said. “I trusted and loved you, too. And you didn’t care. You used me for money. And then you made me keep our relationship secret in front of the entire school because you couldn’t bear the thought of everyone knowing you were with me. I’m so fucking sorry I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry you had to hide me because you felt so ashamed.”

Dean stood up, again, and ran his hands through his hair. “I wasn’t ashamed, and you _are_ good enough, dammit! Cas, I didn’t know what I was doing. Benny said—no, it doesn’t matter what he said. I thought it was better that way.”

“Come on, Dean, be honest with me for one second,” Cas snapped, rising from the couch. He walked closer to Dean, staring him down. “For once, have the decency of telling me the truth. Why have we kept our relationship secret all of this time?”

Staring into the intensity of Castiel’s eyes was too much for Dean to handle, so he closed his own eyes. He shook his head and let his arms hang loose on his sides. “I did it for me,” Dean said, opening his eyes. “I didn’t want people at school to know about us.”

“Why not?” Cas pressed, stepping closer. “Tell me.”

Dean swallowed. The room was closing in on him. The tension was almost tangible. “Because I thought it would ruin my reputation.”

Cas smiled. It was sad, but he smiled. Dean was thankful when he moved away, allowing him to breathe again. “ _Thank you_ , Dean Winchester. Now we all know the truth.” Cas headed for the door and Dean followed him. _“Merci beaucoup!”_

“Don’t go,” Dean begged. “You can’t go like that.”

Cas reached for the silver doorknob. “What else do you want from me, Dean? I gave you everything, but nothing was ever enough for you. This is over. I don’t want you anymore.”

“Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.” He walked out the door and left, not bothering to close the door behind him.


	15. Chapter 15

There was shouting coming from downstairs. It was loud, enraged, back and forth shouting from the only other people who lived in the house. Dean bolted upright on his bed, distracted from his reading. Something _had_ to go wrong the day Dean decided to read _Lord of the Flies_ for his English class. He still had twenty pages to read, and an analytical essay to write on it, but Dean set the book down.

As he made his way downstairs, the shouting had gotten worse. There was crying in the mix. When Dean landed on the bottom stair, he realized it was Mary. She was crying. _Why is Mom crying? Sam! Fuck_.

There was no one in the kitchen when Dean walked through it. He ran to the living room, where he found Sam sitting on the couch, the veins on his red neck sticking out with mad fury. Mary’s arms were folded in front of her chest, almost like she was trying to hold herself together. Dean ran up to her immediately, taking her in his arms. She cried into his chest, while Dean turned accusingly to his brother.

“What the hell is going here?” Dean demanded. His voice was harsher than he’d intended, but Mary was sobbing uncontrollably, and Sam was the only who suspect in the room.

“You know what? I don’t have time for this.” Sam rose from the couch and hung a green duffel bag on his shoulder. “Ruby’s on her way. I’m moving in with her.”

“The hell you are,” Dean snapped, releasing Mary gently. He touched a hand to her cheek, softly, before he turned back to Sam. “Are you insane?”

Sam shrugged. His eyes were red again. Dean didn’t know what Ruby had done to him, but this had every single thing to do with her. “Maybe I am. Thing is, I don’t care. I’m doing this, and no one can stop me.”

“You’re sixteen!” Dean yelled, taking a step closer. He had to look up to stare down his younger brother. “How can you say this? Sam, this isn’t you. Can’t you see how she’s changed you? Look at what you’re doing, what you’ve done. Is this really what you want?”

Sam laughed, but there sound was mirthless. “I found someone I love, Dean. Maybe you can’t understand that because you’re not capable of genuinely loving a person.” Sniffling, Sam wiped his nose with the sleeve of his flannel. “I may be a shit son, but you’ll never find me using people for money. Three hundred bucks, Dean? Really? That’s all your sweet little boyfriend was worth?”

Dean stilled. He couldn’t believe Sam was spilling this all out in front of their mom. Not now when she was suffering enough for one disappointing son. “Listen to me, Sam. I’m not letting you walk out that door. You’re not doing this to mom—to me. We’re your family, man. That girl—” Dean pointed at the front door. “She’s poison.”

Suddenly, Dean was violently shoved back, causing him to nearly lose his balance. Sam was glaring at him, his fists raised. “Fuck you, Dean! I have to go. Ruby’s waiting for me.”

Dean held back his anger and stepped forward again. “Oh yeah? And where are the two of you going to live? What will you live off of? You’re still in school. Have you thought any of this through?”

“That’s not any of your fucking business,” Sam retorted.

“Enough!” Mary snapped, stepping between them. She faced Sam. “You’re not a child anymore, but you’re going to endure the misery and live under my roof for two more years whether you like it or not.”

Sam was shaking, utterly furious. He lowered his fists and turned his glare from Mary to Dean. As Dean watched his brother with caution, Sam bided his time. He took his first chance and bolted for the front door, with Dean and Mary chasing after him. When Sam was feet away from the exit, Dean caught him by the shoulder and spun him around. The next second Dean was on the ground. He did not expect the painful punch to his face.

The front door opened, blowing in a cool breeze. It was dusk outside. Dean watched as his younger brother—his baby brother, the one he’d cared for his entire life—walked out the door, leaving his family behind.

Mary closed the door and bent to her knees, helping Dean to sit up on the linoleum floor. Blood came oozing out his nose, and Dean could taste the copper in his mouth. “Dear God! Oh, sweetheart, is your nose broken? We should go to the hospital. I will drive you there now. Let me get an ice pack from the freezer. Wait right here.”

“Mom,” Dean croaked. “No hospitals. My nose is fine. Just get me a tissue, please.”

Mary ran a hand through Dean’s hair, observing him intently. “Alright, don’t move an inch.” She was back with an ice pack and a roll of paper towels before Dean could really take in what had transpired in a matter of minutes. At least Mary had stopped crying. “How are you feeling?” Smiling faintly, Mary raised four fingers in the air. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Four,” Dean answered quickly. “I feel fine. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Mary nodded, frowning. “Dean, I need to know what’s happening to your brother. You seem to know more than me. Should I be calling the police? Is this Ruby he mentioned someone I should be concerned about?”

“She’s definitely not a good influence,” Dean said, struggling to get up from the floor. Mary held his elbows and hauled him to his feet. “But as soon as I take some Advil, I’m going to go look for him. He’s not staying with her. I know where she lives. I will bring him back.”

“Dean,” Mary said, chokingly. Her lower lip was quivering, and her eyes were filled with tears again. “I want your brother here, but not at the risk of losing you. God knows what else he’s willing to do to you. I’m going to find him.”

Dean shook his head, which was seriously throbbing now. _Thanks, Sammy_. “You don’t want to go to Ruby’s neighborhood. All men there are on the lookout for defenseless women to mug, or worse.”

“I am _not_ a defenseless woman,” Mary argued, wiping her tears. “Besides, that is all the more reason for me not allowing you to go there. Give me the address.”

“How about a compromise?”

Mary steadied her breathing, staring at Dean. After a few moments, she sighed. “What compromise?”

“Let’s call Uncle Bobby.”

***

It took Bobby far less to arrive at their front door than Dean had expected. He was wearing his sweaty old cap.

“What do you mean Sam ran away from home?” Bobby said, pacing around the kitchen. Dean and Mary had found comfort sitting at the dinner table, drinking coffee. There was nothing else to do, and they needed to calm their nerves.

“Not to sound like a smartass, but it can’t get any clearer than that,” Dean said, sipping on his black coffee.

With a soft smile and weary eyes, Mary looked at Bobby. “We really can’t explain his sudden outburst. I still can’t believe Sam would go as far as attacking Dean. When I looked into his eyes, I didn’t see my son. I saw…I don’t know, it was almost like he was possessed. I know it sounds silly, but that was not my son.”

“Mom, Sam is on drugs,” Dean said, looking at his cup of coffee. “I don’t know how long it’s been going on exactly, but the first time I saw him doing it was on Christmas.”

“What?” Mary’s voice was nothing but a whisper.

“Drugs? What kinda drugs?” Hesitantly, Bobby pulled out a chair and sat down, gazing at Dean for answers Dean did not want to give. But he realized it was time to speak up.

“Pot. Sam’s smoking marijuana. He’s done it right outside the house, during lunch at school. I know Ruby—his stupid girlfriend—and she’s known for selling it in school. I’m not sure what kind of system they have going on, but I’d rather not take a guess.”

“Dean,” Mary said, louder this time. She stood from her chair. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? If this is all true, then Sam could go to jail. Worse than that, he could be murdered any second now. And we’re just sitting here wasting time.”

“Now calm down, Mary,” Bobby said, getting out of his chair only to sit her back down in hers. “Let’s hang on to our sanity while we still have it. We don’t have to get all these funny ideas in our minds just yet.”

“Bobby, I just discovered that my sixteen year old son is not only doing drugs right under my nose, but he is also dating, and now living, with an actual drug dealer. Don’t ask me to calm down.” She hugged her chest tightly, holding herself together again. Mary’s eyes darted back to Dean. “You should have told me all of this! You’ve known for two months and you chose to keep it from me? Dean, how could you do that?”

Dean swallowed. His palms were sweaty, and he rubbed them against his jeans. “I was going to take care of it. You weren’t supposed to find out.”

Suddenly, the room was filled with hysterical laughter. Mary paced around the kitchen. It looked like she was debating whether to cry or to continue laughing. She opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, but her hands shook as she tried to open it. Bobby got up from his chair to help her with it. Once he removed the cap from the bottle, she took a long drink. Most of the water spilled down the side, and Mary did not seem to mind. When she set the bottle down on the counter, it was completely empty.

“Dean.” The sharp voice came from Bobby, who was standing awkwardly beside Mary. “Can you tell me exactly how to get to this Ruby person’s house?”

“It’s not a house. It’s an apartment building. I’ve been there once before, and trust me, I never felt the need to step there again.”

“Answer my question, boy,” Bobby said sternly. He left Mary there, on the counter, staring at nothing and everything. “I’ll go see if I can talk some sense into him. Don’t know how much I’ll accomplish if he’s high as a kite, but it won’t hurt to try.”

Dean went to the living room and got the notepad and pen they kept next to their landline. The old thing hardly ever rang, but Mary used it mostly for customer service calls from her scarf customers. He jotted down the address he remembered, and a quick set of directions for his uncle to follow. Bobby grunted at him when Dean peeled off the paper and gave it to him.

“Be careful, Bobby,” Dean called, but his uncle simply turned and walked out the door, just like Sam.

Just like Cas.

***

The clock in the microwave marked 10:43. Dean didn’t know how long he and Mary had been sitting at their kitchen table, but after a quick dinner consisting of ham and cheese sandwiches, neither of them had moved.

It was unbearably uncomfortable for Dean, especially because Mary refused to look him in the eye, or even speak to him. At least she’d agreed to eat the sandwich he’d made her. Still, if Dean had the option of not being here, being ignored by the last person he had on his side (until today), then he would be miles away. Not in his bedroom. It would feel wrong being in his room while Mary was sitting alone at the table, almost never blinking.

But Dean didn’t have any other option. His place was by his mother’s side. As a family. He had to believe they were still a family.

“Mom?” Dean asked, trying once more to get her to talk to him. If it wasn’t so quiet, maybe the tension would die down.

No response.

“Mom, I know you’re mad at me,” Dean said, not giving up. “I disappointed you. Sam disappointed you. But I need you back. I don’t know what will happen if every single person in my life turns their backs on me.” He could feel the crack in his voice. It was not what he was hoping for. He was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to be the head of the family. Right? That was his role, ever since John was gone. Dean had to step up. And because of him, everything had gone to hell.

“I need you to tell me the truth, Dean,” Mary said, locking eyes with him. He saw nothing but grimness in them. “What did Sam mean when he mentioned the money? Why did he say you were using people for money?”

His heart was pounding so hard and so fast that Dean felt it in his ears, thrumming out of control. Could he really tell her? Could he come clean to his mom about _this_ truth?

Dean bowed his head, deeply ashamed. “It wasn’t supposed to get so out of hand. I didn’t think it would end up like this.”

“What happened?” Mary asked through clenched teeth, almost like she was afraid to ask.

It was easier to talk when he focused on his empty mug on the table. He grabbed the mug in his hands and pressed his hands against it. “I agreed to a bet a few months ago. My friends wanted me to ask someone out on a date, just so they could laugh at him afterwards. Then they made me wear a video camera on my clothes, so that they could see everything that was happening. I only had to go on three dates, and they were going to give me three hundred and fifty dollars.

“And I won.”

“Castiel,” Mary whispered, almost inaudibly. She covered her mouth with her hand.

Dean hated the look on her face when he turned to her. She wasn’t angry anymore, she was destroyed. “I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. I mean, of course I knew, but I didn’t know I would end up caught in my own trap. I didn’t know I would…Mom, I didn’t know how much I would love him.”

Mary shook her head. “All this time. And he didn’t know anything? Goodness gracious. Dean, that is absolutely ruthless. It’s vicious. You played with that boy’s feelings. When he finds out…” she trailed off, glancing at Dean. “He _did_ find out. How?”

“One of my friends took his time to make a movie from the footage I filmed of our dates. Cas found it in my room. He left. He doesn’t want me anymore. I tried to tell him what I feel, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“What else did you expect, Dean? After what you did to him, how can he believe anything you say?”

“But he should give me a chance,” Dean argued. “What about second chances?”

“Sweetheart,” Mary said. Her eyes and voice were softer than before. “You can’t just ask for second chances. You have to earn them.”

Dean grimaced. He knew Cas would give him no chance for a second chance. He was through with Dean, completely. “It doesn’t matter. I lost him. I lost everyone.”

After a beat of silence, Mary was out of her chair. She stood behind his chair and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her chin on his shoulder. “I’m still here. I love you. And I’m still here.”

***

It was past midnight when Bobby returned—without Sam. He looked tired and disheveled. Although desperate for information, Dean and Mary stepped back and allowed him to walk completely inside before they bombarded him with questions.

“Let me take a breather,” Bobby said, heading into the living room. He flopped down on one couch, while Dean and Mary stood in front of it, waiting impatiently. “All right, I get it. You want me to talk.”

“Did you find Sam?” Mary asked.

Bobby nodded. “I found him. I found his savage girlfriend, too. I’m not too happy about that.”

“What happened?” Dean asked this time. He was biting on his fingernails. He’d gotten rid of that nasty habit years ago.

Bobby grunted, shifting on the couch. “Well, after I yelled at him, and he yelled at me, and his girl jumped on my back trying to fight me, I managed to control the situation. Looks like they’ll both be living together in that dump for the foreseeable future. Sam won’t see any sense in pretty much anything right now. I did a quick search and didn’t find any needles or powdery white stuff, which was a huge relief. Now, Sam swore to me that he would stay in school. I told him that if I found out he missed one day, I’d myself call the police and turn them both in for possession of marijuana.”

Slowly, Mary went to sit beside Bobby on the couch. “How did this happen? Where did I go so wrong? He was a good kid.”

“Believe me when I say none of this is your fault,” Bobby said, placing a hand to Mary’s back. He wasn’t good with the heartfelt moments, but he was trying. “High school is a rough time. Sometimes you get sucked up by your own demons.”

“What can I do, Bobby?” Mary asked, hopelessly.

Bobby sighed. “Give the boy some time. Sooner than you think, he’ll come crawling back home. He won’t last long there. Sam’s a smart guy, and he’ll come to his senses. Meanwhile, I’ll keep a close eye on him. I’ll check up on him from time to time, and I’ll bring you a full report.”

Frowning, Mary stared at her feet. “I should go see him, too.”

“If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you. But I won’t let you go alone.”

Mary nodded, turning to Bobby. She smiled at him. “Thank you, Bobby.”

***

Lawrence High School was like a ghost town at this time. It was earlier than Dean had ever woken up. And yet here he was, roaming the empty hallways.

Dean walked into Band Hall, and opened a set of large brown doors to a large room. He wasn’t surprised to find one person standing behind a wooden podium. Jo Harvelle had a Styrofoam cup in her hands, and she was mumbling something from her notes.

“Have a seat,” Jo said without looking up. “We’ll get started in a few minutes.”

The six long rows of chairs were all empty, and Dean sat on the first chair in the front row. “Yes, ma’am,” Dean said.

Jo looked up immediately. “No friggin way! _Dean?_ ”

Dean grinned. “In the flesh.”

Speechless, Jo raised her hands. “Shit, I almost spilled my hot chocolate.” She set down the cup on the podium before approaching Dean. “Seriously, what the hell are you doing here? Am I still dreaming?”

“That depends,” Dean said, standing up. “Is it a good dream?”

Unexpectedly, Jo jumped in Dean’s arms and squeezed him tight. “I’m so glad you’re here!” She released him and smiled. “I can’t wait to show you everything we’ve been planning. I’m going to catch you up right now so you can lead the meeting.”

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. “Hey, wait a second. I’m not here to take over. This is your meeting, Jo. I’m here as your humble assistant.”

Jo blinked, bewildered. “But Dean, _you_ are the class president. You’re the one everyone keeps expecting to see at every meeting. I’m just here as your temporary replacement.”

“No, no, no. I’m sure you’re better at this than I could ever be,” Dean said. “I just want to help you. What are we discussing today?”

Jo jumped excitedly in her place. “We are going to talk about our senior prom. Decorations and music and all that jazz. I’m so excited you’re here, Dean. So excited.”

“You should stop drinking hot chocolate in the mornings,” Dean said, laughing.

“Never!” Jo said, shoving Dean playfully.

Someone cleared their throat behind them. When Dean turned towards the sound, he found the last person he was expecting to see at this time of the day.

Dean gaped at him. “Cas?”

Evidently, Castiel had returned to his old self. He had shaved. He wore blue jeans and a white polo. “Why are you here?” Cas wondered, his eyes darting from Dean to Jo. He looked at Jo like she had betrayed him somehow. “Did you ask him to come?”

“Nope,” Jo said, smiling. “He showed up all by himself. Miracles do happen.”

“I can’t work with him,” Cas said.

Dean folded his arms. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.”

Jo punched Dean’s arm. “If you’re going to be here, you’re going to be nice.”

Dean gasped. “Hey! I was being the nicest.”

Cas dropped his backpack on the floor and took a seat in the front, on the other side of the room.

“I know it can get awkward between the two of you since you used to date,” Jo said. “But I think we can all be adults about this. I mean, Dean and I used to date, and we’ve managed.”

Dean stared at Cas, who had pulled out a binder from his backpack. “I don’t mind being in the same room as you,” Dean told him.

“Good for you,” Cas said, opening his binder and flipping through the pages. “Unfortunately, I do. And I am forced to be here, as the appointed senior class vice president.”

Surprised, Dean raised his eyebrows. “You’re the class VP? I’m the class president and I’m finding this out now?”

Cas looked up from his binder, glaring at Dean. “That’s because you’ve never showed up to one meeting.” He turned to Jo, with that hurt look in his eyes that Dean had seen too often. “I can’t believe you’re letting him take over.”

“Relax,” Jo said. “Dean is not taking over. Can we stop with the passive aggressive conversation? If we’re going to work together, we’re going to do it right. Take your seat, Dean. We’ll wait until everyone else gets here before we get started.”

“Okay, sure.” With a wicked smile, Dean picked up his stuff from his chair and walked all the way over to where Cas was sitting. Dean took the chair right beside him. “Hi,” Dean said.

Cas didn’t look up from his binder. “I don’t like small talk.”

“You used to,” Dean mumbled.

More people arrived and took their seats, dispersed around the room. When there were about twelve people in the room (including them), Jo decided to start. Dean was in awe of Jo throughout the meeting. She spoke with authority, and she had amazing ideas. She knew how to get people excited about these end-of-the-school-year events. She thought people showed up for him, but they were clearly there for her.

After the meeting, everyone left except for Jo, Cas, and a guy who had sat behind Cas and kept whispering things to him throughout the meeting. Dean had gathered that his name was Alfie.

Dean stopped by the podium on his way out to talk to Jo. “Tell me, do I _have_ to attend this prom thing?”

“Why? Don’t tell me you don’t have a date. There’s nothing wrong with going by yourself, you know. I am, and I really don’t mind.”

Frowning, Dean leaned his elbows on the podium. “What happened to that guy you were talking to? The one with the dreamy eyes?”

Jo rolled her eyes. “That was last year, Dean. But I’ll give you credit for remembering his dreamy eyes.”

Dean laughed. “Well, I just thought you should know I’m really proud of the work you’ve done in my place. I think I might actually start showing up for these meetings.”

“Music to my ears, Dean.” Jo packed her notes into her messenger bag. “And to answer your question, no, you don’t have to go to the prom. As a matter of fact, Dean, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Despite her words, her tone was friendly.

Dean sighed. “You know, you’ve just talked me into it. Screw it. I’ll take you to prom.”

“What?” Jo asked. “You’re serious?”

Dean nodded. “Right now, with the whole Sam thing, I just need to have something to look forward to. I think it’ll be fun. I’ll get dressed up and buy you flowers. We’ll go through the whole experience.”

Confused, Jo tilted her head. “What Sam thing? What happened to Sam?”

“He left home,” Dean said, simple as that. He stood straight and took a step back, bumping into someone. It was Cas and his friend. “Sorry.”

Cas stared at Dean for a long moment, and then he nodded.

“What do you mean he left home?” Without warning, Jo gripped Dean’s arm and pulled him closer and out of the way. “Where did Sam go? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Dean said, glancing at Cas with confusion. He was still standing there, even thought his friend kept urging him to leave. Finally, Dean turned back to Jo. “Sam moved out last weekend. He just took off. Punched me first, that little jerk. He’s living with his girlfriend, Ruby.”

Jo widened her eyes. “No. Are you kidding me? Please tell me you’re joking, Dean.”

Dean shrugged, trying to make it seem more casual than it was. Because it was pretty far from it. Dean was worried sick about his brother. “Shit happens. What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know about you, but I am going to smack Sam the next time I see him,” Jo said. “How could he do that? How did he even get with Ruby? That girl is up to no good.”

Dean looked up when he noticed Cas and his friend—Alfie—heading out the doors. He shook his head, attempting to clear his thoughts.

“I know,” Dean said. “I don’t know what to do to get him to move back home. We’ve tried everything. My mom and I went to see him, and he barely talked to us before he closed the door on our faces.”

Jo sighed heavily. “Well, he’s going to have to listen to me when I find him.”

“Good luck.” Dean grinned.

“Hey, were you serious about prom? Are we going together?”

“Yes, we are,” Dean said. “Unless you’re backing out?”

“No.” Jo shook her head. “I’m just wondering why you’re being so nice all of a sudden. And what did you do to Cas? No offense, but he seems to hate you.”

Dean grimaced. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. I guess we have a lot to catch up on, Jo. But for now, we should both get to class. I have to work on my essay.”

Jo giggled. “You’re working on an essay? YOU? Since when?”

Dean stepped to the doors. “Since I decided to take control of my life.”


	16. Chapter 16

On his way to Algebra class, Dean found Sam and Cas talking to each other near the water fountain. They seemed to be having a civilized conversation, which was presently unusual with Sam.

Dean wanted to know what the hell they could be talking about, but neither of them liked him very much at the moment, so Dean just stood there watching them. Sam was smiling, and then Cas was smiling. What was happening?

Before he was caught staring, Dean went into the classroom. Most of the seats were full. Benny moved his chin to signal Dean over, but Dean shook his head and walked to the empty table at the back of the room. Chuck was usually here before Cas, so that meant he would be a no-show today. Dean wasn’t going to waste his chance.

Benny twisted himself on his chair, shrugging to Dean. Dean shrugged back, and Benny faced the chalkboard in front of him. They were good at silent communication.

He was staring at his feet as he walked to the table, and when he looked up, Cas looked flushed. Was it due to Dean or Sam?

Dean smiled, wide and confident, hiding his real emotional turmoil. “How you doing?” Dean pulled his best Joey Tribbiani to lighten the mood.

Cas let out a long breath as he sat on the chair beside Dean. He worked on pulling out his things from his backpack. “Why is it that every time I look up, you’re always there? It’s like I’m carrying a Dean magnet.”

Dean laughed. “You do have sort of a gravitational pull when I’m around you.”

“He _had_ to be sick today,” Cas mumbled, and Dean realized he wasn’t talking to him anymore. He was talking about Chuck.

“So, hey, Cas,” Dean said, scooting his chair closer. It was hard, being this close and still having no chance to touch a single hair on Castiel. “I saw you talking to Sam earlier. Can I ask why?”

Cas moved away, the same way he had the first time Dean had ever tried to get his attention. “You already asked. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to talk to him. I don’t see why it should bother you.”

Dean set his elbows on the table, placing his chin on his palms. “It doesn’t bother me at all. I just want to know what’s going on with my brother nowadays. Seemed like the two of you were getting along.” Dean turned to Cas, whose eyes had drifted down to Dean’s lips. When he realized he’d been caught staring, Cas looked away.

“Well, he wanted to let me know about the DVD,” Cas said, almost like it was nothing. Dean understood he was referring to _the_ DVD. The fucking movie that ruined everything. “He wanted me to know that he’d had no part in it, and that I would be stupid to ever forgive you.”

“That’s great,” Dean said. “Sage advice.”

Cas nodded. “I thought so, too.”

Dean clenched his jaw, letting his hands fall to the table. “Is that all you talked about?”

Cas raised his eyebrows, a hint of amusement in his expression. “You want more?”

“From you? I’ll take everything you’ll give me.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas turned to his notebook. “I was worried, alright?” Cas blurted out after a moment of silence. Dean looked up again, focusing on the deep blue in Castiel’s all-too-familiar eyes. “I overheard what you told Jo the other day.”

“Oh.”

“I decided that just because one Winchester turned out to be a complete asshole, it didn’t mean I should give up on the other.”

Despite the insult, Dean smiled. He couldn’t agree more with Cas.

***

Attending Jo’s regular morning meetings wasn’t as big of a torture as Dean imagined it would be. After the third one, it got easier. Plus, he got to sit next to Cas, always “accidentally” bumping his arm against his, or trying to get a laugh out of him. Cas hardly ever spoke to him, and even the one time Dean achieved to make him laugh, Cas didn’t look happy about it.

One thing Dean couldn’t help but notice was the constant presence of Castiel’s new friend, Alfie. That guy kept pestering Cas for his attention, and the only consolation Dean could find was the clear annoyance Cas showed every time Alfie poked his shoulder before leaning close and whispering something in his ear.

All of this would bother Dean far more if he wasn’t actually interested in what Jo had to say during the meetings. There was a lot of planning for both graduation and prom left to make, and they only had about one month left in the school year. At the beginning of June, Dean would finally be a free man.

The more time Dean spent with Jo, the less he spent at the side of his old friends. Dean didn’t ignore Benny or Zachariah whenever he saw them around school, but he also didn’t stop to talk to them. He started having lunch with Jo whenever she had a proper lunch. Most of the time, Jo ate at a classroom while she studied. She was taking this whole graduating-on-time seriously. So was Dean, but sometimes he needed his Taco Bell fix.

Dean ate alone a lot. It didn’t bother him. He didn’t do it to appear like a sad loner. He did it because he enjoyed spending time with himself, although he wouldn’t fully admit that to anyone for fear of sounding overly pathetic.

At today’s meeting, Cas didn’t look as grumpy as usual. The grumpiness was mostly due to Dean never leaving him alone. But Dean didn’t know how to behave like a normal human being next to him.

While they waited for everyone to arrive, Dean worked on his math homework. He had a question about one of the problems, but he didn’t want to ask Cas for help. For the same reason, Dean couldn’t believe the words that came out of Castiel’s lips as he watched him struggling to figure out how to read the graph in his paper.

“Do you want to look at my notes?” Cas offered, in a voice gentler than Dean had heard from him in a long time.

Dean stopped tapping him pencil against his leg and looked up. “I…I took notes in class, I promise you I did. But I left them at home because I overslept this morning. And yesterday I worked until ten, so I didn’t have time to finish my homework. Why are you looking at me like that?”

Cas rolled his eyes. He picked up his backpack from the floor and scavenged through his belongings inside. “Dean, I asked you a simple question, not for your autobiography.” By the time Castiel held out his notebook, Dean was already lost in the other boy’s eyes. “You can give it back in class.”

Dean took the notebook from Cas’ hands, realizing it was already open to the notes Dean was in need of. “Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll keep your notebook safe.”

“Sure,” Cas said, and then he was closed off again. And Dean had to look away.

***

On his way to Taco Bell, Dean saw her. Ruby was smoking near the dumpster where Dean had followed Sam before. She was alone.

He knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn’t resist going up to her. He took a detour and entered the back alleyway. When Ruby saw him, she didn’t move. She put the cigarette back in her mouth and took a long huff.

“Where is Sam?” Dean asked, stopping a few feet from her. He knew that hitting a girl—even one like Ruby—was wrong.

Ruby pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and stepped on it with her boot. “I don’t fucking know.”

“He’ll come back, you know. He won’t last much longer in that cave you call home.”

“Keep dreaming, freckles,” Ruby said, pulling out another cigarette and lighting it up. “Sam loves being my little bitch.”

Dean clenched his hands into fists, retracting one step. “Why did you choose him, out of everyone at school? I mean, you could have picked any other guy to screw over. You didn’t have to ruin Sam’s life.”

Ruby laughed, throwing her head back. “Don’t come to me pretending you’re so pure, Dean. The only difference between me and you is that I know what kind of a terrible person I am. I can deal with it. But you still think you’re a perfect angel.”

“Sam will come back,” Dean said, ignoring her. “And then you’ll be completely alone again.”

Ruby shrugged. “People like us deserve to be alone. We’re the demons of the earth. Our only purpose is to corrupt and cause pain.”

“I am _not_ like you,” Dean hissed.

“Sure you’re not. Sure.” Ruby stomped on her cigarette again and walked away from Dean.

After that, Dean continued walking to Taco Bell. Jo was waiting outside, and her knees were bouncing up and down, anxiously.

“Hey,” Dean said, glad to find her there. “I thought you weren’t eating out today.”

“Yeah, well, I’m starving,” Jo said, frowning. “You’re buying because I’m totally broke.”

Dean chuckled, feeling instantly better after what had happened with Ruby.

Inside, Dean and Jo ordered their meals, and Dean paid while Jo found a place for them to eat. Dean brought their food over when it was ready. He sat across from her on a booth table.

“It’s so weird eating in here,” Dean said, sipping from his Dr. Pepper.

“I wasn’t going to eat on the ground like you,” Jo said, removing the wrapping from her burrito. “I’m not a barbarian.”

Dean looked at his food, realizing he wasn’t hungry anymore. “I talked to Ruby.”

“What?”

“Just now. I talked to her.”

Jo set her tray of food aside and leaned forward. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. Like I said, we talked.”

“About what?” Jo urged. “Don’t keep me in suspense, Dean! I deserve to know.”

Dean snorted. “She told me some stuff that left me thinking.”

“What stuff? Why aren’t you telling me everything?”

“Patience, Jo. I would tell you everything if you didn’t keep interrupting me.”

Jo leaned back on her seat. “Right. You talk, I listen.”

Dean told her about their conversation, and the fact that he believed her. Dean truly believed that he was just as awful as Ruby, and the thought was disturbing.

“Yeah, right,” Jo said, shaking her head. “What she did and what she’s still doing doesn’t compare to what you did to Cas.” Dean flinched at the mention of Cas. They were hanging out one day after school when Dean told her the truth. He was sure Jo would never speak to him again, especially because she was completely on Castiel’s side. But everything went back to normal after Jo smacked him (hard), and told him “You’re you. You’re not your mistakes.”

“Maybe not completely,” Dean allowed. “But I still used a person who didn’t deserve it. I used Cas the same way Ruby is using Sam—for money.”

“I’m not sure I buy into your whole ‘Sam is selling drugs’ theory.”

“It’s the only reason I can think of for her pushing Sam to move in with her.”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense. If Ruby wanted to distribute rather than to sell, then she wouldn’t live with one of her salespersons. It would be too risky.” Jo took a bite of her food and swallowed it down with her drink. “Here’s a thought: maybe Ruby actually cares about Sam. In a very unconventional way, but still, she’s not a robot.”

Dean groaned. “Can we just change the subject? I’ve had a bad day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jo asked slowly. It was just like her to want Dean to talk about his feelings.

“Not at all.”

Jo nodded, finishing up her burrito. “So, have you gotten your tux for prom yet?”

“Yes, I went last weekend. My mom was ecstatic about it. I don’t want to know how she’ll be on the actual night. By the way, I’m renting us a limo.”

“I can’t wait!” Jo beamed, rolling up her napkin in her hands. “I have my dress. I’d show you a picture, but I want you to be surprised.”

Dean smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

After picking up both of their trash, Jo got up to throw it away, and when she returned, she held up her index finger. “One more thing,” she said. “Have you thought about your graduation speech?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean asked, nearly choking on his drink.

“Dude, you don’t know? The senior class president always gives a speech at graduation. You have to write it in advance and try to memorize it. I thought you knew this.”

“Does it look to you like I knew this?” Dean asked, astounded. “I can’t write speeches, are you crazy?”

“Well, you’re going to write this one,” Jo said. “I might have taken over for you in all of your presidential duties, but that doesn’t mean the principal is on board with it. They will be expecting _you_ to give the speech. What, are you going to make me write it, too?”

Dean ran his hands through his hair. His head was throbbing. “Jo, what am I going to do?”

“You’re going to get started on that speech. How hard can it be? You just have to be honest, and try sugarcoating some things. Give advice. I don’t know.”

“But everyone’s going to be watching me,” Dean moaned. “There will be thousands of eyes on me. They’ll be listening to every word I have to say. I’m going to have to speak into a microphone.”

“Relax, Dean.” Jo sighed. “Fine. I will help you write it. We’ll work on it tomorrow, alright?”

Dean nodded. Writing a speech didn’t seem as frightening with the help of Jo.

***

The following day, Dean’s every nightmare came to life. Although Dean understood that he’d completely lost Castiel, and that he would never get another chance with him, Dean never came to terms with the thought of Cas being with someone else.

Dean’s heart dropped to his stomach when he found Cas and Alfie walking to school together. If it had been just that, Dean would have been okay, but the two of them were holding hands. As Dean’s vision focused from afar, he noticed that their fingers were laced together.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not now, not ever. Cas was supposed to be annoyed by this guy. Why was Cas letting him touch him like that?

Not wanting to be seen by the cozy couple, Dean flew inside the campus and went into the men’s bathroom. Dean stood over the sink, staring at his blurry reflection. Lawrence High was so broke that they couldn’t afford actual mirrors. Instead they had metallic rectangles that offered a distorted reflection. Dean washed his hands and splashed some water on his face. He felt dizzy, and the dizziness made him feel sick.

Trying to stay on his feet, Dean leaned against the bathroom wall. The bathroom reeked of urine, and Dean realized it was making him feel sicker being in here, but he didn’t want to risk going outside and finding _them_ again.

How could Cas do this to him? How could he move on so quickly? How long had it been since the broke up? Two months? It certainly wasn’t enough time for Dean to let go of Cas. In his daze, Dean wanted to believe that what he had with Castiel wouldn’t end at this place.

Statistics showed that most high school relationships didn’t last. So what? That didn’t mean Dean and Cas couldn’t make it after high school. But Cas didn’t care anymore. He had someone to hold hands with. Just like water, Cas had slipped through Dean’s fingers.

***

When Chuck was in class, Dean couldn’t sit with Cas. It was a silent rule. Today, Dean broke the rule. He had to talk to him. Chuck wasn’t there yet, so Dean easily took his seat. Dean felt jittery, still. What he’d seen in the morning had haunted him all day long. He’d been patiently waiting for Algebra so he could talk to Cas.

And what would he say? What right did Dean have to demand explanations? Dean was nothing to Cas anymore. They weren’t even friends.

Chuck walked in to class, and he didn’t even bother heading to his table, he just sat with Benny. Dean wanted to personally thank Chuck for not making things more difficult, but his mind was preoccupied.

As soon as Cas took his place beside Dean, ignoring him, Dean turned himself and his chair to his direction.

 _I saw you_ , Dean wanted to say. _I saw you this morning with someone else. And guess what? It fucking hurt. And I want to let you go, but I can’t. Why can’t you let me prove how much I still love you? Why do you have to be with someone else?_

Instead, Dean went with a simple, “Hello.”

Cas didn’t bother looking up. He raised a hand in Dean’s direction and mumbled a quick greeting. Throughout this time, Dean had been grateful to receive cold words from Cas rather than no words at all. Now, Dean wanted more.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, trying to keep his tone normal. He didn’t miss the crack in his voice, and he figured Cas didn’t either, because he finally looked at him.

“Not much,” Cas said, shrugging.

Dean tried again. “Anything new?”

“No. You’re sweating.”

Breaking news: Dean sweated whenever he cried, or was at the verge of crying. Dean didn’t think Cas knew this information, so he dismissed it, and tried to focus on not tearing up in front of him. Not again.

“It’s hot in here,” Dean said. “Anyway, I was just wondering about something.” Shifting in discomfort, Dean broke their eye contact. “When I got to school, I think I saw you and you weren’t alone. I guess I’m just curious.” _And terribly, terribly jealous._

“Oh,” Cas said, as if he finally understood Dean’s visible misery. “Yeah, Alfie walked me to school. You’ve seen him around, haven’t you?”

“With you, mostly,” Dean said, feeling his chest tightening.

“Yeah, so what about him?”

“Is he your…I mean, are you with him now?”

Cas looked surprised at Dean’s interest. Did he seriously have no idea how much this was affecting Dean? “He asked me to prom. I said yes. He’s being nice. I don’t even know why I’m explaining myself to you.”

Dean felt slightly relieved. “Okay, so that’s it? You’re not thinking about eloping with him, are you?” Dean meant it as a joke, but it didn’t come out like one. It certainly wasn’t something Dean wanted to joke about.

“No, Dean, God.” Cas actually sounded offended about the insinuation. “If I didn’t go with you on that road trip that night, I don’t think I would elope with someone, especially Alfie.”

Dean smiled at the “especially Alfie” part. Maybe not everything was lost.

***

That afternoon, Jo invited Dean to her place so they could work on his speech. Her parents were still at work, so they sat in the living room, around the coffee table, and worked. Dean had been gathering ideas all day. He was taking this task seriously.

“I’m feeling inspired,” Dean told her.

“That’s good! Work on that while I go to the bathroom.” Jo got up and disappeared into a dark hallway.

Dean wrote more words in one sitting than he had in his entire life. He ignored the spelling and grammar errors he knew were there. There would be time to fix them later. When Jo returned, he wouldn’t let her read what he’d written. Dean kept writing. By the time he was finished, he had filled up six pages, front and back.

“Holy crap,” Jo said.

“My wrist is mutilated,” Dean said, shaking off the soreness from his hand. “Take a look.” He slid the papers towards her, and Jo read them.

Dean’s head was resting on the couch when Jo pulled on his sleeve. She had tears in her eyes. It was shocking, since Jo never cried in front of anyone. She had a rule about that.

“Shit, is it that bad?” Dean asked, worried. He had poured every single idea on these pages. It would be hard trying to come up with someone better. Also, his wrist was still mutilated.

“Dean,” Jo said softly. “Will you really give this speech at graduation?”

“Yeah, I was hoping to.” Dean reached for the pages in Jo’s hand, but she pulled them away from him. “You don’t think it’s good? I can come over again tomorrow and see if we can do something better.”

“You’re such an idiot, Dean,” Jo said, glancing at the pages, reading them once more. “This is perfect. I don’t think you’re allowed to swear that much, but we still have time to edit it.”

Dean blinked. “Wait, so you like my speech?”

“I like it more than you. That should tell you something.”

“Thanks.” Dean grinned. “That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.”


	17. Chapter 17

Sometimes life gave you pleasant surprises. Dean, being the pessimistic person he tended to be, never expected to be randomly given a pleasant surprise of this size.

Mary was upstairs when Dean opened the door. Dean considered calling for her, but he didn’t want to give her a heart attack when she ran downstairs and found the missing son.

“Sammy,” Dean breathed. It had been too long since he’d said that name to his brother. Even when they saw each other at school, Sam would walk away from Dean, not letting him get a word out.

Sam was taller, somehow. His hair was longer, greasier, and it was all over his face. “Hi, Dean.”

Dean noticed the same duffle bag he’d taken with him on his shoulder. It could only mean one thing, right? “Come on in,” Dean said, motioning to Sam. He wasn’t sure what his brother would do, but Sam took one hesitant step forward, and then he walked right in.

Quickly, Dean shut the door, hoping it would be enough to keep his brother in. Sam didn’t seem like he was about to run back out any time soon. He had a deep frown in his face, and he seemed unsteady. Dean wanted to grab him a chair, but he was afraid to make any sudden movements.

“Where’s mom?” Sam asked.

Dean glanced at Sam’s duffle bag again. “She’s in her room.”

Sam nodded. “Dean, do you think I could go talk to her?”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean said. “You don’t have to ask permission. This is your home.”

Sam tried to smile. “It was my home, and I didn’t know how much I would miss it.” Halfway to the stairs, Sam stopped walking and turned around. He leaned against the counter in the kitchen. “I am so, so sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have hit you. I shouldn’t have left.”

Dean approached Sam, carefully. He was also afraid Sam was going to change his mind if Dean said the wrong thing. “No hard feelings, Sammy. I’m just glad you’re here.” _For how long?_

“As soon as I decided to leave, Ruby found a new boy toy to play with,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I was replaced in a matter of hours, Dean. I was that unimportant.”

“Sammy…”

Sam snorted, and lowered his head in defeat. “It doesn’t matter. I’m back because I know I was stupid for leaving. I hurt you and Mom, and I can’t live with myself anymore. I had to come back. Cas.” Sam smiled. “Cas talked to me, you know. We talked a few times. He told me that his uncle, the one who was married to the aunt he lives with, died from an OD. I never took anything other than weed, but I could have.”

Dean swallowed. Cas never told him that. Cas never talked about his family.

“Cas also told me that the night his parents got killed, he had yelled at them. They wouldn’t let him take art classes because they wanted him to be an accountant. Cas basically told them both to go fuck themselves, and his mom slapped him, and Cas went into his room.” There was a crack in Sam’s voice. “Cas never got to see his parents again. All this time, he has been dealing with the guilt. He said that he’s come to terms with what happened, and that by staying in school and going to college, he has been able to deal with it all.”

“Jesus,” Dean said. “Why didn’t he ever tell me that? That must have been awful.”

“Maybe because this isn’t something you shout to the world. I just thought you should know the reason I’m back. If Mom allows it, I’m staying. I miss her. In my mind, I couldn’t erase the look on her face that night I left.” Sam stood up straight, gripping his duffle bag.

Dean nodded at Sam’s silent question. His younger brother headed upstairs, and Dean had to find his balance not to fall down.

***

Mary and Sam were worse than paparazzi. The flash on their cameras nearly blinded Dean, and the _click, click, click_ would not stop. Granted, it wasn’t every day that Dean looked like a million bucks.

Dean stood by the fireplace as Sam snapped a few more pictures from Dean’s side profile. “Dude, this isn’t my good side.”

“No side is your good side,” Sam said, laughing. His brother’s laughter was the best sound Dean had come to know.

Mary lowered her camera to smile at both of them. “I can’t believe I missed the two of you bickering like cats and dogs.”

“Okay, I think we have enough pictures of my stunning good looks,” Dean said. “There’s a limo outside waiting for me, and I’m paying it by the hour, so I should probably go.”

“Have fun, sweetheart,” Mary said, fixing Dean’s bow tie. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Make me proud on the dance floor.”

“Mom, have you _seen_ him dancing?” Sam said. “Remember at that wedding when he asked a girl to dance and he looked like he was stepping on bugs? Oh man, I wish I could have brought my camera that time.”

“Nonsense,” Mary said, waving the comment away with her hand. “But just in case, don’t improvise, just follow Jo’s lead.”

Dean smiled and nodded. “I look really good, don’t I?”

“Oh, come on!” Sam complained. “Get out. Your limo’s waiting for you, Your Highness.”

Dean punched Sam’s arm playfully. “Don’t you think about getting in my Impala while I’m gone. Mom will tell me if you do.”

“Paranoid freak,” Sam said. “Go, go, go.”

“Okay, okay.” Dean headed for the door, bid his family goodbye, and got into his black, stretched limousine.

The limo driver pulled up outside of Jo’s house, and Jo’s mom ran out beside her. Ellen also had a camera in her hands, which made Dean feel a little better about his situation. Jo rolled her eyes when Ellen snapped pictures of the limo.

“Stand right there, Jojo,” Ellen said, guiding Jo in front of the limo.

Dean laughed at the nickname, while Ellen snapped a ton of pictures of her daughter.

“Dean, get out of the car. Where are your manners?” Ellen said. “Come stand next to my daughter so I can take a few pictures.”

“Mom, please,” Jo said. “Dean doesn’t want to take pictures with me.”

Dean opened the door of the limo and stepped out. “Who says I don’t?” He placed an arm around Jo’s waist and posed for the camera. “You look very pretty,” Dean mumbled. Jo was wearing a red silky dress and deep red lipstick.

“Thank you,” Jo mumbled back, as Ellen took another round of pictures.

After the photo shoot, Dean and Jo got in the limo, and Ellen waved them goodbye as they took off.

***

The prom was being held inside a luxurious hotel. Dean had been a part of the process that made all of this to happen, but still, seeing it with his own eyes was completely awesome.

At first, A Night in Paris sounded like the cheesiest theme. Now, Dean couldn’t imagine anything better. There was a large cardboard cutout of the Eiffel tower at the entrance. There was a soft glow in the ballroom, filled with large round tables covered in fancy white cloths and china.

“Any chance there’ll be pie?” Dean asked, searching around the room. He didn’t think he was looking for someone in specific, until he found Castiel sitting at a table with a lot of people.

Jo glanced at his direction. “Do you want me to talk to him for you?” Jo asked, tugging at Dean’s arm. “He happens to like me better than you right now.”

“No, I think I’ll stick with the original plan,” Dean said.

“Oh, right,” she said, understanding. “If it doesn’t work, I think I’ll be the most surprised.”

Dean wanted to think it would work.

***

“Do you want to dance?” Jo asked. She was tapping her feet on the ground, swinging in her chair to the music.

Dean widened his eyes. He knew this was coming. “I’m not the greatest dancer, Jo.”

Jo chuckled, holding Dean’s hand. “I’ll teach you.”

On the dance floor, Dean was being jiggled and lead like a kid. Jo had a lot of energy. She made Dean feel like an old man. Dean would have felt uncomfortable had he not seen a lot of other people dancing worse than him.

“Are you having fun?” Jo asked, raising his arm and turning in a full circle underneath it.

“Yeah!” Dean had to raise his voice to be heard over the music. “But I have to take a leak. Mind if I go?”

Jo shook her head. “I’m going to get a drink. Meet you back at our table.”

Dean nodded and left for the bathroom. He didn’t notice he was sweating or that he was out of breath until he got away from all the noise. Dean took care of business and washed his hands.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean jumped, startled. On the mirror, Dean could see Castiel’s reflection. He was standing behind him. Dean turned around, not realizing how close they would be when he did that. Dean thought he looked good earlier, but compared to Cas, he looked like a clown.

“Cas.”

Cas was wearing a black suit with a loose and crooked blue tie. Dean stared at his neck, fighting the need to fix the tie back in its place.

“I heard Sam went back home,” Cas said.

“Yeah, he did. Thank you for talking some sense into him. I was meaning to talk to you about that. He told me what you told him, and I—”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Cas said, glancing at the wall behind Dean. “I’m glad Mary has her son back.”

“We should have come here together,” Dean blurted out. “If things hadn’t turned out the way they did, we could have been so happy.”

“Dean,” Cas said, locking eyes with him. “I wish you would just let it go. None of this is easy on me either.” His voice was nothing more than a whisper now. “Do you think I like our situation? Do you really think I don’t care?”

Dean swallowed. “I think you made a decision a long time ago to never trust me again. I get that. But I can prove to you that I’m not the guy who agreed to that bet anymore.”

Cas was silent for a moment. He fidgeted with his tie, until Dean couldn’t resist and reached for his neck. Cas stilled when Dean grabbed his blue tie and tightened it around Castiel’s neck. Dean fixed his shirt collar, too, even though that one was fine.

“Better?” Dean asked, arching an eyebrow.

Cas looked wobbly for a second, and then he nodded and left.

***

Dean’s cap and gown were white. Dean constantly avoided wearing white because he was a messy eater, and the color white shone a spotlight on his every stain. Fortunately, Dean had been so nervous that entire morning that he didn’t feel like eating, and not eating meant no risk for stains.

Their graduation ceremony was being held at an auditorium, and it was filled with thousands of people. Dean tried not to fold the paper with the speech in his hands. He had it memorized, but he still needed it for reference.

Jo found Dean as they waited backstage. She had a water bottle in her hands, and she offered it to him. “You’re going to be talking a lot today. More than usual, I mean.”

Dean took the water, but didn’t open it. “What if people hate my speech? What if I forget how to talk? What if I get in trouble?”

Jo placed a firm hand to Dean’s chest. “Dean, remember that guy I used to date freshman year? The one who got up in front of the entire class and did his best impression of the Carlton dance? You were fearless!”

Dean laughed, so much that it hurt his stomach. “I forgot about that.”

“So, stop second guessing yourself. When it’s your turn to go up there, remember that fearless son of a bitch with no fucks to give. Do what you have to do and say what you have to say. If someone tries to get you in trouble, I’ll be right there. I have your back, Dean. Always.”

Dean hugged her. “I’m doing this for you.”

“Do it for you, too,” Jo said, pulling away. “You need this more than I do.”

“Fuck. What the hell am I going to do after today?”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“No more high school,” Dean said, like he was just realizing that fact. “Today is the end of twelve years of school. It’s the end of a lot of things. It’s just the end.”

“So find a new beginning.”

***

The principal gave a speech before Dean could go up there. When his name was called out, Dean prayed that his knees wouldn’t give out on the way to the podium. Public speaking had never been Dean’s forte.

There were many chairs on the stage, occupied by his classmates. Dean saw Benny, and Zachariah, but he didn’t see Ruby amongst the crowd. He saw Chuck, Jo, and Cas, and they were all watching him intently. They wanted to hear what he had to say.

As Dean greeted the principal and stood behind the clear plastic podium, he felt the weight of thousands of eyes on him. They were relatives, parents, guardians, siblings, friends, of everyone who sat behind him. Dean was the in-between, the only connection from his class to the audience. He had a lot of pressure on his shoulders, and a risky speech to give.

He couldn’t find Mary, Sam or Bobby in the audience, but he knew they were there. Sam had texted him earlier, telling him how proud he was of Dean, and that he had eaten the last pop-tart, and that the auditorium was really cold.

The first word that came out of Dean’s mouth was shrill, and he cleared his throat, starting over.

“After four years at Lawrence High School, I’ve gone through countless relationships, friendships, and self-explorations,” Dean started. His deep voice echoed, thanks to the mike. “You see, high school is more than just four years of dreadful classes, stacks of homework, and periodic testing. As much as we all hate to admit it, this place is significant. It’s a big part of our youth, and what happens here often marks a lot of what we do in the future.

“A common problem about ourselves, not just as teenagers, but as human beings, is that we make irrevocable mistakes. We do stupid things without really thinking about why we’re doing them. We forget who we are, and who truly matters in our lives. Sometimes we push our family and friends away, and we ultimately give them one of two options. The first one being to stick around and wait until we come to our senses. The second one, to give up on us. Those of us, who are fortunate enough to have people that opt for the first option, are some of the luckiest sons of bitches on earth.

“Back to my point. High school is significant whether we like it or not. During the time we spend here, we learn a variety of complex things. We learn how to be outgoing or reclusive. Sometimes both. Often, we learn our sexual orientation. Some of us learn to love, and to deal with the heartache that comes from not being loved in return. We learn the true meaning of pain, and the feeling of joy. Some of us master the art of lying, and the relief of saying the truth.

“Personally, I’ve found a lot of comfort in the truth lately. After building an entire world of lies, I watched as it all crumbled to the ground. And I learned that nothing positive ever comes from lying, and that the truth will always find a way out. It sounds like a cliché, because it is one, but it doesn’t make it any less true. In particular, there is one lie that I would like to come clean about in front of all of you.

“Last year, I did something unimaginably wrong. I gambled someone’s love for me for a few bucks. It was heartless and cruel, and it is to date, the single greatest mistake I’ve ever made. I can stand here and tell everyone how much I hate myself for what I did. I can tell all of you how sorry I am about what I did to this person. But that’s not what I’m here to say.

“Today, I want everyone to know that I was once in an extraordinary relationship with Castiel Novak. Maybe the name isn’t familiar, but if any of you have had the privilege of meeting him, then I’m sure you can understand why I’m doing this.

“For a long time, I kept out relationship a secret. It wasn’t because, as you might have noted, he is a male, and I’m a male. If that’s too much for you to handle, I’m not about to make your life any easier. No, I kept our relationship hidden because high school has a set of social statuses, if you haven’t yet noticed. Let’s just say, I was at the top of the pyramid, and being seen with a boy like him—as beautiful as he is—was social suicide. Yes, we are still living in that shameful time period.

“Perhaps years from now, he will find it in his heart to forgive me. Again, I’m not here sharing our personal information with all of you so that I can be forgiven. I am satisfied with knowing that I’ve managed to do what I never could do before.

“The fact that I am here today, as Senior Class President, is yet another lie. The only thing that makes me class president is the title I was assigned after a long run for the win against a dear friend of mine, Johanna Harvelle. Unfortunately, because the class voted democratically, and it was more of a popularity contest, I stole her deserved position. All this time, Jo stepped up when I couldn’t, when I didn’t want to. She took care of absolutely everything I should have been doing. I don’t deserve to be giving this speech. Jo is the rightful president.

“But since I’m already up here, I might as well finish this the right way. After all of my confessions, I do still have a piece of advice to give. In my eighteen years of life, I’ve noticed something important. We tend to fear the future, the unknown. After today, we will be officially transferred from our high school nest to real life, whatever that means. It’s a frightening thought for many of us. I just think we should all realize the one _truth_ in life. Nothing is permanent. Everything in this world has room for change and improvement. I can guarantee that every single person in my class can and will do greater things that don’t involve flipping burgers at a fast food chain. Don’t let a minimum wage job get you down. Change does happen, and it can be as positive as you allow it to be.

“And lastly, to quote the legendary Beatles: ‘In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.’ What we take out of life, what we will take with us after today, is what we’ve put into it. We get to collect the results of our actions. And I know that our time and efforts were not in vain. We’re not leaving here empty handed. This is an ending, and endings are hard, but if we dwell on getting to our destination, we won’t enjoy the ride.

“Congratulations, Class of 2013. I believe in your future success.”

***

Before the hat toss, the principal walked up to Dean and shook his hand.

“If there was anyone who could get away with that sort of speech, it had to be you, Dean Winchester.”

Dean grinned, releasing his hand. “I had to take my chances.”

“Congratulations,” the principal said with a smile, before he went to talk to the valedictorian.

Dean found a lot of random people around him, high-fiving him. People he didn’t really know, mostly. Dean tried to get outside faster, but no one would let him walk without stopping him to congratulate him. He didn’t think they would like his speech, especially because it was more of a confession, but they all looked so excited about it. Maybe they were just glad to put their high school lives behind them.

Once outside, Dean stood, waiting for the hat toss to start. Suddenly, there was a warm hand in his hand, and Dean turned to his right side, expecting to find Jo.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said, smiling widely. His walls were finally down. Dean noticed the difference in his expression. Cas was happy, and he was holding Dean’s hand.

“Cas, I know I didn’t tell you I would single you out. You probably didn’t like being on the spotlight, but I…”

Cas squeezed his hand. He took off his cap. “Get ready,” Cas told him.

Dean removed his cap and waited for the signal. In a matter of seconds, hats were flying feet above them. Dean turned to Cas when he heard him laughing. The hats came back down, landing like raindrops.

They picked up their caps, but didn’t put them back on. Dean pulled Cas to the side, away from the crowd of people. “Can we talk?”

“I want to,” Cas said. “But my aunt is waiting for me in the car. She made reservations at some restaurant. It’s just going to be us. When we come back I can walk to your house.”

The promise in Castiel’s voice made Dean’s heart race. “I’ll be waiting for you,” Dean said.

Cas nodded, and before Dean knew it, Cas had him in his arms. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s shoulders, pulling him closer. And for that moment, things were back to normal. Dean felt the warm press of lips on his neck, and he gripped Castiel’s back.

“I missed holding you like this,” Dean whispered in his ear. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Cas said, kissing his neck again before pulling away.

***

The gathering Mary held at their house turned into a party. At first, it was just them. Mary, Sam, Bobby, and Dean, but then Jo called, and Mary asked her to come over. Jo showed up with Ellen and her brother Ash. Then Mary’s book club friends stopped by, bringing chicken casseroles and pies. Then Dean’s coworkers showed up because apparently Bobby had invited them. And they all had gift certificates and cash to give him, so it wasn’t half bad.

Soon enough, the house was packed and filled with music and lighthearted conversations. Dean guarded the front door with his life, clutching a can of soda in his hands.

Jo found him there, hovering by the entrance. “Are you expecting someone?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Cas is coming.”

“Castiel? How’d you manage that?” Jo asked, stepping forward.

Dean chuckled nervously. “I really don’t know. He told me he would come. We’re going to talk.”

“I bet it was your speech,” Jo said. “All you had to do was be honest. You were more honest than I was expecting.”

“Let’s not make any bets,” Dean said. “I don’t like them.”

Jo laughed. “Yeah, I get it. No more bets. But hey, do you want my advice?” Dean nodded, taking a sip from his drink. “Don’t pressure him. I know you want him back, but keep in mind all he’s been through. Just, try to be patient.”

“I’ve been waiting for months for this day, Jo. How am I supposed to be more patient?”

“I’m just asking you to give him more time. If you rush this, it might not work out the way you want it to.”

The knock at the door made Dean more nervous than he already was. He faced Jo, seeking more answers to his questions.

“Open the door,” Jo encourage. “I’ll make sure no one interrupts you.”

“Thank you.” Dean set his can of soda on the floor and opened the door.

Castiel was wearing gray slacks and a white long sleeve shirt. “Hey.” He walked right in. “Sorry I’m still wearing these clothes. I didn’t want to change right now.”

“That’s cool. Do you want a drink or something?”

Cas smiled. “Am I crashing your party?”

“No, not at all. It wasn’t going to be a party. It’s kind of loud, isn’t it?”

Nodding his head, Cas took Dean’s hand and lead him to the staircase. “We can go up to your room, right?”

Dean’s heart went out of control in his chest. “Yes. My room.” How was Dean going to give Cas his time when Cas himself dragged him up to his bedroom?

Cas waited for Dean to open the door and let them both in. “I like how your room looks the same from the last time I was in here.” Cas turned around, facing Dean. He took Dean’s hand and glanced at it. “You always wear the ring I gave you.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to take it off in case I lose it,” Dean said, swallowing hard. “Do you still have the drawing I made you?”

Cas grinned, letting go of Dean’s hand. “I tried taking it down so many times, but it’s still up there. It’s on my wall. I’ll show you someday.”

“Cas, about what I said—”

“Can I talk first?” Cas asked. When Dean nodded, Cas continued. “I know that what you did today took a lot of courage. I’m still processing what you everything you said in your speech, and what it means. My aunt had a lot of questions afterwards, but I was able to give her a less detailed summary of what happened between us. I don’t think she’s too happy about me being here right now.”

“Oh?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to take off. I’m already here.” Cas glanced over at Dean’s bed. He was glad he’d made it this morning. “Can we sit down?”

“Sure, yeah, go ahead.” Dean sat at the foot of his bed, and Cas sat close beside him.

“Dean, the first time you asked me out, do you remember what you told me? You wrote in a piece of paper that we should be friends.”

“Yeah, I was trying to be subtle, but that wasn’t working for you.”

Cas snickered, folding his legs in front of him, scooting back on the bed. “Well, I wish we could be friends now. All this time I was missing you like crazy. I kept seeing you and Jo and the friendship you have, and I wanted that, too. I just didn’t know how to let go on this anger and mistrust. It’s not healthy to hold grudges, especially when I know that you’re different now. Better.” Cas smiled.

“Better,” Dean repeated, narrowing his eyes. “Cas, are you…oh God, are you friend-zoning me?”

Cas made a face. “That sounds so bad. No, Dean. Look, you’re misinterpreting what I’m saying. I still care about you. You’re important to me. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

“But you don’t want to be with me,” Dean said. It wasn’t a question.

“I never said that,” Cas said, hiding his face in his hands. “Would you let me finish?” Dean sighed. “Dean, I got accepted to UCLA. I’m moving to California in August. I start college in the fall.”

“California,” Dean said. “So, what does this mean?”

Cas shrugged slowly. “It means a lot of things. After everything we’ve been through, do you want to add a long-distance relationship to the mix? Besides, I don’t even feel ready to be in any type of relationship right now. I’m still recovering from my last one.”

What was Dean supposed to say to that? If this wasn’t friend-zoning, then Dean didn’t know what was. Worst of it all was that Dean never saw it coming. He figured that when Cas forgave him, there would be nothing standing between them.

“What are you thinking?” Cas asked, tilting his head.

Dean softened his eyes. “I’m thinking we should listen to The End.”


	18. Chapter 18

Bobby’s abrupt laughter was contagious. Dean joined in, laughing until his stomach hurt. It wasn’t until he was able to calm down that he tracked the source of amusement.

An ancient, rusty red VW Camper Van pulled up at the shop, its wheels squealing in pain. Dean had to wonder who the poor owner was.

Simultaneously, Dean and Bobby got up, and they both approached the moving remains of the vehicle.

“Haven’t seen one of these bad boys for a while,” Bobby contemplated.

Dean hummed in agreement. “You think he’s looking to sell the pieces?”

“Well, the thing still starts,” Bobby pointed out.

“But who would ever want to be seen driving it?” Dean swallowed his words when the van came to a full stop, and out jumped Castiel, smiling with something like pride.

“So, what do you think?” Cas asked, jiggling a set of keys in his hand and stepping closer. “It’s mine!”

Dean gaped at him, disbelieving. “Why?”

Bobby snorted. “Why not?”

“Hello, Mr. Winchester. How are you?” Cas smiled at Bobby, and then he shook his hand.

“Still breathing,” Bobby replied, nodding in amusement.

“Hang on,” Dean said, raising a hand. “Where did you even find this thing?” Dean motioned to the vehicle. “You never mentioned you were looking for a car. I mean, did you even check the engine? The battery? What about the mileage?” Dean shook his head. He hadn’t even mentioned the wheels. How Cas managed to drive it here safely was a mystery.

Cas glanced at his van before he frowned at Dean. “I should have known you were going to be mean about my choice.”

“I wasn’t being mean,” Dean said, folding his arms.

Cas narrowed his eyes. “You raised your voice. Will you let me talk?” Dean sighed. “Dean, I bought this because I have to walk everywhere. Maybe you never think of that because _you_ have a car.”

When Dean glanced over at Bobby, his uncle had gone back into his office. It wasn’t the first time he’d left them alone to talk. Dean didn’t know how to ask his family to stop giving them “alone time” because hey, they were just friends.

“I also didn’t tell you that when I graduated my aunt gave me the inheritance my parents left me. I thought buying a car would be a good way to use some of that money. If you ask me, I got a pretty good deal.”

“That’s because it’s a piece of junk,” Dean blurted out. Cas raised his eyebrows. “Alright, fine, I won’t say anything. But I could have helped you get something better.”

Cas smiled. “Exactly. You were always on my mind. That’s why I’m here, Dean. I want to hire you to help me restore this beauty. You can do that, can’t you?”

Dean blinked. “I can try.”

“Sweet. We’ll talk prices later. Let’s take a tour.”

“Of what?” Dean asked, right before he was yanked away by his hand. Cas slid open the back door and slipped inside.

“It’s comfy, right? I mean, there’s definitely a lot of space. I’m going to clean it up. You’ll get it running like it should. You’re going to like it, I promise.”

Suddenly, Dean found himself tossed in the backseat by Castiel and his eager, touchy hands. The inside was long and tall, and the three large windows on both sides had old curtains hanging from them. If Cas wanted to, he could fit a full bed on the entirety of the van. It was empty now, but Dean could envision what it would look like after a restoration, and it wouldn’t be half bad.

“Tell me you like it,” Cas said, kneeling beside Dean.

“Why do you want my approval so badly?”

“Are you kidding?” Cas shoved Dean’s arm. “You’re the car expert. I care about your opinion. And you’re my friend.”

 _Always your friend_. Dean slowly grinned. The first few days of being _only_ Castiel’s friend had been a bit difficult. Dean was moping all around the house, and he wanted to find a distraction, but couldn’t. He even called his distant relatives in California to see if the time came, they would take him in. His mind was going crazy.

It was until Cas showed up at his house, and they went out. They spent the entire day together. It was a nice day, so they bought frozen yogurt and ate it at the park. Then they went to see a movie, and after that they sat in the Impala and sang along to the best songs. Dean couldn’t be happier. Cas was in his life again. Things were getting back to normal. And maybe Cas would leave in a couple months, but so would Dean.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked, sitting down close to Dean. Their feet were hanging out the side of the van, and they were swinging them in synch.

“I don’t know how long it’ll take to fix your car,” Dean admitted. “I’m just worried it won’t be done before we don’t see each other anymore.”

Cas bit his lip and nodded. “You don’t think it’ll be ready by August?”

Dean shifted, moving an inch, or two, away from Cas, hoping his friend wouldn’t notice. “There’s something I still haven’t told you.”

“Okay. So tell me.”

“I’m going on a road trip. What would have been _our_ road trip. I already planned a route and most of my stops. I’m going to work a few more weeks to save up as much as I can. I’m leaving on July first.”

“That’s in less than a month,” Cas muttered. “We…Dean, I told you I wanted to spend time with you before I left. Can’t you…Can’t you stay until August? I don’t know what I’ll do here for an entire month if you leave. There’s nothing here for me besides you.”

Dean frowned, looking away. Their feet were still swinging, and Dean kept bumping his boots on Castiel’s blue converse. “Cas, I’m going to college, too. Not some fancy Ivy League university. I’m going to community college. I want to be back by August, in time for my classes. I know we won’t have much time together, but we can just make the best of the time we have left.” When Dean looked at him again, Cas was nodding his head.

“You’re right. Let’s spend so much time together that we get sick of each other, so that I don’t miss you when I’m gone.”

Dean snorted. He stared at their feet, contemplating Castiel’s words. He kept saying things like this. Honest things that would have meant something before. They still meant a lot to Dean, but he knew Cas was leaving. He knew Cas was out of reach. But none of that could make Dean not want to kiss his friend, especially when he had him so near.

Cas shoved his arm against Dean’s. “So, this road trip sounds pretty fun. I’m kind of upset I don’t get to go anymore.”

“You could still come,” Dean said, knowing full well Cas would say no. They were friends, and there were still _boundaries_.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Cas said. “It might be hard for us.”

Dean laughed. How was this any easier? Why couldn’t Cas see that it would hurt either way? It would hurt both of them whether they were there, in Kansas, or on the road. But Dean didn’t point any of the obvious out to Cas. “I know. It would be hard.”

“Can we get started on the van today? Are you too busy? Bobby’s going to kill me for bursting in here like that.”

“Actually, I was about to go home when you showed up. I can park the van on the back and take a look at it. I doubt we can start working on it without the proper pieces. I need to take inventory, and check a lot of shit under the hood.”

Cas nodded. “Awesome. Like I said, I will take care of the inside. Leave that all to me. And tell me how much this is going to cost me, including your hourly wages. I’ll write you a check.”

“Are you seriously rubbing in my face that you have a checkbook? Come on, Fancypants, grab the keys.”

Cas laughed, messing up Dean’s hair. “Jerk.”

Dean caught Castiel’s wrist in his hand. “Don’t make me fight you. I think we both know which one of us would win.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cas swatted Dean’s head with his free hand, and Dean captured his second wrist as well. “Assbutt!” Cas yelped when Dean pinned him to the floor of the van. Dean fell on top of him, with his knees around Castiel’s waist.

“What did you call me?”

Cas smirked. “Assbutt.”

Dean licked his lips, and didn’t miss Castiel’s eyes following the action. “I need to teach you how to insult people properly.”

“I don’t care what you teach me,” Cas said. “I will always call you assbutt.”

Dean grinned. “Can’t fight back, can you?”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Don’t you?”

“I have a nice angle of your eyes from down here.”

Dean dropped his head on Cas’ neck. “You win.” Dean rolled off of Cas, lying on his back beside him.

“I’m really going to miss you,” Cas breathed, folding his hands behind his head.

“So am I.” That was an understatement.

“Hey, maybe we can write to each other. Like actual letters. Not emails.”

Dean chuckled. “Like you’re going to remember me when you’re in LA. I’m sure by the first week you’ll meet new friends and trade this thing for a Mustang, and meet celebrities and…” _And fall in love with someone else_.

“I won’t,” Cas said, sounding sure of himself. “I will still think of you.”

“Maybe,” Dean considered. After a while, Dean sat up. “We need to get going. I have an early shift in the morning.”

Cas got out of the van. “Alright. Oh, by the way, I’m going to need a ride back home if I’m going to leave my van here.”

“I figured as much,” Dean mumbled, jumping out of the van. “But we’re not listening to the mix tape I made you anymore.”

“Why not?” Cas asked in protest. “It’s my favorite.”

“Because it’s weird now. I made it when I thought…I don’t know. I made it when we were together. It’s personal.”

“Yeah, it’s personal for me, too, Dean. It’s mine.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine. But we’re skipping the one Air Supply song.”

Cas laughed. _“Please love me or I’ll be gone. I’ll be gone! I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you.”_

Dean walked away. “Stop singing.”

 _“Oohh, what are you thinking of? What are you thinking of?”_ Cas followed Dean close behind, singing and laughing.

“I’m thinking you need to shut up.”

_“I wish I could carry your smile in my heart, for times when my life seems so low.”_

“Shut up.”

_“I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it, too?”_

Dean walked around Bobby’s office, heading to the back. “Oh, I’m feeling it. My fist is feeling it.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Cas said. “I’m too young to die by the might of your iron fist.”

“Smart boy.” Dean smiled.

Cas squeezed Dean’s shoulder, stopping him. “Wasn’t I supposed to get the van out here?”

“Yes. I was wondering why you were following me.”

“I got caught up in the song. I’ll be right back.” Cas turned and ran back to his new purchase.

Dean watched Cas go, and wondered what life would be like without him. He had to get used to the idea.

***

Having pie after dinner was one of the best traditions the Winchesters had initiated. The three of them had transferred from the kitchen table to the living room couch. As a family, they had become obsessed with the show Face Off on SyFy.

Dean was mid-bite when his pocket started vibrating loudly. Sam glanced at him as he chewed on his desert. “What, it’s not like the show already started?” Dean pulled his phone out and instantly smiled.

“Let me guess, it’s Castiel,” Sam remarked.

“I got to take this.” Dean got up with his plate of pie and went back to the kitchen. “Are you watching? Face Off is about to start.”

“No, but I’m on my way.”

Dean cut up a large piece of his pie. “I didn’t know you were coming over today. Do you want some pie? It’s chocolate.”

“There’s no time. Get dressed.”

“I _am_ dressed, you dickhead.”

“Get dressed up.”

“Why? I don’t have anyone to dress up for.”

Cas groaned on the other end of the line. “When I get to you house in three minutes, you’d better be looking like a fucking Greek God. See you soon.”

Dean stared blankly at his phone for a moment.

“Everything okay in there, Dean?” Mary called from the couch.

“Yeah. I think I’m going out.”

“Oh. Okay. Have fun.”

Dean rushed up to his bedroom, throwing open the door and digging through the clothes in his closet. After a long search, he found a pair of black pants, a white shirt, and his leather jacket. That would have to do. When he got back downstairs, Cas was standing by the door, talking to Mary. Dean did a quick scan of what he was wearing. Cas had the exact same outfit as Dean.

“We’re matching,” Dean said.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Cas said. “We have to go. Do you have your keys?”

Mary grinned from Cas to Dean. “Well, don’t let me hold you up. Go have fun, you two.”

Cas kissed her on the cheek before he stepped out. “Bye, Mary.”

Dean shrugged at Mary. “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’ll call you if I stay out late.”

Mary nodded. “Alright. Go on. You’re running late.” She almost pushed him out the front door.

Dean opened Castiel’s door, and then he ran over to the driver’s side and sat behind the wheel. “Where the hell are you taking me?”

“Drive. I’ll explain on the way.”

Once on the freeway, Cas revealed their destination. Dean momentarily took his eyes off the road just to show Cas his shocked expression.

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I was browsing for their new album online, and I saw their tour dates. I clicked on them, hoping I could catch them in California at least. And then I saw that they were coming here. Today. I checked their seats available, but they only had four, all the way at the back. I figured you wouldn’t mind, so I bought two tickets, printed them out, and ran to your house. We’re missing the opening band right now.”

“But it was just last year we saw them for free,” Dean said, pondering. “Now they have an opening show?”

Cas chuckled. “It’s The End, Dean. They’re amazing.”

“They _are_ amazing,” Dean agreed.

Cas exhaled a long breath. “I’ve never been this stressed in my life.”

“You work well under stress.”

Cas laughed. “People are going to think we’re in some kind of weird gang because we match.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “We look so threatening, don’t we?”

“You always look threatening. You have that look that screams danger.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m serious. You just look like you’re about to cause some trouble everywhere you go.”

Dean smiled. “If I look like a troublemaker, then what do you look like?”

“Oh, I just look like the kid wannabe who dresses like you and follows you around for protection.”

Dean switched lanes. His exit was less than one mile ahead. “Or maybe we look like one of those cutesy couples who match all the time.”

Cas laughed again, checking the time on his phone. “Hey, we’re only twenty minutes late.”

“That’s because I was driving way over the speed limit. I didn’t know where we were going, but I still didn’t want to be late.”

“Oh yeah, you are quite the troublemaker,” Cas said, running his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Did you get a haircut? Your hair feels shorter. I miss pulling on it.”

Dean shivered involuntarily. “I cut it last week. And that’s inappropriate.”

“Oh.” Cas removed his hand quickly. “Oops.”

“I didn’t mean you should pull your hand away,” Dean said as he continued looking for a parking space outside the auditorium. “It’s okay to cross the boundaries from time to time.”

“But I shouldn’t,” Cas said quietly.

They had discussed boundaries before. If they were going to make their friendship work, and make it long-lasting, they were going to set some ground rules. They mostly consisted of containing their physical impulses (such as kissing, or sex, of course), and discussing their relationship prior to their friendship.

Dean faced him, grinning wolfishly. “Live a little.”

Cas reach a hesitant hand to Dean’s, and Dean captured it before Cas pulled away. Dean laced their fingers together, pretending it was the usual. Cas fell silent.

“I think I see an empty spot all the way over there,” Dean pointed with their hands.

Cas cleared his throat. “We need to hurry.”

Unwillingly, Dean released Castiel’s hand as he made his way to the parking space. Once parked, they got out and ran to the entrance. They got their tickets scanned and found their seats in the crowded auditorium. It was huge, and their seats were the farthest from the stage, but the company was excellent.

The opening band was still playing, so they hadn’t missed any new song from The End.

The wait wasn’t long before The End finally came on stage. The crowd went wild, and Dean and Cas shared a surprised expression. Dean didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was somehow proud of this band. They had played an important role in his relationship with Cas. Their songs had been a comfort to Dean during his time apart from Cas. When everyone turned against him, he turned to their music, to the memories their songs awakened.

Some of their new music was even better than their old. Pam’s voice had gotten a lot stronger, and Charlie had a longer drum solo. Adam sang a song all by himself. Dean was starting to feel like a proud mom, which was odd, considering none of the members of the band knew who he was.

When the concert was over, Dean was pumped but tired, and Cas was mostly hungry. He stopped at a Chinese restaurant that was still open and bought take-out for both of them.

Dean parked at an empty lot and they ate in the backseat because Dean refused to spill anything on the dashboard.

“If you had bought a better stereo for your car—one that played CDs—we could be listening to The End’s new album.” Cas took a mouthful of Lo Mein.

Dean watched him, unable to stop smiling. He shook his head and continued eating.

“What?” Cas asked, taking a sip of his soda. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“I shouldn’t say.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s crossing the boundaries of our friendship. We don’t want to ruin our dear friendship, now do we, Castiel?” Dean wasn’t trying to mock him, but it came out like that.

Cas made a face. “I didn’t want to know anyway.”

“Good. I won’t tell you.”

Cas continued eating, and then he put his food down and stared at Dean. “You’ve got to tell me what you were thinking. I’m losing my mind.”

“You’re so easy!” Dean threw his head back in laughter.

“Just tell me. I want to know. I don’t care what it is.”

Dean shrugged. “If you don’t care then why do you want to know?”

“Because I want to know. Dean, tell me.”

“Fine,” Dean said.

“Fine.”

“I love you.”

Cas opened his mouth, but he closed it without saying anything. Dean wasn’t expecting him to say anything either, so he wasn’t disappointed.

“Let’s talk about something else.” Dean took a bite of his orange chicken and focused on his container.

“I had fun tonight,” Cas finally said.

“Me too.”

“When I move to California, I won’t know anybody. I’ve never told you how scared I am of being there all by myself. I’ve never told anyone.”

“Cas,” Dean said, staring into Castiel’s eyes. “I would tell you anything I could to convince you not to go, but I can’t do that. You deserve to get out of this place. You shouldn’t settle for Lawrence when you’re capable of so much more. And trust me, you’ll meet new people there, and it’ll be great.”

“What if I don’t want to meet new people? What if I want the same people?”

“You’ll still have me,” Dean said. “Don’t be afraid of losing me, because I’m still here. I’ll be your friend for as long as you want me to be.”

Cas looked down. He took a deep breath. “This is so confusing.”

“No it’s not. Stop making things harder than they need to be. Eat your food, come on. It’s getting cold.”

Cas put his drink and the container back in the plastic bag and set it on the floor. He took Dean’s container and drink and did the same. “Can I ask you a favor?”

Dean was confused, but he nodded. “Anything you want.”

“Kiss me.”

Dean blinked, wondering if he was hearing the right thing. “What about the boundaries?”

“Fuck the boundaries,” Cas said, straddling Dean’s legs. His hands travelled around Dean’s neck, and his fingers pulled on Dean’s hair. “I just need one kiss. I won’t ask for more. I need this, please.”

And who was Dean to deny him anything?

Cas leaned down, and Dean reached up, and their lips met in the middle. The touch was soft and shy at first. It had been so long, it was like they were getting to know each other all over. Dean cupped Castiel’s face with one hand and placed his other hand on the small of Castiel’s back, pushing him closer so that their bodies pressed together.

The kiss turned more insistent, as Cas dove his tongue inside Dean’s mouth, doing wonders with it that drove Dean over the edge. Cas kissed desperately, like Dean was about to disappear at any moment and he was trying to take as much as he could. Dean sucked on the tip of Cas’ tongue, emitting a loud moan from Cas that ignited a fire at the pit of Dean’s stomach.

Cas groaned when Dean held his lip between his teeth, and then he felt the rhythmic motions of Castiel swaying his hips forward. “Dean,” Cas whispered in his mouth. “You make me lose control.” Dean captured his lips again, and Cas’ hips picked up their pace.

“I thought you said…” Dean gasped before Castiel kissed him again. “…one kiss.”

“Who’s counting?” Cas gave a hard yank at Dean’s hair, making Dean moan from the pain and the pleasure.

“Wait,” Dean said, pulling away. “If we do this, what does that make us? Fuck buddies?”

Cas widened his eyes, still panting. “Dean, don’t think. Just kiss me.”

“Cas,” Dean said, holding Castiel’s face before he leaned down for another kiss. “As much as I want this, and you know I do, I don’t want this for us. We’re better than that.” Dean couldn’t believe what he was saying. How long had he wanted this? And suddenly he was too good for a friendship with benefits? But Dean knew that what he had with Cas deserved more than this. Dean loved Cas, and he was willing to wait until the time was right.

“Seriously?” Cas deadpanned, loosening his hold on Dean’s hair.

“Yes,” Dean muttered. “I respect you. I love you.”

Cas sighed heavily, sitting back on his side of the seat. He threw his head back until his breathing returned to normal. “Since when did you become such a prude?”

Dean laughed. “I’m not a prude. In fact, I think I’ll finish my food outside while we cool down. If I stay in here, I might forget why I put a pause to this.”

Cas closed his eyes and sucked on his lower lip. The sight left Dean short of breath. “I forgot how well you kiss.”

Dean opened the door quickly. “Our friendship is so screwed.”

“Worth it.”


	19. Chapter 19

_“But now I have finally seen the end,_

_And I’m not expecting you to care_

_But I have finally seen the light._

_I have finally realized_

_I need to love…_

_Our love is madness.”_

_[Muse – Madness]_

* * *

 

Mary’s Hut diner smelled like coffee beans. They were sitting at a booth table, Dean sitting with Jo, across from Cas. Apparently, Dean and Cas weren’t the only people leaving their hometown. Jo was heading off to New York the following day. She’d gotten a scholarship for college, and she had to move there in the summer.

“It’s going to be so weird when I get back from my road trip,” Dean said, his eyes darting from Jo to Cas. “Neither of you will be here. I’m going to be forced to make new friends to replace you both.”

Jo laughed. “If I find you’ve replaced me I will come back just to slap you.”

“Good.” Dean smiled. “My plan is working.”

Cas smiled warmly at Dean, tilting his head to the side. “Just who will you convince to go see one of those low budget gory films you drag me to?”

“Little brothers need to make themselves useful sometimes,” Dean said.

“Oh, Sam,” Jo said. “I’m going to miss him so much.”

Dean nodded. “He’s really sorry he couldn’t be here, what with summer school going on. I don’t understand why Sam would voluntarily choose to attend school in the summer. Poor kid has no life.”

“He’s trying to get ahead,” Cas said. “Don’t be rude.”

Dean stared at Cas, seriously. “Stop calling me out on my comments.”

“Never.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “The sexual tension is strong, am I right?”

Cas huffed out a breath. “There is none.”

“Oh please. You keep checking me out every chance you get.” Dean winked. “You want this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cas dropped his eyes to scan his menu on the table.

“He wants this,” Dean told Jo with a smirk. He wasn’t one to kiss and tell, but Dean knew Cas still remembered their heated kiss in the backseat of the Impala. Dean thought about it all the time.

“Give it up, Dean.” Jo padded his arm. “Anyway, I am starving.”

“That’s news,” Cas mumbled.

“Finally the waiter’s coming,” Jo said, sounding relieved. She opened her mouth, not hiding her shock. Dean followed her vision, and he mirrored her expression.

“Benny,” Dean breathed. “What are you doing here?”

Benny was holing a small notebook and pen in his hands. He flashed a wide, toothy grin as he plopped down on the seat beside Cas. “Hey, I didn’t think I’d find you all here at the same time. What’s going on? Anything new and exciting happening?”

Cas scooted away from Benny, looking bewildered and helpless. Benny turned to him, extending his hand. Cas glanced at it like it was something from outer space.

“Come on, Cas, don’t leave me hanging,” Benny insisted. Hesitantly, Cas shook Benny’s hand, until Benny dropped his hand and offered him another smile. Dean and Jo exchanged a confused look.

“Do you work here?” Dean asked.

Benny nodded. “Yup. I figured I could use the money. I’m saving up for a car, and possibly for my own place if all goes well. What about you? I hear you’re leaving soon.”

“I’m just going on a road trip,” Dean said. “Cas and Jo are the ones who will be leaving for good.”

“Not for good,” Jo said. “I’m coming to visit every holiday.”

“Me too,” Cas said, taking his perplexed eyes off Benny. Dean knew that if Cas came for the holidays, it wouldn’t be to be with his aunt. She didn’t celebrate anything.

“It won’t be the same without you guys here,” Benny said, glancing around the table. “I feel like my family’s all moving away.”

“Family?” Cas wondered quietly. “You teased me all through high school, Benny.”

Benny laughed, giving Cas a playful shove. “We were just having fun! You didn’t think I really hated you, did you?”

“Yes, I did. You made a bet so that Dean pretended to like me, and you gave him a camera to film our dates. What kind of person does that?” Cas raised his voice, so much that a few people at the diner were staring.

Benny cleared his throat, frowning. “The camera was Ruby’s idea.”

“Come on, man. I think we all know you owe Cas an apology,” Dean said, and Jo nodded in agreement.

“You can’t be serious. I didn’t do anything.” Benny pointed at Dean with his index finger. “You did the dirty work.”

“And I have paid with tears and blood for it.”

Cas grimaced. “This isn’t about Dean. This is about you pretending we’re all friends, when you weren’t even a good friend to Dean all these years.”

“Alright, alright.” Benny raised his hands in surrender. “Castiel, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the bet, and I’m sorry for making your life a living hell at school. Do you want me to be honest? I spent all that time teasing you because, I don’t know, I kinda had a thing for you all these years. There. I said it. The truth is out there.”

“What the fuck?” Dean demanded, suddenly furious. “Is that why you chose him for the bet? Dammit, Benny. That makes it so much worse.”

Benny shrugged, nonchalant. “It’s all done and over with if you ask me. And I stopped lusting over you a long time ago,” Benny told Cas. He held up his pen. “I should get back to work before I get fired.” He got up from the table. “What can I get you to drink? Coffee? OJ?”

Jo shoved Dean off the seat with all the strength she could muster. “No, thanks. How about we have lunch at my house?”

“We’re leaving, Benny,” Dean said, reaching for Castiel’s hand.

“What did I say?” Benny wondered innocently.

“Keep walking,” Jo encouraged, heading for the door. “Don’t look back.”

“Bye,” Cas said before Dean yanked him outside.

***

Sam made it to Jo’s just as Dean and Cas were leaving. They were standing on her front porch, under the yellow light by her door. Jo was heading out early in the morning, so it was their last day for saying goodbye. Sam ran straight to Jo and took her in his arms.

“I think I’m going to miss you nagging me,” Sam mumbled, pulling away. “And punching my arm all the time.”

“I’m going to miss that, too,” Jo said, swatting Sam’s arm for emphasis. “I’m so glad we got you back, Sammy.”

“So am I.”

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “Sam, guess who we saw earlier today.”

“Who?” Sam wondered.

“Oh, God, would you drop it?” Cas complained. “Dean, he isn’t going to bother me in the month that I’ll be here without you.”

Sam looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

Jo sighed. “Benny told us he wanted to bang Cas. That’s why he did the bet and a million other horrible things.”

“Gross,” Sam said.

“That’s not what he said. I’m not defending him,” Cas said before Dean protested. “He’s a douchebag, but he apologized.”

“Well, while I’m gone, Sammy’s going to keep an eye on you,” Dean said. “Right, Sammy?”

“I’m sure Cas doesn’t need a babysitter,” Sam said.

“Thank you,” Cas told Sam. “I’ll probably just spend my time reading, or looking up apartments in California.”

Dean tightened his hold on Cas, bending down to kiss the top of his head. “California will be great, Cas. You’ll see.”

Castiel smiled, wrapping an arm around Dean’s waist. “I’m sure it will be.”

Jo leaned against Sam. “Sam, I know we’re all opposed to betting,” Jo said. “But what say I bet you five bucks that Dean and Cas don’t make it two days apart from each other.”

Sam barked a laugh. “Bet’s on.” They shook on it.

Dean rolled his eyes. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m sure I can make it forty-eight hours without Dean,” Cas allowed. “Forty-nine, I’m not so sure.”

Dean kissed his temple this time. “We’ll be fine. We’ll stay in touch.” Dean turned to Jo. “We will _all_ stay in touch.”

“Yeah, yeah, weekly phone calls, emails, all that crap,” Jo said, waving a hand. “It’s getting late, and I’ve lots of packing left, and I’m waking up at five in the morning. Come give me a big hug before I go to bed. Come on, all of you.”

Dean laughed as he and Cas walked closer and attacked Jo in a group hug. Sam wrapped his long arms around everybody.

In that instant, it hit him. This was ending. His life as he knew it was ending. Dean wouldn’t have his friends around the corner anymore. After tonight, Jo would be gone. After his road trip, Cas would be gone. And Sam would eventually move to Stanford.

Everything was changing.

Soon, all he’d have left would be his memories.

***

After long days at work, the 1970 shiny red VW Camper Van was ready for the road. It was perfect timing. Dean would leave in two days, and Cas was dying for them to break in the brand new leather seats.

Dean stood with Bobby as they watched Cas get behind the steering wheel, turning the key in the ignition until the van roared to life. The sound was exciting.

Bobby groaned with contentment. “You boys did a fine work with that van. You make a good team.”

“I know,” Dean said, unable to keep his eyes from the ecstatic look on Castiel’s face. “Bobby, are you sure you can keep the business running without me? I am your best mechanic, after all.”

“Hope so,” Bobby said. “If not, I’ll figure it out. You need a vacation more than anyone else around here.”

Cas pulled his head out the rolled-down window. “Get in. Let’s take a drive.”

“Now?” Dean called.

“Yes, Dean, time is precious.”

Dean turned to his uncle. “Do you need me to come back?”

Bobby furrowed his eyebrows. “No, idjit. Go on, take the rest of the day. It’s getting dark anyway.”

Wasting no more time, Dean made his way to the passenger seat, careful not to ruin Castiel’s work on the inside. The van looked absolutely marvelous. The dashboard was cream colored and shiny. Dean glanced to the back, where Cas had only placed a cushiony leather mattress.

“You’re going to need extra seats for the back,” Dean told him.

“Not for tonight,” Cas said, smiling as he got on the road. “Not for us.”

***

They were parked on a field, somewhere out of town. When Dean looked out the windshield, all he saw was grass for miles, and reddish-orange glows from the setting sun. Cas had brought them all the way here just so they could watch the sunset together.

Cas opened his door, and Dean did the same. He went around the van to find Cas, who was sliding open the back door. Cas sat inside, letting his feet hang off to the side. Dean sat next to him, and they continued watching the sun slowly disappear from view.

“I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always be there for you, Cas.” Dean reached blindly for Castiel’s hand, and when he found it, he stacked it on top of his, rather than picking it up. He kept his eyes on the beautiful hues marked on the sky by the sun. “And when you find someone new, I want you to be happy. Don’t hold back just because you know how I feel about you. I don’t want my memory to keep you from living your life the way you should.”

“Dean,” Cas muttered.

“Promise me you’ll be happy. I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care what it means. I want you to find your happiness, and I want you to take it and never let it go.” Dean turned to Cas, stroking his cheek with his other hand. Castiel’s eyes fluttered shut at the touch.

“I promise,” Cas said.

Dean took his hands away and looked away. He knew what the implications meant. But nothing really mattered anymore. Their time was almost over. At the end of the day, they would still have their friendship.

Warm hands enveloped him, and Dean slowly fell to his back, landing on the comfortable mattress. Cas fell on top of him, his hands holding Dean’s face with tenderness. Their legs were still hanging off the van, and Dean placed his hands on Castiel’s back.

Cas smiled before leaning in to press his lips against Dean’s, a velvet touch that made Dean’s heart race. “We’re more than friends, aren’t we?” Cas whispered into Dean’s mouth, his breath was warm and sweet.

“We’re whatever you want us to be,” Dean said, kissing Castiel this time, running his hands from the bottom of Castiel’s back to the top. “For however long you want.”

Castiel’s fingers trailed up to Dean’s hair. “I trust you.” Cas pressed small kisses down the length of Dean’s jaw. When he got to his neck, Cas sucked on the skin, long and hard enough to leave a bruise.

Dean gasped when Cas bit at the sensitive skin he’d just marked. “I trust you, too.”

Cas filled Dean’s face with countless more kisses that left Dean short on breath. “I know you might be okay with me moving on,” Cas whispered close to Dean’s ear, before he nipped at his earlobe. “But I’m not okay with you moving on.”

“Cas,” Dean whispered as Cas continued sucking and biting at his neck, possessively.

“You belong to me. It’s simple, really.” Cas kissed Dean’s lips languidly, making Dean crazy and desperate for more. Dean placed a hand under Castiel’s shirt, navigating his soft skin. Cas pulled away, just barely. “Do you understand?”

Dean swallowed and nodded until Cas kissed his lips again. “I’m really starting to like this van.”

Cas chuckled softly, pulling on Dean’s hair. “That’s exactly what I wanted. To trap you in this van and never let you go.”

“You’re a bit possessive of your friends, aren’t you, Cas?”

Cas growled, almost purred, as he nibbled on Dean’s earlobe again. “You were never just my friend, Dean. You were always mine.”

“Always yours,” Dean muttered, closing his eyes in delight. “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too.”

***

It was noon when Dean had his bags all packed and ready to leave. Mary and Sam stood near the kitchen counter, saying their goodbyes. Dean had said his goodbye to Cas the night prior because he figured it would be easier that way.

“I’ll send postcards,” Dean promised.

Sam snorted. “I still can’t believe you’re taking a road trip alone. If I didn’t have summer school, I’d go with you.”

“I know, Sammy. But there’s nothing wrong with being on the road on my own. I think it’ll be nice.”

Mary grinned. “Of course it will be. Just remember to wear your seatbelt at all times, and drive under the speed limit. Don’t drive too late or when you’re tired. And don’t stay anywhere that looks dangerous. Trust your gut instincts, sweetheart.”

Dean hugged her. “I’ll remember everything. Thanks, mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too, darling,” Mary pressed a kiss to Dean’s forehead before letting him go.

Dean walked over to Sam and took him in his arms. “You’re a Sasquatch, you know that?”

Sam laughed, squeezing his brother’s back. “It’s not my fault you stopped growing when you turned fifteen.”

Dean pulled back and squinted at his brother. “No postcards for you.”

“That’s okay. As long as you bring me back some pizza from Chicago.”

“I’ll try not to eat it on the way,” Dean said, picking up his bags. “I should get going.”

Mary and Sam watched him until Dean was outside. He was working on carrying all of his bags so that he didn’t have to take a second trip to the house, but he dropped one on the way to the Impala.

“Need any help?” Cas picked up the bag that had fallen and smiled at Dean. Behind him, Cas had a few suitcases of his own. “Do you think there’s enough room for me in your car?”

“Are you serious?” Dean asked. “What about California?”

“Let’s put these in the trunk,” Cas said. “They’re heavy.”

They worked on putting all of their luggage in the trunk, which all fit perfectly together. Dean left the trunk open, still not sure what was going on.

“Dean,” Cas said, stepping forward. “I made you a promise. I promised you that I would find happiness, and I would never let it go. You’re my happiness, and I’m not letting you go. I’m going on this road trip with you.”

“What about California?” Dean repeated.

“We’ll make that our last stop. I talked to Bobby and he said he’s willing to drive my van all the way there when we’re settled in.”

“ _We?_ ”

Cas shifted, nervously. “You can go to community college anywhere, can’t you? Maybe I shouldn’t have thought that you’d like to move there with me. You have a life here, and I get that. But it was just a suggestion. You don’t have to stay in California with me. I still want to go on this road trip with you.”

Dean raised his eyebrows, astounded. “Cas, you want me to live with you in California?”

Cas bit on his lip, nodding slowly. “I know it sounds like a lot, and you don’t have to do what I say, but I would really like it if you said yes. My offer will always be open.”

“California,” Dean said, running a hand through his hair. “That would be amazing. Wow.”

Cas beamed. “Is that a yes?”

“I think so.”

“Can I say something else?”

Dean nodded, unable to find the words to speak. He was doing this. He had just decided to move to California with Castiel. This was either completely insane or completely brilliant, but Dean didn’t care.

“I love you.”

Dean grinned. “I know. It’s still good to hear it.”

“I was kind of obvious, wasn’t I?” Cas said, looking nervous again. Dean reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers.

“We finally get to go on our road trip, Cas. We get to start over.”

“In that case,” Cas let go of Dean’s hand. “Hi, my name is Castiel Novak, and I’d really like to be your friend.”

“Hi, I’m Dean Winchester, and I’d really like to kiss you.”

Cas got on his toes and reached up to press his lips against Dean’s, smiling during the length of their kiss.

“Much better,” Dean said, holding Castiel’s hand again. He finally closed the trunk.

“One last thing,” Cas said once they were inside the Impala. “We’re not stopping to visit the Winchester House because that place terrifies me.”

“I’ll protect you,” Dean said, pulling out of the driveway. “I’ll hold your hand.” Dean reached for Castiel’s hand and held it right then.

“Assbutt,” Cas mumbled.

Dean laughed this time. “You know, I kind of like that name.”

“That’s because you’re an ass, but you have a nice butt.”

“Makes sense.” Dean lifted their hands and kissed the back of Castiel’s hand. “I bet you say that to all the boys.”

“I don’t make any bets.”

Dean turned to Cas, who had a playful grin on his face. “Assbutt.”

“Hey, don’t use that on me. It’s not allowed.”

Dean let go of Castiel’s hand, opening the glove compartment once he got to a stop sign on a desolate street. He pulled out a CD and handed it to Cas. “Will you put this on?”

“But your stereo—”

“I got rid of the old one,” Dean said. “I shouldn’t have bought it in the first place. This one plays CDs.”

Cas put the CD on and it started playing. “There’s nothing like listening to The End.”

“Nothing like being on the road with you.”

“That too,” Cas agreed.

Dean continued driving as the music filled the car and the wind hit his face. Cas sang along to every song, and Dean harmonized. This wasn’t the end, this was the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a one-shot for this story, available here: [Pies and Kisses](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1529972)
> 
> Songs that inspired this story:
> 
> Madness - Muse  
> Hanging On - Ellie Goulding  
> I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend - The Ramones  
> Love Lost - The Temper Trap  
> Taro - Alt-J  
> Phenomena - Yeah Yeah Yeahs  
> In The End - Nicholas Megalis  
> There Is No One After You - Nicholas Megalis  
> I'm Yours - Jason Mraz


End file.
